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School Boys May Be Expelled for Possession of Oregano
A Semi-News/Semi-Satire from AzConservative ^ | 19 March 2011 | John Semmens

Posted on 03/19/2011 5:03:17 PM PDT by John Semmens

Four boys at the Hickory Middle School in Chesapeake, Virginia were suspended and may be expelled for handling a baggie full of oregano at the school. The ill-fated prank was held to be “unacceptable mockery of the school’s ‘zero tolerance policy’” by the school administration.

“While oregano isn’t a banned substance, per se, I mean we use it home-ec classes, placing it in a small plastic bag and passing it to another student is the same thing a student would do if it were,” said Vice-Principal Jesse Twitman. “It’s an act of disrespect and defiance toward school authority. If there’s anything that the ‘zero tolerance’ policy is meant to achieve it is unwavering respect for authority by the students at this school.”

Twitman evinced indifference over the prospect that the accused students’ lives might be irreparably harmed by the contemplated disciplinary action. “If we make an example of these smart asses it may shock others into a more obedient frame of mind,” Twitman asserted. “The sacrifice of a few troublemakers is a small price to pay for the broader objective of bolstering the tools available to the proper authorities.”

read more...

http://azconserv1.wordpress.com/2011/03/19/omb-nominee-explains-obama-strategy-on-debt/


TOPICS: Education; Government; Humor; Society
KEYWORDS: authority; educrats; satire; zerotolerance
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1 posted on 03/19/2011 5:03:21 PM PDT by John Semmens
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To: John Semmens

Oregano is bad MMkay


2 posted on 03/19/2011 5:06:14 PM PDT by 3rdcoastislander
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To: John Semmens
The ill-fated prank was held to be “unacceptable mockery of the school’s ‘zero tolerance policy’” by the school administration.

Many zero tolerance policies are administered as zero sense policies and deserve to be mocked.

3 posted on 03/19/2011 5:06:54 PM PDT by poindexters brother
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To: John Semmens

Its called detention...

dont they do that any more...


4 posted on 03/19/2011 5:07:05 PM PDT by Tennessee Nana
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To: John Semmens

Ah, satire. Glad I glanced at the link source before I embarrased myself!


5 posted on 03/19/2011 5:07:35 PM PDT by saganite (What happens to taglines? Is there a termination date?)
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To: John Semmens

Glad I check your handle before I posted. You got me again.

You are a bad man!


6 posted on 03/19/2011 5:10:51 PM PDT by hattend (Obama got his 3am call about Egypt. The call went right to the answering machine.- Sarah Palin)
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To: John Semmens

I hear oregano is a gateway drug for basil and eventually summer savoury.


7 posted on 03/19/2011 5:11:36 PM PDT by RansomOttawa (tm)
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To: RansomOttawa
I hear oregano is a gateway drug for basil and eventually summer savoury.

And then the really hard stuff, like placebos.

8 posted on 03/19/2011 5:12:50 PM PDT by dfwgator
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To: RansomOttawa

I fear for Rosemary.


9 posted on 03/19/2011 5:13:48 PM PDT by bigheadfred (THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE HAS BEGUN)
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To: John Semmens

In Virginia, any substance that is packaged and intended to look like an illegal substance (such a oregano for pot) is treated as if the drug itself was present.

From the news report, the boys packaged the herb and told their friends it was pot, therefore, whatever the penalty is for pot, will be the same for this.


10 posted on 03/19/2011 5:15:47 PM PDT by SoftballMominVA
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To: John Semmens

11 posted on 03/19/2011 5:16:27 PM PDT by Tax-chick (Nadie me ama como Jesus.)
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To: John Semmens
12 DE Reg. 781 (12/01/08) 2.0 The Following Definitions Shall Apply to This Policy and Will be Used in All District and Charter School Policies "Look Alike Substance" shall mean any noncontrolled substance which is packaged so as to appear to be, or about which a student makes an express or implied representation that the substance is, a drug or a noncontrolled substance capable of producing a change in behavior or altering a state of mind or feeling. See 16 Del.C. §4752A.

Delaware, home of the Bearded Marxist, is not amused. The satire site appears to have plagiarized DE's real policy in order to mock the absurdity of zero tolerance. I'm sure regulators in DE and other states will not tolerate this mocking.

12 posted on 03/19/2011 5:17:29 PM PDT by Pollster1 (Natural born citizen of the USA, with the birth certificate to prove it)
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To: John Semmens

Oregon?


13 posted on 03/19/2011 5:20:28 PM PDT by Revolting cat! (Let us prey!)
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To: John Semmens
.......said Vice-Principal Jesse Twitman. “It’s an act of disrespect and defiance toward school authority. If there’s anything that the ‘zero tolerance’ policy is meant to achieve it is unwavering respect for authority by the students at this school.”

I understand by seeing the link posted that this is meant to be satire........
Saddly......
On certain threads we read here at FR........
We all know the "PC" crowd is out of control....

It's just "too true to be good".....
To borrow a phrase........

14 posted on 03/19/2011 5:21:53 PM PDT by Fiddlstix (Warning! This Is A Subliminal Tagline! Read it at your own risk!(Presented by TagLines R US))
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To: John Semmens

fight it boys, this not right, half the teachers and school board smoke dope probably..


15 posted on 03/19/2011 5:23:18 PM PDT by aces
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To: John Semmens

mockery is not illegal, if there is no basis the schoolboard would be liable, fight it boys..


16 posted on 03/19/2011 5:25:16 PM PDT by aces
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To: John Semmens

ok ya got me..


17 posted on 03/19/2011 5:26:40 PM PDT by aces
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To: #1CTYankee; 12Gauge687; 14erClimb; 21twelve; 2nd Bn, 11th Mar; 2ndDivisionVet; 3D-JOY; A message; ..

ping


18 posted on 03/19/2011 5:28:43 PM PDT by John Semmens
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To: John Semmens
Vice-Principal Jesse Twitman

Twitman. Says it all. I wonder if making fun of his name falls under "unacceptable mockery".

19 posted on 03/19/2011 5:29:46 PM PDT by 6SJ7 (atlasShruggedInd = TRUE)
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To: 6SJ7

Satire. Mockery. It’s so hard to tell what stories are real and what are satire nowadays.


20 posted on 03/19/2011 5:32:16 PM PDT by 6SJ7 (atlasShruggedInd = TRUE)
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To: John Semmens
TWICE in one day??? you got me twice, shame on you, but keep it up. I love your satire, one day you will need to donate your brain to something.

Are you kin to Mark Twain? lol

21 posted on 03/19/2011 5:32:27 PM PDT by annieokie
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To: John Semmens
Were screwed.....Schools are making a mockery of everything....we are in three wars and they are worried about an amusing stunt that hurt no one. I would get a lawyer and say that “we were going to put it on our lunch.”
22 posted on 03/19/2011 5:34:19 PM PDT by napscoordinator
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To: aces

He gets everyone.


23 posted on 03/19/2011 5:40:14 PM PDT by driftdiver (I could eat it raw, but why do that when I have a fire.)
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To: saganite
Ah, satire. Glad I glanced at the link source before I embarrased myself!

John may have fabricated the quotes, but the suspension really occurred.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/4-chesapeake-middle-school-students-suspended-for-oregano-possession/2011/03/16/AB52gAe_story.html

24 posted on 03/19/2011 5:41:08 PM PDT by TChad
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To: John Semmens

OFGoshS. Unbelievable. (And I don’t just think that because I did the same thing in high school as a prank).


25 posted on 03/19/2011 5:41:44 PM PDT by Reddy (B.O. stinks)
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To: Reddy

Ok. You got me! LOL ;)


26 posted on 03/19/2011 5:42:19 PM PDT by Reddy (B.O. stinks)
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To: dfwgator

Ultimately arugula.


27 posted on 03/19/2011 5:48:39 PM PDT by rockinqsranch (Dems, Libs, Socialists, call 'em what you will, they ALL have fairies livin' in their trees.)
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To: RansomOttawa
Everybody knows that the song Scarborough Fair (Parsley, sage, rosemary, and thyme) is really about drugs. It's worse than Puff The Magic Dragon!

-PJ

28 posted on 03/19/2011 5:49:50 PM PDT by Political Junkie Too (Everyone's Irish on St. Patrick's Day, Mexican on Cinco de Mayo, and American on Election Day.)
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To: John Semmens

Thanks for the ping at #18 John. Got caught up on the phone?

Another head shakin’ chuckle.


29 posted on 03/19/2011 5:51:06 PM PDT by rockinqsranch (Dems, Libs, Socialists, call 'em what you will, they ALL have fairies livin' in their trees.)
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To: John Semmens

“...Twitman...” What an appropriate name!


30 posted on 03/19/2011 5:57:55 PM PDT by jennings2004 (Sarah Palin: "The bright light at the end of a very dark tunnel!")
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To: John Semmens

I hate the way they tolerate Zero.


31 posted on 03/19/2011 6:00:49 PM PDT by Gondring (Paul Revere would have been flamed as a naysayer troll and told to go back to Boston.)
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To: poindexters brother

What we need is a zero-idiocy policy.


32 posted on 03/19/2011 6:05:16 PM PDT by The Antiyuppie ("When small men cast long shadows, then it is very late in the day.")
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To: John Semmens

Who wants to snort some Cream of Tartar?

Anyway, this story reminds me of a friend back in high school who bought an ounce of Oregano for $25.00. She showed it to me and I was ready to put it in some spaghetti sauce. I couldn’t believe she couldn’t tell it was Oregano LOL!


33 posted on 03/19/2011 6:25:04 PM PDT by ViLaLuz (2 Chronicles 7:14)
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To: John Semmens

Lock 'em up and throw away the key! /s

34 posted on 03/19/2011 7:03:00 PM PDT by smokingfrog ( sleep with one eye open ( <o> ---)
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To: John Semmens

Another example of the mental illness of the left.


35 posted on 03/19/2011 8:05:39 PM PDT by calex59
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To: calex59

ya got me.


36 posted on 03/19/2011 8:11:59 PM PDT by calex59
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To: John Semmens
That's a great one John!

"...the broader objective of bolstering the tools available to the proper authorities.”

LOL. Twitman indeed.

37 posted on 03/19/2011 8:14:02 PM PDT by Upstate NY Guy
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To: John Semmens

Nice one, John.


38 posted on 03/19/2011 8:19:56 PM PDT by Huntress ("Politicians exploit economic illiteracy." --Walter Williams)
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To: TChad; John Semmens
> John may have fabricated the quotes, but the suspension really occurred.

Not only that, there is a formal recommendation of expulsion!

But the thing that got me about the REAL article was that the kid's name is.... Adam Grass.

I about died laughing when I read that. No wonder he was farting around with a baggie. With a name like that, I would, too.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/4-chesapeake-middle-school-students-suspended-for-oregano-possession/2011/03/16/AB52gAe_story.html

39 posted on 03/19/2011 8:24:34 PM PDT by dayglored (Listen, strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government!)
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To: John Semmens

What a contemptible twit. (snicker)


40 posted on 03/19/2011 8:38:10 PM PDT by philman_36 (Pride breakfasted with plenty, dined with poverty, and supped with infamy. Benjamin Franklin)
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To: RansomOttawa

..and parsley, and sage, and rosemary, and thyme.


41 posted on 03/19/2011 8:53:59 PM PDT by Erasmus (I love "The Raven," but then what do I know? I'm just a poetaster.)
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To: annieokie; John Semmens
TWICE in one day??? you got me twice, shame on you, but keep it up. I love your satire, one day you will need to donate your brain to something.

Annie, I think you've got something there. I just hope it isn't catching. But I admit it's a good idea.

John, would you be willing to donate your brain to Science? I think Science has an opening in its calendar Tuesday afternoon.

≤}B^)

42 posted on 03/19/2011 8:59:43 PM PDT by Erasmus (I love "The Raven," but then what do I know? I'm just a poetaster.)
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To: Erasmus; John Semmens
OH no no no no, not that soon. Let us enjoy that brain power as long as we can. Just amazing how he/you put all this into believable GOTCHA's.
43 posted on 03/19/2011 9:13:16 PM PDT by annieokie
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To: John Semmens

Too close to call, John, this is completely credible! (8^D) Good one!


44 posted on 03/19/2011 9:20:43 PM PDT by Smokin' Joe (How often God must weep at humans' folly. Stand fast. God knows what He is doing.)
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To: SoftballMominVA
Anyone who can't tell oregano by the smell, should roll one up and get a 'brushfire buzz' from the smoke...

It doesn't take a crime lab, only a middlin' cook.

45 posted on 03/19/2011 9:23:49 PM PDT by Smokin' Joe (How often God must weep at humans' folly. Stand fast. God knows what He is doing.)
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To: 6SJ7

“Respect mah authoratay” says Twitman. Says it all.


46 posted on 03/19/2011 9:30:07 PM PDT by IDFbunny
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To: Erasmus
..and parsley, and sage, and rosemary, and thyme.

Yeah, who knew that what kept Simon and Garfunkel "feelin' groovy" came out of a Club House shaker bottle?

47 posted on 03/19/2011 10:10:28 PM PDT by RansomOttawa (tm)
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To: John Semmens

Ah John I always knew they had it out for Italian chefs.


48 posted on 03/19/2011 10:18:10 PM PDT by Zack Attack
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To: dayglored
Not only that, there is a formal recommendation of expulsion!

Apparently someone in the school administration consulted an attorney, because the suspension was lifted.

http://hamptonroads.com/2011/03/chesapeake-student-wont-be-expelled-oregano

What a shame. It sounded like such a fun lawsuit.

49 posted on 03/19/2011 10:44:40 PM PDT by TChad
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To: The Antiyuppie

You start a true zero policy by tasking the county school board to take a dope test twice a year (random pick). You go to the teachers and demand random tests period (could be once a year, could be twelve times a year). Then you do the same thing for students. I suspect that we could toss a quarter of all the teachers in the US out...if we had a simple situation like this.


50 posted on 03/20/2011 12:44:59 AM PDT by pepsionice
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