Job Openings Hit New Record [semi-satire]

Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 18 Mar 2018 | John Semmens

[John Semmens]

This week the US Bureau of Labor Statistics reported that job openings increased to a record 6.3 million. The number of openings now equals the number of currently unemployed Americans.

House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif) assailed these statistics, saying "this is the economic disaster our Party tried to avert, but the GOP rammed through their tax cut, which as we now see, has created a serious labor shortage. Millions of unemployed Americans will now be pressured into taking jobs they'd rather not do."

Pelosi also contended that "these statistics validate the foolishness of the Administration's determination to throttle immigration. In addition to trying to force unwilling Americans into the workforce the barriers to immigration will result in rising labor costs for businesses across a wide spectrum as the pool of undocumented workers shrinks due to heightened ICE efforts to deport those in the country illegally."

The Minority Leader cited Trump's proposed 30 foot high border wall as "an obnoxious impediment to the free flow of migrating herds of Mexicans seeking better opportunities in lands forcibly seized from their country by 19th century American aggression. Maybe I could support a 30 inch wall. That would be high enough to block the physically unfit from entering the United States while still allowing the much needed and spry individuals who mow our lawns and make our beds to still get through."

In related news, Jose Inez Garcia-Zarate, the illegal alien who killed Kate Steinle in 2015 has filed suit alleging that the state's prosecution of him for the slaying was "vindictive." Garcia was acquitted in the case because, although he did fire the gun that caused Steinle's death the jury accepted his assertion that it was an accident. "I told the police that I didn't even know that woman," Garcia said. "I had no motive to kill her. In my country, firing guns into the air is our way of celebrating. Yet, they went ahead and put me on trial. If that wasn't vindictive prosecution I don't know what is." The lawsuit has put Garcia's 6th deportation on hold.

if you missed any of this week's other semi-news/semi-satire posts you can find them at...

http://www.gopbriefingroom.com/index.php/topic,308300.0.html

[scottinoc]

Maybe I could support a 30 inch wall. That would be high enough to block the physically unfit from entering the United States while still allowing the much needed and spry individuals who mow our lawns and make our beds to still get through."

LOL, too close to the truth! In the reality of Pelosi's alleged mind, the only qualification for crossing the border is being able to register to vote as a Democrat ("yeah, just go ahead and check that box that says Es Usted Ciudadano de los Estados Unidos").

[kempster]

“Millions of unemployed Americans will now be pressured into taking jobs they’d rather not do.”

So, we should pay their asses to stay home and do nothing until a CEO position comes along for them?

[John Semmens]

I’m pretty sure they’d prefer a board of directors spot. Boards only meet briefly a couple of times a year and attendees receive payments in the tens of thousands of dollars. I believe Chelsea Clinton recommended these spots for young people trying to move up in the world like she has.