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First Church of the Blessed Evaporator
Primordial Slack ^ | 07/07/2012 | Joan Of Argghh!

Posted on 07/08/2012 4:05:29 PM PDT by JoanVarga

Thank God for air conditioning. I mean it. I'm not being casual about Whom to thank. I thank the everlasting Creator who imparted his universal wisdom into a series of inventions and ideas until a misguided therapy for malaria gave us the means to create ice. God bless! And then some Luddite, glacier-chopping Ice King quashed John Gorrie's idea in order to save his own fortunes, and we sweated for 50 more years. I hope Hell's thermostat got an upgrade of 50,000 extra degrees just for Mr. Tudor's arrival.

Air Conditioning is a miracle of civilization but it's not a new, modern desire. Hot, sweaty people have been seeking relief for ages. Cool, dry beds to sleep on are not to be dismissed lightly. It's why all children should be forced to go camping in summer. Make 'em appreciate civilization, abhor primitive living, and grow up to be fine young Capitalists like Carrier.


The myth of the "natural man" and his environment is a lie. Men hate the outdoors.

Air Conditioning should be a Religion. A violent one, if its existence becomes threatened. We all worship at its altar anyway; we moan with breathless thrill upon entering any room to escape the soul-sucking heat. "Ahhhhhh......" we intone, like monks in an ecstatic trance. And we are saved.

The tenets of our faith are found in the longer working hours and productivity that Air Conditioning provides. Capitalism is our outreach ministry. Come to AC all you who are sweaty and would find dry, cool pillows on which to rest, and AC will give you sleep. Blessed, restful sleep without the sheets sticking to you.


Ours is a simple, attractive religion.

True story: a friend of mine who was a missionary in the Tamil region of India told of the Fiery Star season there. She would rinse and wring her sheets before going to bed, just to be cool enough to fall asleep. Once, she recalled, she sprang out of bed in the middle of the night, thinking the house was on fire, only to find that no, it was just two a.m. and hot. That right there tells you that heat is the devil's plaything. To conquer it is a work of all that is Good and Right in the world. People, my friend's story is not from so many years ago. Her son was amazed at the first time he experienced ice.

Al Gore has built his religion on the side of all that is evil and wrong and hot. He is apostate and must be shunned. SHUN the unbeliver! Shunnnn! Let Air Conditioning arise and its enemies be scattered!

We cannot let the political Luddites terrorize us with tales of Global Warming. Our sister in the faith, The Church of Blessed Condenser of the Saturday Saints can counter with her own tales of reduced violence on long summer nights while everyone is indoors worshiping and staying out of trouble; which argument also supports video games and hip-hop apps. Everyone's inside, keeping to themselves, and being creative instead of destructive. We have our own angelic hosts riffin' the turntable mixers, or laying down righteous rhythms in the heavenly realms of cooled basements and chillin' nightclubs.


Before Air Conditioning we all looked just like this.


Before AC, nobody looked this good.

Yes, we have many forms of worship. In our garments of praise we can wear most anything in our over-cooled places of business and still look as fresh and beautiful as our Maker intended. With every hair in place and unwrinkled adornments we are silent witnesses to our faith. We have no need of showy words or flashy techniques. We simply have a sure foundation of priestly engineers and their electrician acolytes who assist them at the altar of alleviation. The chimes of whirring motors, the cool, moving air of sweet oblations, the murmuring praises for answered prayer as worshipers arrive inside. This is our holy communion. Let no man despise what God has made.

Can I get an AMEN?


TOPICS: Humor; Science; Weather
KEYWORDS: capitalism; humor; weather
Just having some fun in the heat wave!
1 posted on 07/08/2012 4:05:41 PM PDT by JoanVarga
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To: JoanVarga

Cities like Phoenix or Las Vegas would simply not exist (or at best, would be 10% of their present size) without this invention.


2 posted on 07/08/2012 4:11:58 PM PDT by PGR88
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To: PGR88

Unfortunately, it keeps the hogs in D.C. year ‘round. They used to go home in the summer due to the heat.

Sucky trade-off. For now. . .


3 posted on 07/08/2012 4:19:55 PM PDT by JoanVarga ("Yes We Can" It's not just a slogan. It's a threat.)
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To: JoanVarga

See, I have yet to understand the mental workings of anyone who likes hot weather, or, indeed, summer. My ancestors came from England, and I am a fair-skinned female who wilts during this season. I listen to all the songs about wonderful summertime, and I think, “Yeah....oppressive, sticky, stifling heat; lack of rain; storms that take out the power; BUGS; step outside and get drenched with sweat. What’s not to like?” /s

rant off


4 posted on 07/08/2012 4:27:09 PM PDT by CatherineofAragon (Time for a write-in campaign...Darryl Dixon for President)
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To: JoanVarga

Mixed blessing. I am old enough to remember when there were almost no yankees in the South.

I will say a few of them aren’t half bad:).


5 posted on 07/08/2012 4:29:40 PM PDT by HangThemHigh (Entropy's not what it used to be.)
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To: CatherineofAragon

Those of us raised in the swelter do love to tweak the noses of the faint-hearted. We live in the South because we like to breathe our air through a snorkel. We love the heat!

We love it even more when we can escape it at will.


6 posted on 07/08/2012 4:30:27 PM PDT by JoanVarga ("Yes We Can" It's not just a slogan. It's a threat.)
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To: HangThemHigh

Me too. You’d almost think we bred mosquitoes and gnats just to torture Yankee blood!


7 posted on 07/08/2012 4:32:06 PM PDT by JoanVarga ("Yes We Can" It's not just a slogan. It's a threat.)
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To: JoanVarga

LOL

Born and raised Southern, but I hate it. Hey, if y’all love it, why not get rid of your a/c? :::::ducking:::::


8 posted on 07/08/2012 4:33:43 PM PDT by CatherineofAragon (Time for a write-in campaign...Darryl Dixon for President)
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To: JoanVarga
We love it even more when we can escape it at will.

Amen!

Saturday:

104F outside

74F inside

63F basement

9 posted on 07/08/2012 4:36:27 PM PDT by nascarnation
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To: CatherineofAragon
Hey, if y’all love it, why not get rid of your a/c?

We need a cool, dry place to keep the Yankee bodies until we can feed 'em to the gators, luv!

10 posted on 07/08/2012 4:36:37 PM PDT by JoanVarga ("Yes We Can" It's not just a slogan. It's a threat.)
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To: nascarnation
104F outside, 74F inside, 63F basement

No luxury of a basement in most parts of the South and the lowcountry of South Carolina. Sounds heavenly. Praise York!

11 posted on 07/08/2012 4:40:02 PM PDT by JoanVarga ("Yes We Can" It's not just a slogan. It's a threat.)
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To: CatherineofAragon

I love summer and I feel much as you do about cold weather.

I was riding my bicycle a couple of days ago when it was over 100° (I will admit, that was a bit warmer than I like). The air conditioner in my car quit a few years ago, I never bothered to see why it stopped working, probably low of Freon.


12 posted on 07/08/2012 4:42:18 PM PDT by HangThemHigh (Entropy's not what it used to be.)
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To: JoanVarga

Here in Indiana you gotta have a basement for when the twisters come through, LOL.


13 posted on 07/08/2012 4:42:26 PM PDT by nascarnation
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To: nascarnation

Having lived through some hurricanes, I’ve wished for a basement only to realize it would drown me before the wind ever killed me!


14 posted on 07/08/2012 4:44:42 PM PDT by JoanVarga ("Yes We Can" It's not just a slogan. It's a threat.)
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To: JoanVarga
And then some Luddite, glacier-chopping Ice King quashed John Gorrie's idea in order to save his own fortunes, and we sweated for 50 more years.

New heard of this before. Anyone have any more information?

15 posted on 07/08/2012 4:46:21 PM PDT by Balding_Eagle (Liberals, at their core, are aggressive & dangerous to everyone around them,)
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To: Balding_Eagle

From the link in the post: “According to Dr. Gorrie’s biographer, Vivian M. Sherlock, the “Ice King”, Frederic Tudor, was suspected for causing his failure when he launched a smear campaign against the invention. Dr. Gorrie died impoverished in 1855 and the idea of air conditioning faded away for 50 years.”


16 posted on 07/08/2012 4:50:26 PM PDT by JoanVarga ("Yes We Can" It's not just a slogan. It's a threat.)
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To: JoanVarga

Oh, my, now you’ve started it....how long until incoming, LOL?


17 posted on 07/08/2012 4:52:19 PM PDT by CatherineofAragon (Time for a write-in campaign...Darryl Dixon for President)
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To: JoanVarga

Oh, my, now you’ve started it....how long until incoming, LOL?


18 posted on 07/08/2012 4:52:19 PM PDT by CatherineofAragon (Time for a write-in campaign...Darryl Dixon for President)
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To: JoanVarga

Oh, my, now you’ve started it....how long until incoming, LOL?


19 posted on 07/08/2012 4:52:19 PM PDT by CatherineofAragon (Time for a write-in campaign...Darryl Dixon for President)
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To: JoanVarga

Oh, my, now you’ve started it....how long until incoming, LOL?


20 posted on 07/08/2012 4:52:28 PM PDT by CatherineofAragon (Time for a write-in campaign...Darryl Dixon for President)
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To: HangThemHigh

Sorry for the multiple posts.

Some do like it hot. Never the twain shall meet, I suppose.


21 posted on 07/08/2012 4:58:14 PM PDT by CatherineofAragon (Time for a write-in campaign...Darryl Dixon for President)
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To: CatherineofAragon
Wow! Not long, I'm guessing. Hehehee!

What I meant to say is that we need a dry cool place for the Yankees (especially Ohioans) to feel at ease while we ply them with mojitos before we feed 'em to the gators.

22 posted on 07/08/2012 5:01:42 PM PDT by JoanVarga ("Yes We Can" It's not just a slogan. It's a threat.)
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To: JoanVarga

ROTFL


23 posted on 07/08/2012 5:10:18 PM PDT by CatherineofAragon (Time for a write-in campaign...Darryl Dixon for President)
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To: nascarnation

Reads like a description of my house!


24 posted on 07/08/2012 5:14:50 PM PDT by reg45 (Barack 0bama: Implementing class warfare by having no class!)
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Comment #25 Removed by Moderator

Comment #26 Removed by Moderator

To: JoanVarga

The Second Law of Thermodynamics says that it is easier to heat something up than it is to cool something down.


27 posted on 07/08/2012 5:30:18 PM PDT by reg45 (Barack 0bama: Implementing class warfare by having no class!)
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To: JoanVarga

Somebody came up with a simple, do-it-yourself air conditioner, for when you have electricity, but no a/c.

You need a waterproof garbage can, a fish tank water pump, some plastic tubing and some copper tubing, small nylon or plastic tie downs, an electric fan and a lot of ice.

You fill the garbage can with water and ice, with the fish tank water pump pumping the ice water into half of the plastic tubing. In front of the fan you have tied down a spiral of copper tubing, with plastic tubes on either end.

And the other plastic tube goes back to the garbage can.

With the pump pumping and the fan on, it cools down the air a lot.

Here is a simple version:

http://www.instructables.com/id/Homemade-air-conditioner/


28 posted on 07/08/2012 5:38:39 PM PDT by yefragetuwrabrumuy
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To: reg45

I could give a fig for man’s laws! Our blessed church laws state that excessive heat is the devil’s own barbed, uh, well, it’s evil!


29 posted on 07/08/2012 5:52:44 PM PDT by JoanVarga ("Yes We Can" It's not just a slogan. It's a threat.)
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To: yefragetuwrabrumuy

That sounds like the kind of work that would make you sweat. Best to ignore the heat and have a cold beer.


30 posted on 07/08/2012 5:55:06 PM PDT by JoanVarga ("Yes We Can" It's not just a slogan. It's a threat.)
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To: JoanVarga
Amen, Sister Joan! We too are true believers and attendees of the First Church of the Blessed Evaporator. We believe that the inventor of air-conditioning should be recognized as a saint and be honored with a national holiday.
31 posted on 07/08/2012 6:13:16 PM PDT by Nevadan
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32 posted on 07/08/2012 6:25:02 PM PDT by RedMDer (https://support.woundedwarriorproject.org/default.aspx?tsid=93destr)
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To: Nevadan

Is this how L. Ron Hubbard got started?

I could use some money. . .


33 posted on 07/08/2012 6:35:15 PM PDT by JoanVarga ("Yes We Can" It's not just a slogan. It's a threat.)
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To: JoanVarga
re: Is this how L. Ron Hubbard got started?

Sister Joan, I think he started by writing science fiction. Then he went on to re-lable and market his fiction as a religion that required a lot of money to participate in. And enough fools bought into his fabrication.

However, yours is a legitimate faith, unlike Hubbard's. I suppose you could make some money off of it. Probably need some celebrities though to help you promote it. I hear that Katie Holmes is no longer into Scientology. Maybe she will be open to joining the First Church of the Blessed Evaporator.

34 posted on 07/08/2012 6:56:10 PM PDT by Nevadan
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To: Nevadan
Correction: The Second Church of the Blessed Evaporator. I'm starting the first!
35 posted on 07/08/2012 7:05:52 PM PDT by JoanVarga ("Yes We Can" It's not just a slogan. It's a threat.)
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To: JoanVarga

I stand corrected.


36 posted on 07/08/2012 7:38:26 PM PDT by Nevadan
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To: Nevadan

Not really. I mis-read what you posted. Let the record so state that ours is not an infallible leadership, but subject to the wise counsel of the converted.


37 posted on 07/08/2012 7:41:08 PM PDT by JoanVarga ("Yes We Can" It's not just a slogan. It's a threat.)
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To: JoanVarga

Sounds good!


38 posted on 07/08/2012 10:26:14 PM PDT by Nevadan
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To: JoanVarga

The heat goes on. Another scorcher in the South. So glad I work inside with a bunch of engineers!


39 posted on 07/09/2012 4:36:46 AM PDT by JoanVarga ("Yes We Can" It's not just a slogan. It's a threat.)
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To: JoanVarga
"O-o-open up a window"


40 posted on 07/09/2012 4:49:15 AM PDT by P.O.E. (Pray for America)
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To: P.O.E.

Heh. Nice, that.


41 posted on 07/09/2012 9:50:48 AM PDT by JoanVarga ("Yes We Can" It's not just a slogan. It's a threat.)
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To: JoanVarga

The Independence Hall tour guide told the crowd they had to deliberate with windows closed in the scorching heat because if what they were proposing was heard by passersby they might’ve ended up being shot for treason.

That tidbit always stuck in my mind - just how much they were willing to sacrifice for liberty.


42 posted on 07/09/2012 10:51:08 AM PDT by P.O.E. (Pray for America)
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