Posted on 03/03/2012 3:29:56 PM PST by pingman
I'll start:
How is a marriage like a deck of cards?
You start out with two hearts and a diamond, but after awhile you're looking for a club and a spade.
(rimshot!)
Ha ha! I just got it too! Don’t feel bad!
My B.I.L. is a banjo player, and yes, he thinks banjo jokes are hilarious.
A seal goes into a bar. Bartender ask, “What’ll it be?”
“Anything but Canadian Club.”
bookmark
Stealing this, fair ‘n square!
A black guy, an illegal alien, a muslim, and a communist walk into a bar.
The bartender asks, “What can I get you Mr. President?”
Well,I went to the Doctor last week and he checks my blood pressure and says we have to do something about getting it lower right away.He said it’s so high that if the wife and I get started in bed I’ll have a heart attack or stroke.I told him to relax,if that’s what he’s worried about-I’m safe for six monthes at least....
LOL
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Couple of Brits go into a bar. Bartender says all drinks are 5 cents. Guys are pleased and about the 4th round of drinks they ask the bartender why drinks are only a nickel. He says he won the lottery and thought it would be nice to own a bar and sell really cheap drinks.
After 6 rounds of drinks one asks the bartender why the group of people at the end of the bar have been sitting there not drinking for hours.
The bartender replies, “They’re Welsh tourists, they’re waiting for 1/2 priced happy hour drinks”
“Marriage is like a bank account. You put it in, you take it out, you lose interest.” -Professor Irwin Corey
Banjo player jokes are great! I started out on tenor, switched to plectrum, then 5-string, before getting into Teles. Started pedal steel in about 1970. Earned 1/2 my income giggin’.
Of all the blonde jokes, this one has to be one the best — because it makes football make sense!
A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team’s bench.
After the game, he asked her how she liked it.
“Oh, I really liked it,” she replied, “especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn’t understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents.”
Dumbfounded, her boyfriend asked, “What do you mean?”
“Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was...’Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!’
I’m like...Helloooooo? It’s only 25 cents!!!!”
I always loved “The Worlds Greatest Authority”. He’s still around in NYC, feeding the pigeons.
I'm always getting those "enlargement" spam e-mails. FReepmail me your e-mail and I'll forward a couple.
Q. What’s the temperature inside a tauntaun?
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A. Lukewarm.
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