Posted on 01/09/2014 10:45:29 AM PST by Oberon
SEATTLE — Former Defense Secretary Robert Gates is in critical-but-stable condition in Seattle-Tacoma General Hospital after a tragic accident in his home kitchen left him brutally stabbed multiple times, sources confirmed this morning.
Gates’ wife Becky found him lying on the floor of the family kitchen and called 911, according to a family spokesperson.
Investigators believe Gates, 70, slipped on an orange peel while preparing breakfast and fell onto a paring knife 68 times. Paramedics confirmed that while grabbing for a handhold to stabilize himself, he also accidentally discharged a 20-gauge shotgun into the back of his own head three times. At some point several minutes earlier, he also mistook arsenic for Equal, stirring the deadly poison into his morning tea.
Mrs. Gates, while upset, was in high spirits and family confirmed she had gone to the hospital to be with her husband.
Gates has attracted a significant amount of attention due to his upcoming memoir titled Duty: Memoirs of a Secretary at War. The book, set for release on Jan. 14, offers harsh criticism of President Obama’s approach to the war in Afghanistan and distrust of uniformed military advisors.
Gates’ injuries will likely lead to the cancellation of a publicity tour planned to boost sales of the memoir, which was set to begin next week.
And when he fell on the knife, he happened to fall backwards!
He is lucky that Obama is in the White House and he doesn’t have to look over his shoulder while tied in his hospital bed. If the hilderbeast was still living there he would be in much greater danger.
He fell down an elevator shaft...onto some bullets.
not funny sick satire
yup. and his Ford Mustang will suddenly steer him over a cliff, too, using its spy system and GPS (see article on FR a few items beneath this one today)
Why am I not laughing?
Could it be because this was done to deflect negative attention away from Obama, Biden and Hillary and toward Gates?
Done by a Leftist?
Please correct me if this is done by somebody on our side, but what would the reason be for doing it, then?
Funny but I hope he has good security at least through Jan 2016.
Jan 2017
If that's your point of view, you don't understand. This is a spoof article that implies that the Obama administration would willingly put this man to death and the media would help cover it up.
That's why it's funny... the joke is at the liberals' expense.
Should he survive, he will be prosecuted for unsafe storage of a firearm, a felony requiring a life sentence, in his case.
Not likely. This is DuffelBlog. They like Gates.
Thank God he has Obamacare!
Is he on Obamacare? He’s screwed if he is :)
I understood what they were trying to do. Just didn’t find it funny.
That didn’t help Clinton’s attackers.
Shudda stayed in bed!
No damp flight to Molokai with potato gun, and firery drive to LAX...?
“Why am I not laughing?
Could it be because this was done to deflect negative attention away from Obama, Biden and Hillary and toward Gates?
Done by a Leftist?
Please correct me if this is done by somebody on our side, but what would the reason be for doing it, then?”
spot on. not only that, but don’t you think if gets really wanted to out Obama, there would be much more serious charges than afghanistan?
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