i keep forgetting you write satire...
Posted on 01/26/2013 11:39:20 AM PST by John Semmens
Now that Secretary of Defense Leon Panetta has decreed that women may not be excluded from front line combat positions, Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff General Martin Dempsey ordered a review of the standards applied to personnel in these positions. Dempsey's order specifically requires all commanders to justify any minimum standards that would tend to disproportionately impact women.
“As it stands now, many of the physical requirements imposed on combat troops are beyond the capabilities of the vast majority of female soldiers,” Dempsey said. “This makes the standards inherently discriminatory and denies these female soldiers equal rights. The Commander-in-Chief has made it clear that it is his policy to have an army that looks like America. Regulations must be revised to accommodate this goal.”
While acknowledging that “women might lack the physical strength to lug wounded comrades to safety,” Dempsey contended that “these deficiencies might be more than compensated by women's greater skills in nurturing those who are injured and frightened. Many grievously wounded soldiers' final thoughts are of their mothers or wives. The presence of female platoon mates could help ease their transition to deceased status.”
The General expressed a hope that “international agreements would be reached that would help level the playing field for combat between units of all-male troops vs. units of mixed genders. We're optimistic that a sense of chivalry can be instilled which will give the female soldier a fair chance of surviving a hand-to-hand encounter with a male enemy soldier.”
if you missed any of this week's other semi-news/semi-satire posts you can find them at...
http://www.freedomsphoenix.com/Opinion/127210-2013-01-25-semi-news-a-satire-of-recent-news-january-27-2013.htm
They are going to be switching to "gender neutral testing".
What is gender neutral testing if not lowering the standards?
Semmens is so close to the truth. Scary.
In a follow up foray into semi-satire, you might explorer the effects of men “choosing NOT to fight on the front lines”, now that it seems “optional” for women.
Why have standards at all?
The only purpose of standards is to discriminate against the incompetent and unqualified.
These sounds completely like something the lib-psychos who support women in combat would say in reality.
Your satire, which is good, has unfortunately become reality over the last few years.
5.56mm
America is being PUNISHED...
Punished by liberal standards becoming law and reality..
A liberal America will get what it deserves..
A juvenile liberal America will get what it wants..
Pipe dreams and complex schemes that do not work...
Barry Obama is PUNISHMENT... political Masochism and Sadism..
Lady Liberty has got a Hammar and Sickle tattooed on her butt..
and has gone.... GOTHIC..
By the time she figures out this is a mistake..
She will be Pimped out.. and an addict of “green stuff”..
I was “had”, until i got to the last line. This administration is destroying the military, piece by piece, day by day.
Standards? What are those? How many impeachable offenses is King 0bama up to now, over 100 or so?
i keep forgetting you write satire...
I have a hunch that women carry less weight in their packs, run fewer miles, do fewer sit ups and push ups in training than men.
Ha...good one...the phrase *sense of chivelry* almost had me with a quick terse retort. Lol
“We don’t care how many women and men are wounded and killed, how many battles lost, how many POWs are raped and tortured by their enemies, how many innocent civilians are butchered. We *know* that we are right! That we are always right! And logic and facts be damned! It is better that America is conquered and subjugated than that those who disagree with us get their way! The protozoa that control our brains make us do these things! We must obey out microorganism overlords!”
Fixed it
Keep up the good work - the best satire is so embedded in truth that it’s hard to separate them. Thanks John
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