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Uvalde Police Criticize Indiana Mall Armed Citizen For Not Waiting Around Outside For An Hour
Babylon Bee ^ | 07/19/2022 | Babylon Bee

Posted on 07/19/2022 8:58:48 AM PDT by DFG

UVALDE, TX — After an armed private citizen bravely stopped a mass shooting at an Indiana mall, the Uvalde Police Department in Texas issued a statement of condemnation, criticizing the citizen for not waiting outside for an hour.

"This is exactly why we can't have armed citizens taking the law into their own hands," said Uvalde CISD Police Chief Pete Arredondo. "We professionals know that the correct procedure is to mill around the hallway and sanitize your hands, or wait outside for an hour until the shooting stops before going in. That's the only way you can ensure nothing bad or dangerous will ever happen to you. Who does this so-called 'good Samaritan' think he is?"

The owners of Greenwood Park Mall in Indiana also criticized the armed citizen for carrying a concealed handgun even though doing so is against the mall's code of conduct. "He broke our mall's code of conduct! Is nothing sacred anymore?" said Simon Malls district manager Reginald Peasley. "We have trusted police officers to take care of this stuff for us!"

At publishing time, Texas Governor Greg Abbot invited the "good Samaritan" to Texas to replace the entire Uvalde Police Department.


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: abbott; arredondo; babylonbee; goodsamaritan; indianamall; uvalde

1 posted on 07/19/2022 8:58:48 AM PDT by DFG
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To: DFG

Savage.


2 posted on 07/19/2022 9:04:05 AM PDT by nickcarraway
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To: DFG

ROFL.


3 posted on 07/19/2022 9:05:01 AM PDT by MeneMeneTekelUpharsin (Freedom is the freedom to discipline yourself so others don't have to do it for you.)
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To: DFG

That one is going to sting.


4 posted on 07/19/2022 9:05:33 AM PDT by Scott from the Left Coast (Make Orwell Fiction Again)
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To: DFG

Rightly so! Total Over reaction by the so called ‘Good Sumatran’. He should have left things to the professionals. They would have been there in 70-80 minutes tops!


5 posted on 07/19/2022 9:07:14 AM PDT by Kartographer (“We Mutually Pledge To Each Other Our Lives, Our Fortunes And Our Sacred Honor”)
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To: DFG

Ouch…that one is going to hurt


6 posted on 07/19/2022 9:08:16 AM PDT by Jan_Sobieski (Sanctification)
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To: DFG

The 370+ LEOs at the Uvalde shooting concur. They see it as a threat to their job security. Plus, there are only so many donuts to go around.


7 posted on 07/19/2022 9:37:16 AM PDT by ConservativeInPA (Scratch a leftist and you'll find a fascist )
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To: nickcarraway

Agreed. They will never live it down, and they shouldn’t be allowed to. May it follow them to the end of their days.


8 posted on 07/19/2022 9:37:50 AM PDT by TheDon (Resist the usurpers)
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To: DFG

The 22 year old kid with a pistol showed what worthless sacks of crap those police really were 🤪


9 posted on 07/19/2022 9:45:13 AM PDT by NWFree (Somebody has to say it)
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To: nickcarraway

Needs to be.


10 posted on 07/19/2022 9:59:53 AM PDT by Delta 21 (It started as a virus, and mutated into an IQ test.)
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To: DFG
damn the BEE...

11 posted on 07/19/2022 10:28:51 AM PDT by Chode (there is no fall back position, there's no rally point, there is no LZ... we're on our own. #FJB)
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To: DFG

Too soon? No. It’s not too soon.


12 posted on 07/19/2022 10:51:39 AM PDT by Theo (FReeping since 1998 ... drain the swamp.)
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To: DFG

😂


13 posted on 07/19/2022 12:18:50 PM PDT by Georgia Girl 2 (The only purpose of a pistol is to fight your way back to the rifle you should never have dropped)
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To: DFG

That young man has more balls than the entire Uvalde police farce.


14 posted on 07/19/2022 12:39:08 PM PDT by George J. Jetso
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To: DFG

I knew it had to be the Bee.


15 posted on 07/19/2022 12:54:15 PM PDT by MayflowerMadam
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