DUmmie FUnnies 12-26-12 ("I'll Be DUmb for Christmas": DUmmies Deal with Republican Relatives)

DUmmie FUnnies ^ | December 26, 2012 | DUmmies and Charles Henrickson

[Charles Henrickson]

It's a longstanding tradition here at DUmmie FUnnies: seeing how the DUmmies manage to annoy their relatives at family gatherings for Thanksgiving and Christmas. And this year is no different. We'll see how obnoxious the DUmmies can be here in this THREAD, "How Do You Deal With Republican Relatives During The Holidays?"

But before we do, let's sing this DUmmieland holiday classic!

I'LL BE DUMB FOR CHRISTMAS
Tune: "I'll Be Home for Christmas"

I'll be DUmb for Christmas,
You can count on me;
I'll have polls on gun control--
And the President's on TV!

Christmas Eve you'll hear me
Spout my left-wing memes;
I'll be DUmb for Christmas
And haunt you in your dreams. . . .

So with that, let us now travel to Skins's Island of Misfit Annoys, in Rude-self the Red-faced Haranguer Red, while the commentary of your humble guest correspondent, the wag tailoring the doggerel, Charles Henrickson, who had both the Christ Mass and a pleasant family gathering yesterday, is in the [brackets]:

How Do You Deal With Republican Relatives During The Holidays?

[Stay Underground. Don't leave the basement. Your relatives will be grateful, believe me.]

so far today, grandpa has gone on and on . . . about President Obama . . . and I can sense it will only get worse from both grandparents later on when some of my more liberal relatives arrive.

[Well, look, when your fellow libs arrive, you can all gang up on grumpy gramps and give him grief. It'll be FUn!]

I'm thinking I should print out a picture of President Obama and the Electoral Map, so anytime they want to bring something up, I can just hold up both as a reminder who won the election. I can make my point without saying a word!

[Good thinking! That'll make for a pleasant evening, lighten the mood. How about wearing an Obama-Biden bumper sticker on your forehead? Maybe bring some campaign buttons for stocking stuffers?]

I've got a RW sister-in-law. . . . Luckily, she lives 2000 miles away. . . .

[I wonder why?]

I'll be faced with that tomorrow morning at the family gathering with at least 2 teabaggers. (Life members of the NRA, doncha know). With all the family there, I have decided to avoid major confrontation, and bring just one zinger with me, to be inserted at the opportune moment, to wit: The NRA represents less than 2% of the US population, and they certainly don't speak for me.

[Oh, man, BURN! That'll show them! Now if you could only come up with a zinger about the Second Amendment, which represents one of the top ten rights guaranteed in the U.S. Constitution.]

Best IMO is to ignore them if you can, you'll never change their mind. Willful ignorance is a hard thing to change. . . .

you are so right!! For them: Ignorance is strength!

Hello, how are you? And then I ignore them. No matter what they say, I ignore it.

[And the DUmmies can't even see the irony in this.]

All but one of the fifteen relatives coming tomorrow know not to bring up the subject. There is one elderly woman that will possibly try but we three Democrats will be on her like white on rice before it goes anywhere.

[We three progs of disorient are . . .]

you can say: Please refrain from discussing politics or you can leave or I will.

[They will say: You will leave? Promise?]

Share happy things you have in common.

[Compare nose piercings. Talk about what you did for winter solstice. Show photos of your marijuana garden. You know, just ordinary chit-chat.]

Cut them some slack in their old age. Remember, they're pretty much irrelevant any more.

[Soon the old geezers will be facing those Obamacare death panels, so I wouldn't waste much time on them.]

F*** REPUBLICAN RELATIVES THEY'RE ALL EVIL SCUM

[That's the holiday spirit, DUmmie gopiscrap!]

My wife anfd I haven't talked with her side of the family since 1980..they were all Reagan nuts and we got in a big fight. . . .

[Why am I not surprised? Perhaps your "F*** THAT EVIL SCUM RAY-GUN!" did not exactly set a cheery tone for the conversation.]

Who was at fault? You sound very - loud.

[HEY, F*** YOU, YOU EVIL SCUM LOUSY FREEPER TROLL!!!]

I told them I would just as soon see you dead, than be a republican. . . .

[Well, who could be offended at that? No, DUmmie gopiscrap, you sound pretty mild and even-tempered to me.]

There are no R's in my family so I don't have to deal with any.

[R'S "R" NOT US]

You won't change your grandparents' minds, but you can at least poke fun at them.

[Play little pranks on them, like hiding the Christmas presents they opened and then, when they can't find them, saying they must have misplaced them. Great FUn! Serves 'em right for being Rethuglican!]

If you can find the answer to your question, you should get the Nobel prize for psychology!

[If you would just stick to pleasant Christmas stuff, I'd give you the Noel Peace Prize.]

The trick is to chat the young people up with Liberal ideas and make good natured fun of the Right Wing Idiot.

[Turn the young skulls full of mush into card-carrying Obama Youth!]

Take a tip from my grandson,...and whenever someone says something that you think is stupid just say "Whatever!" and let it go,,say it over and over!! WHATEVER...and shrug your shoulders as you do.

[Whatever.]

I'm gonna pretend to be sh*tfaced. . . .

[Probably not much of a stretch.]

Minimal contact.

[Stand outside on the patio and pretend you're a snowman. Gramps may have a scarf and hat you can borrow.]

Why would you react with an Electoral map? I avoid people that do things like that - from the left and right - at family holiday gatherings. . . . I follow an old rule. When you lose, say little. When you win, say even less.

[DUmmie Zax2me, if you will now open up your Christmas present. . . . Yes, that one right there, in the Li'l Beaver wrapping. . . . Open it up, and you will find. . . . Why, it's a Kewpie Doll! Congratulations!]

I just can't relate, my family get-togethers look like a Democratic precinct committee meeting. When we start talking politics, it's to viciously trash Republicans, and is a group effort.

[That says "Christmas" to me!]

I've been alone for xmess for many years now. You eventually get used to it, and learn to actually like it, because you don't have all those mindless people around. Think of it. You don't have to deal with the shopping crowds, or the meals with irate relatives. You can sit home in your underwear, get bombed out of your mind, and do whatever you like.

[A Party of One!]

you could just 'mic check' your Grandpa

[Occupy Grandpa's House!]

I shout obscenities at them out the window while they wave their penises at traffic. Ah x-mas, that special time of year.

[It's those Christmas traditions that make it so special.]

[Newtoidaho]

They don’t, they just celebrate the winter retail festival.

[Arrowhead1952]

I told them I would just as soon see you dead, than be a republican. . . .

Dead Republican people become democrap voters the next election, so what's the big deal.

The trick is to chat the young people up with Liberal ideas and make good natured fun of the Right Wing Idiot.

DUmmie above is a pedophile.

[Winstons Julia]

My entire family is pretty much Republican, with the big exception of my cousin’s husband. The ONLY politics discussed this Christmas was when he was talking about the place they had COME from...his family’s...where ONE family member (even though my cousin is Republican) kept referring to “those f-ing Republicans.”

Ahhh....Christmas.

[wbill]

There is one elderly woman that will possibly try but we three Democrats will be on her like white on rice before it goes anywhere

MMMMMMMmmmmmmmm, beating up on little old ladies. Happy Holidays to all! /doineedasarctag?

IF the "elderly woman" in question was from the south, she'd say "Well, bless their hearts." That's a lot more polite way of putting what I'm thinking.