So Good, They Practically Sell Themselves!

Feed Your ADHD ^ | 1/14/2009 | Dr. Dave

[bloodmeridian]

It’s awful when you’re down and out, but even the late late late night advertising stars suffer in this crappy economy.

Take Vince. Once the popular shill of sponge cloth for insomniacs, poor Vince has fallen on hard times. Really friggin’ hard times. Now that paper towels are cheaper than Shamwow! Vince has been forced to sell the next best thing to toilet paper: Newspapers.

[mnehring]

How to Do a Shamwow Commercial

• Get a Bronx / Long Island accent.
  
• Apply gel.
  
• Purchase Madonna headset mic.
  
• "It was made in Germany". Repeat x3.
  
• Say "Look at this!" and "Ya follow me, camera guy?" a lot.
  
• ????
  
• PROFIT
  

  Let's let Barry try..

  

  Hi, it's Barry with ShamNow! You'll be saying Sham every time I sign a bill! It's like a chamois! It's like a towel! It's like a sponge. A regular bill doesn't get all your money - this works on paper money or pocket change. This is for the House, the Senate, the boat, the RV! ShamNow holds twenty times its weight in money. Look at this! It just does the work! Why do you want to work twice as hard? It doesn't drip, doesn't make a mess. You wring it out, launder it in the Senate. It is made in Germany, you know the Germans always make good stuff. You can cut it in half, use one as a bath mat, drain your dishes with the other one, use one as a towel. Olympic divers, they use it as a towel (no, you're a towel). Look at that! Completely broke! Put a business in it, roll it up, it sucks all the profit. Here's some oil, coal, natural gas and pet stains. Not only is the damage gonna be on top - there's your carbon. That is going to smell! See that? The most absorbing We're gonna do this in real time! Look at this! Put it on the profit, turn it over! Without even putting any pressure, fifty percent of the profit right there. You follow me, camera guy? The other fifty percent, the money starts to come up. No other towel's gonna do that! It acts like a vacuum! And look at this - virtually broke on the bottom! See what I'm telling ya? ShamNow! You'll be saying Sham every time!

[indcons]

LOL - excellent

[Philo-Junius]

Socialism was invented in Germany, you know.

[Secret Agent Man]

So was our public school system.

[I Buried My Guns]

I have been known to walk around my house and say to no one in particular "Are you gettin this camera guy?"

Truly a classic for all time; may even put it on my tombstone.

[LTCJ]

I can remember when he was just a poor allycat.

[Vinnie]

He's selling a veggie chopper also.

I like him a lot better than the other dude.. Billy Mays.

BTW, the last gun show I ...bought some Sham-wow.

The towel really works. I used one the dry off the dog after her last bath. It removed much more water than a regular Turkish towel I normally use.

[Secret Agent Man]

Yeah, it is something that tears at you both ways. On one hand the Sham-wow towels really do work well, as well as they do on the infomercial. On the other hand, you have to send money to the sham-wow guy. So you can see the struggle some people feel about it.

[dead]

Socialism was invented in Germany, you know.

And those Germans - they make great stuff, y'know.