DUmmie FUnnies 01-09-07 ("I did an investigation. Now we can impeach.")

DUmmie FUnnies ^ | January 9, 2007 | DUmmies and PJ-Comix

[PJ-Comix]

The Democrats won both houses of Congress in November but the Left is still incredibly frustrated. Why? Because it looks like there WON'T be any impeachment of Bush. For one thing, the clock is working against impeachment since the Bush term has only two years to go. More importantly, the Senate doesn't have near the votes to convict. It takes a two thirds vote and even if Senator Johnson ever regains conciousness and every Democrat votes to convict, they still need 16 Republican votes. Of course the biggest impediment to impeachment is that you have to have an impeachable offense. Perjury is off the table since most of the liberal scholars a few years ago told us that perjury is NOT an impeachable offense. So what are the liberals left with to justify impeachment? Not much. However this has not discouraged the DUmmies. In fact, one intrepid boy DUmmie investigator believes he has found grounds for impeachment as you can see in this THREAD laughingly titled, "I did an investigation. Now we can impeach." So let us now watch this DUmmie investigator, joined by his fellow intrepid DUmmie investigators, dig up grounds for impeachment in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, visualizing DUmmies with magnifying glasses trying to find impeachment clues, is in the [brackets]:

I did an investigation. Now we can impeach.

[Oh goodie! That's all we were waiting for. Some DUmmie to dig up grounds for impeachment.]

According to U.S. District Judge Henry Floyd, Jose Padilla, a U.S. citizen, was illegally detained without charges for three years. A confession has been obtained from the perpetrator. The perpetrator is one George W. Bush.

[That's it? If you try to impeachment Bush on those grounds you insure that the Republicans retake the House and Senate in '08.]

Have you guys done any investigations? I'm working on another one.

[The DUmmie Hardy Boys jump into action.]

But that's a crime. Impeachment would be too good and take too long.

[Emphasis on "too long."]

Let's get us some Blackwater guys to go and snatch the perp and put him in one of those secret prisons he promised us he closed.

[A Wal-Mart detention center or a Halliburton concentration camp?]

I did another investigation. Now we can impeach.

[Oh goodie! What was the result of your other investigation?]

According to U.S. District Court Judge Anna Diggs Taylor, the National Security Agency illegally monitored Americans in violation of the Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Act. A confession has been obtained from the perpetrator. The perpetrator is one George W. Bush.

[Oops! Impeach Bush on those grounds and you will also insure that the Republicans retake the White House by a landslide in '08.]

Have you guys done any investigations? I'm working on another one.

[It's so much FUn to pretend to be a DUmmie Hardy Boy.]

I think I'll do some investigating too.

[I wanna be a DUmmie Hardy Boy too!]

Three words: Downing Street Memo Three more words. Now we can Impeach.

[Three words: LOL!]

I did yet another investigation. Now we can impeach.

[You just can't keep a DUmmie Hardy Boy down.]

According to the Government Accountability Office, Americans have been the victims of an illegal propaganda campaign. A confession has been obtained from the perpetrator. The perpetrator is one George W. Bush.

[Yes, I'm sure the leftwing profs who claimed that perjury was not grounds for impeachment will approve of that one...whatever it means.]

Have you guys done any investigations? I'm working on another one.

[Spaketh the Energizer DUmmie Hardy Boy. It just keeps on ranting and ranting and...]

I did still another investigation. Now we can impeach.

[You just can't stop the Energizer DUmmie Hardy Boy.]

According to George W. Bush, one George W. Bush ordered one Richard Cheney to selectively release highly classified information in the interest of discrediting one Joseph Wilson. Bush's scheme led to the outing of a covert CIA operation. As indicated, a confession has been obtained from the perpetrator. As indicated, the perpetrator is one George W. Bush.

[MERRY FITZMAS!!!]

Have you guys done any other investigations? I'm working on another one.

[Redundancy can be quite catchy as well as contagious.]

we need one done on... 9/11/01! MIHOP!

[The Truther faction weighs in.]

Nifty. We can save Congress a bunch of time by doing these. What about Dick Cheney? Something about outting a covert CIA by the name of Valerie Plame. I knew we could do this without spending billions of dollars.

[Nifty! They don't even have to have Congressional investigations. Just check out the DUmmie board and send Bush straight to The Hague.]

Until all of the hard evidence is investigated and collected? Bush stays unimpeached!! and nothing will change this, no website, no hearsay nothing but sworn statements and hard verified evidence...

[KILLJOY!!!]

Now that the Investigations are complete it is time to Impeach Bush and Cheney.

[The DUmmie investigations are complete. IMPEACH NOW!!!]

More grounds for impeachment. Katrina murders. Signing statements

[Actually, those are grounds for your confinement at the Happy Farms Asylum.]

Nicknameless and I did an investigation. Now we can impeach.

[YIPPPPEEEEEEE!!!!!]

According to a report by the non-partisan Congressional Research Service, one George W. Bush is using signing statements to expand executive power to the detriment of Congress by means which are “generally unsupported by established legal principles.”

[And don't forget the jaywalking and overdue library book charges.]

Remember it takes 67 Senate votes to convict and you aren't going to get that w/Jose Padilla.

[Nor with any of the other "charges" cited here.]

When they took Padilla's rights, they took your rights.

[DAMN! They took away our right to become terrorists.]

Treason or Bribery are the standards..

[But NOT perjury. The leftwing profs asserted that very strongly.]

The entire length of his administration is one long impeachable offense. He only ascended to the position as the result of a coup.. carried out in broad daylight, with the complicity of the Supreme Court....

[And yet the impeachable "offenses" you listed here are the best you could come up with? Thanx for the laughs!]

[Incorrigible]

You should reach out to that Paul Shanklin (sp?) guy that does parody songs for Rush. Even if you don't like his stuff, he has the methods and contacts for getting songs played. He may view such efforts as competition or perhaps as some fresh talent he can be part of.

[chesley]

ROFLMAO! Then doing it again.

However, I don't doubt that Conyers and some other yahoos of his ilk in Congress are honestly going to try. We need to keep the light shining on these cockroaches.

[PJ-Comix]

My Impeachment Blues parody is based on "Re-Enlistment Blues" which was sung at the end of "From Here To Eternity." That song was written by the author of that novel, James Jones. BEST American novelist ever!

[Loud Mime]

In Federalist 64, Alexander Hamilton penned the perfect model of the DUmmies case:

"A well-constituted court for the trial of impeachments is an object not more to be desired than difficult to be obtained in a government wholly elective. The subjects of its jurisdiction are those offenses which proceed from the misconduct of public men, or, in other words, from the abuse or violation of some public trust. They are of a nature which may with peculiar propriety be denominated POLITICAL, as they relate chiefly to injuries done immediately to the society itself. The prosecution of them, for this reason, will seldom fail to agitate the passions of the whole community, and to divide it into parties more or less friendly or inimical to the accused. In many cases it will connect itself with the pre-existing factions, and will enlist all their animosities, partialities, influence, and interest on one side or on the other; and in such cases there will always be the greatest danger that the decision will be regulated more by the comparative strength of parties, than by the real demonstrations of innocence or guilt."

The DUmmies are POLITICAL ANIMALS who are driven by hatred. When I visit their forum, I substitute the word "Jew" for each time I see "Republican" or "Conservative." That exercise shows that there is only one difference between them and their political forefathers, and that is their lack of commitment to sacrifice themselves for their cause.

They're too greedy for that ultimate price.

[PJ-Comix]

You should reach out to that Paul Shanklin (sp?) guy that does parody songs for Rush. Even if you don't like his stuff, he has the methods and contacts for getting songs played. He may view such efforts as competition or perhaps as some fresh talent he can be part of.

Maybe I'll send him the recording of "I Don't Know Why I Love Him." I've been planning to shop it around when it is completed.

[Loud Mime]

I believe that the Dems will play this issue in a manner that makes them out to be the victims of the republicans. Imagine Pelosi saying something like "We know what happened. We know who did what. That being said, we also know that an impeachment will never get through the Senate because of its partisan republicans. We have to do the smart thing, and that smart thing is not to waste this country's time and money like the republicans did against the best president this nation has ever had. We will work for good. That's the difference between our parties."

I bet you this will happen.

Any takers?

[PJ-Comix]

Another big reason why I now want to produce and market parody songs is that I think Charles has a once-in-a-generation unique ability to write song lyrics and I want to give his talent a public forum on the radio. However, don't tell Charles I said that or his head will swell.

[E Rocc]

They are SO getting a RAGING clue.

-Eric

[jellybean]

DUmmies with magnifying glasses trying to find impeachment clues, is in the [brackets]:

[PJ-Comix]

It's like "Man, Moment, Machine." You ever see that History Channel series? Well, this is like my personal "Man, Moment, Machine." All the elements are now in place to produce parody songs for radio. The toughest part will be marketing the songs but if Charles WINS the Bill Bennett song parody contest, the door would definitely be open in that direction.

[CAluvdubya]

I did an investigation. Now we can impeach.

Lil Jimmy Olson!!!!

Thanks PJ, this is the funniest DUFU in a long time. Total belly laughs every time Jimmy Olson said "I did another investigation. Now we can impeach!"

[Right Cal Gal]

"Incorrigible" has a good idea in the shopping to Shankin, PJ - Rush loves to play parodies on his show. That or contact Glenn Beck - Beck likes to go for the comedy on his radio and TV shows and I've heard some song parodies from time to time. If nothing else, maybe you can find a way to stream them on your blog. In any event - I know I'd love to hear them - you can certainly advise potential clients of an avid Freeper listening base.

[Democratshavenobrains]

These people are idiots.

[Phantom Lord]

If only we had known back in the 1990's that the use of signing statements was an impeachable offense. The House could have impeached Clinton for his use of signing statements and then the Senate could have convicted him!

Damn you DUmmies! Where were you 10 years ago?!?!?!?

[steve-b]

I once wrote what I thought was a really good country song about phony cowboys called "Drugstore Cowboy:"

[skimask]

Is Dr. Demento still on the air? I love the original version of "Sixty Minute Man".

[chesley]

Not from me. I've got better things to do with my money than throw it away.

what abunch of losuy, lying, loser whiners the DUms are.

[ChicagoConservative27]

The DUmmies are trying to impeach the President with talking points. Morons.

[Paul Heinzman]

But that's a crime. Impeachment would be too good and take too long.

I'm getting such a clue right now.

[RedRover]

Chris Guest wrote a funny parody of liberals back in his National Lampoon Radio Hour days, "The Liberal Well-Intentioned Blues".