Skip to comments.Military Strategy: What are the optimal siege tactics for taking Magic Kingdom's Cinderella Castle?
Posted on 07/17/2012 7:34:08 PM PDT by DogByte6RER
Military Strategy: What are the optimal siege tactics for taking Magic Kingdom's Cinderella Castle?
What if the Mouse House rises up as an evil totalitarianism government, enslaving the masses and dooming us all to a life of hand-stitching Pluto plushies? Something would have to be done. And one pack of folks has outlined the perfect plan of attack on Magic Kingdom's Cinderella Castle.
The story originates at Quora.com as follows ...
Cinderella Castle is the the worldwide-recognized icon of the Disney empire. Physical representations of it stand at the center of two Disney Parks: Walt Disney World in Florida, and Tokyo Disneyland. Assuming it were an actual fortress, how would you take it?
One Marine devises his plan as follows ...
Operation It's a Small War After All
Prepared by Sgt. Jon Davis USMC
I chose to ignore the stipulation of a pre-gunpowder based strategy because the fortifications defending the Magic Kingdom and housing its troops was built with modern technology and therefore should be also considered a target for modern warfare.
A ground must be chosen in which you can quickly secure a foothold into the Magic Kingdom. This position must be easily accessible for the invasion force, provide cover and concealment for the troops and give strategic advantage once taken while depriving the enemy of the same. For this mission, I choose the area outside the tracks, between Tomorrowland and Main Street USA. Consideration must be taken to ensure we are not spotted by the monorail.
The next phase would be the first two infantry companies sneaking in through the wooded area in the Southeast between Tomorrowland and Mainstreet, USA. Their primary targets are the train station and entrance to the park (to prevent enemy escape or reinforcements.) The Tomorrowland company's objective is to secure the square and and buildings, as well as any advanced technologies it may hold. Marines and soldiers are advised to not use the teleporters. They're a trap. They will only kill your unit and replace him with an evil alien. Their main attack route will be through the stage. Also important is that troops remember to take all underground entry points and gas them to prevent surprise attacks from the tunnels.
Securing Mainstreet USA (now Mike Station) and Tomorrowland (Tango Base): By this point we should be concerned with securing our assets in Mike Station and Tango Base. You will see in the map below that I have shown the locations of sniper and machine gun teams along the buildings and alleyways in the two operations centers. The weapons should be made to cover key positions likely to receive any counter attack through likely avenues of approach with overlapping fields of fire and pinpoint targeting by the snipers. Note also that there is still artillery in the forest ready for the enemy.
Primary assault on Cinderella's Stronghold: Now comes the glory. An assault force comprised of an infantry company staged in Tango base will attack the back of the castle. The most obvious route is to take on the castle through the Mainstreet. This is what they want you to think and will result in the sure death of you and your men. The front of the castle is lined with a moat and the counterattack will be an easy matter if they blow the bridge and your men stand helpless staring at the statue of Walt as they are taken out one by one. Go through Fantasyland and attack the castle in the rear. There is no moat and the defenses are much weaker. This will also be the time when you would need to prepare with additional reinforcements at the train station for the final assault.
While in Fantasyland we will have the opportunity to take down the menace of all parents everywhere. The "It's a Small World" ride will be within our reach. Our secondary objective is to eliminate the ride with extreme prejudice. This isn't a capture mission like the castle, but one of complete annihilation. Expect heavy casualties as their adorable repetitiveness burns into your skulls like white phosphorous in the jungle. Our sacrifices will be great, but our suffering is in the name of protecting others.
The Coup De Grâce:
Now that the castle's main attention is on the defenses of it's rear the primary invasion force will be ready to take structure. Infantry staged at the station will now make their way down Mainstreet and secure the statue and the moat. They will then spread out to secure the other zones of the region as they take the castle. Mission accomplished.
And as always men, honor the fallen.
A most worthy military invasion plan by Sgt. Davis ... give him a battlefield commission and let the fireworks begin!
We were THERE just last month for my son’s H.S. graduation. It’s RIPE for the taking!
Nuke it from orbit....
... it’s the only way to be sure.
I can see you on the tip of this spear ...
A NAPL PING
Don’t drop any trash. A brigade armed with pointy sticks will be unleashed on the area and who knows where that will lead.
Seems to me that things are being left pretty wide open between 7 o’clock and 12 o’clock.
The enemy rodent could slip out that way and leave the castle booby trapped. Or he could be setting you up for a long guerrilla war.
You know the battle field is riddled with tunnels don’t you? You didn’t?
Who’s in charge of this chicken outfit?
Nuke it 'till it glows, and then bomb it in the dark.
Bring in the Tunnel Rats, amigo.
Why launch a full-up military assault when The Mouse would be perfectly happy to turn the keys over in return for a nice, fat check.
Seems to me that you’d be taking indirect fire from everywhere from Toontown to adventureland.
The Magic Kingdom is a diversion. Resources will be wasted and the casualties will be epic.
Those Disney Characters will welcome death over having to stay in costume in the Florida heat, and they will take as many of you with them as they possibly can.
Remember, Pluto is short for Plutonium.
All the power lies in Disneyland. That is where you will find what you are looking for. Just Nuke California Adventure, it isn’t worth the fight.
Stay off of Main Street and avoid an urban warfare scenario.
R.A.Heinlein: “A human being should be able to ... plan an invasion ... Specialization is for insects.” We have a winner!
....Nuk it from orbit, only way to be sure
Fatal flaw with phase #1: Initial staging outside park in in the middle of Harbor Blvd! In full view of many cheap hotels crawling with mouse sympathizers!
Yes, West would definitely be better.
I was just watching the original broadcast of the opening of Disneyland in 1955. Reagan was one of the hosts, and the park was dedicated with the Star Spangled Banner, the raising of the flag, and Jewish, Protestant and Catholic clergy, with a prayer from Walt’s nephew, a pastor. How wonderful to be able to “be” there via Youtube!
While in Fantasyland we will have the opportunity to take down the menace of all parents everywhere. The "It's a Small World" ride will be within our reach. Our secondary objective is to eliminate the ride with extreme prejudice. This isn't a capture mission like the castle, but one of complete annihilation. Expect heavy casualties as their adorable repetitiveness burns into your skulls like white phosphorous in the jungle. Our sacrifices will be great, but our suffering is in the name of protecting others
Should they accomplish this, thousands of beleaguered Disney employees will immediately defect and join the attackers. There is nothing...NOTHING...as insidious as "It's A Small World", and they will rejoice to be rid of it.
The scene in "The Lion King" where Scar reacts violently to Zazu's singing of the song was Disney's self-effacing hat-tip to the thousands upon thousands of Disney employees who have been tortured by that hideous song over the decades.
Burn it to a crater, then salt the earth.
No Blood For Pixie Dust!
Nuke it 'till it glows, and then bomb it in the dark.
So it is written, so let it be done.
The swing through Tomorrowland reminds me of the Schlieffen Plan.
The first step is to properly identify the target. It is Sleeping Beauty’s Castle.
I’m a solution-oriented guy.
Ain't nuthin to nasty for that abomination!
Not even The Doctor can (or wants to) save it; it WILL be exterminated...Exterminate! EXTERMINATE!! EXTERMINATE!!!
I never knew you were a Dalek.
[Explains a lot, really...]
“I will storm hell, if you will but plan it.”
- General “Mad Anthony” Wayne
There’s one major problem with this. Information available up to now has always indicated that the Mouse forces have available to their forces “Magic”. Now, this either insinuates that Mouse forces have either the ability to alter fundamental physical constants at the local level, or they possess technology at a level high enough above ours as to appear to be “Magic”.
Unless and until the issue of the Mouse fortress possessing otherworldly or immensly superior technology is addressed through something like a covert asset insertion, any attempt to undertake a direct assault risks a high probability of outright annihilation.
A significant number of military and civillian assets have gone missing over the last 57 years in the area (allegedly) to the south of the Kingdom (The so called “Devils Triangle). Given what is known of the Kingdom at this point, it’s not a stretch to consider that people lost in those areas have actually been captured and enslaved, with their souls being used to run the infernal devices powering the Kingdom.
The Mouse Kingdom should not be triffled with without serious intel, The situation now is at least better than having a whole defeated nation chasing each other around with oversized hammers, slaving under dwarves and whistling while we work (in a vain attemt to summon the release of death?)
The ultra-rare Red-White-&-Blue Dalek...so rare, there’s no screen shots, nor even an action figure. ;-’)
Just a few changes like this and she never gets a castle.
Spotters in the top of the castle will see these troops long before they ever get to the castle. This will need a diversion and some heavy prep fire to take it without being annihilated.
With this plan, enemy snipers from the Contemporary Hotel will be shooting at your C&C and artillery the entire time. You will also have to deal with Disney Marines stationed at the Polynesian Hotel hitting your rear from the monorail and the boats via the TTC.
I would have come in through the north side of the park. If you have taken the train ride around the park, you know that area is undeveloped but still provides natural cover and concealment. It also has access roads to provide quick movement by Abrams, Bradleys, and Strykers.
We’re visiting the Mouse in September. I’m sure I’ll have plenty of recon photos including many of the enemy soldiers.
And that worked out so well the last time...
No doubt it’s been many and a many-a, my Squidly FRiend, but what intel have you to add reference enemy tunnel recon afore this mission kicks off? LOL
A broad assault like the Russians in Berlin. Encirclement followed by massive heavy artillery bombardment. Then send in sappper to fight in the tunnels. The workers will throw down their arms but hardcore fans will fight to the last. If Mickey pulls a Saddam,then expect a long protracted war. I suspect he will prefer to take Minnie into the bunker. Goofy will be appointed commander in chief after Mickey puts a Walther in his mouth and pulls the trigger. Goofy will be hanged for crimes against humanity.
What about naval assets? We could parachute a detachment onto Tom Sawyer Island and run in an amphibious assault on the Mark Twain. Are the submarines still there? I loved the submarines. Crush depth, Cap’n!
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