Chainsaws are too noisy.
Posted on 12/18/2013 2:15:41 PM PST by Impala64ssa
With a week to go before the big day, I’ve need to get something off my chest: If I hear Paul McCartney’s “Wonderful Christmastime” again I’m going to convert to Norse paganism, grab a battle-ax and lay waste to the local all-holiday radio station.
The choir of children sing their song! Ding dong! Ding dong! Ding dong! ding Ahhhhhhh… "SECURITY! A Viking just killed the board op! Save us from the wrath of the Northmen!"
The ex-Beatle abomination is number one on my list and I can’t even bear to embed the video. But there are other horrifying songs that litter airwaves, malls and waiting rooms in an effort to ruin this time of year.
2. Band Aid "Do They Know Its Christmas"
A common question among early 80s New Romantics was “What do Bob Geldof and Midge Ure think about the birth of Christ?” Unfortunately they answered with a British “all-star” carol featuring heartwarming lines such as:
And the Christmas bells that ring there Are the clanging chimes of doom Well tonight thank God it's them instead of you
Just try to enjoy those presents now, you Thatcherite fascists!
3. Bruce Springsteen "Santa Claus Is Comin' To Town" Springsteen is popular in New Jersey because he always sings about escaping New Jersey. Santa didn’t get the hint and is flying into Newark unless Bruce can ward him off with his gravelly voice and faux stage banter. This song mostly makes the list because I’ve heard it every day of Advent since I discovered radio. Enough.
4. Wham! "Last Christmas" face on a lover with a fire in his heart A man under cover but you tore him apart
George Michael isn’t singing about Santa or the baby Jesus in this one. But occasionally you can hear it hummed in public bathrooms coast to coast.
5. John Lennon "Happy Xmas (War Is Over)" In a world of bad ideas, “Hey, let’s ask the atheist to write a Christmas song!” might have the worst results. As the video shows, the proper spelling is “Xmas” and the season needs less decking the halls and more dying children in far-off places. Ex-Beatles and Christmas don't mix.
So those are my picks. What do you think are the worst Christmas songs of all time?
There was nothing scary in the book, and certainly not in the movie. I had decided that had to be what he meant, however.
I remember that song well, I had it on vinyl and cassette.
I like Teddy The Red Nosed Senator :>}
Chainsaws are too noisy.
I bet 4 of them are from Barbara Streisand.
Magic dust!
For me it’s Gene Autry’s “Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer”.
I had a job in a store the year it was released-(yes,I’m old).
It played constantly,hour after hour,without a break,in order to sell the record. They sold thousands of them.
All these years later I still detest the song.
.
Ah, but remember, in 1843 this would have been a good ghost story.
With the services of a fine elocutionist, the dramatic reading would have been something to experience.
Or the line “War Is Over...If You Want It.”
Well guess what? “Charlie” didn’t want the war to be over.
I’ll yield to that argument. I’ve seen and initiated enough dramatic reading in my lifetime to appreciate that.
I actually remember watching this on live network television.
Thanks! My keyboard needed washing anyways...
FMCDH(BITS)
I saw in the store the other day (Walmart). I threw up in my mouth a little bit.
McCartney’s “Wonderful Christmas Time” is high on my list of pathetic songs. And I love Paul as a songwriter; just not this one. Bob
Bieber’s “Dead Paparazzi Under My Christmas Tree” simply does not invoke the spirit of Christmas. Bob
What’s wrong with TSO?
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