Biden Blames GOP for Border Crisis [semi-satire]

Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 4 Feb 2024 | John Semmens

[John Semmens]

President Biden insists that "it's the Republicans who are responsible for the mess at the border. They won't give me the money I need to hire the Border Patrol officers and judges to keep the flow moving. If I had the money all the migrants stuck in Texas could've been distributed to states that currently have a shortage and the crisis would be over."

House Speaker Mike Johnson (R-La) disagreed, saying "there are already laws on the books authorizing the President to prevent the illegal entry through our borders. The crisis stems from the President's refusal to enforce these laws. What he's now demanding is that we fund his plan to ignore these laws so he can continue the flow of these invaders and send them to other states where they can become a burden to taxpayers there."

Gov. Ned Lamont (D-Conn) agreed with Johnson, saying "we don't need new legislation to solve the border crisis. I have offered to send Connecticut Guard troops to help secure the border, but Biden has rejected this offer. He believes that with the media's help he can blame Republicans for rejecting the Schumer-McConnell scheme to fund increased illegal immigration and the continuation of the war in Ukraine. He thinks it will be a winning campaign issue. I think the damage he is doing to the country is a losing issue for Democrats."

Data show that Texas' increased efforts to deter illegal immigration have been working. Illegal crossings have declined from more than 3,000 per day to 200 per day. Yet, the Biden Administration went to court to stop Texas from using razor wire to impede illegal immigration and has threatened to send federal troops to confront and subdue Texas Guard troops and police at the border.

Vice-President Kamala Harris defended the Administration's actions, saying "the notion that we can continue to keep these migrants out is a non-starter. We will never agree to that. What we need to do is expedite the process of granting them citizenship so their votes will help elect the Democrats who will continue to provide them with the financial sustenance they need to live. Remember, they are coming here because life in their native countries is too hard. Republicans are selfishly opposed to sharing our wealth with these refugees. The only way to to achieve a fairer distribution of wealth is by removing the Republicans from any positions of power or influence they hold."

Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-Ky) sided with Biden and Harris. "It's Johnson and the House Republicans that are preventing the compromise Sen. Schumer and I worked out," he said. "We have to give the President the money he wants to ease the backlog of migrants being shipped to the other red states so Democrats will vote for the additional funds needed to support Ukraine in its war with Russia."

Trump asserted that "McConnell's so-called compromise is a disaster for the American people. Forcing taxpayers to pay more to aid these invaders from the south and to finance an unnecessary war doesn't benefit the citizens of this country. It further exploits them for purposes they don't agree with. Voters will punish the Republican Party at the polls for McConnell's betrayal."

If you missed any of the other Semi-News/Semi-Satire posts you can find them at...

https://www.freedomsphoenix.com/Opinion/357647-2024-02-03-semi-news-semi-satire-february-4-2024-edition.htm

[John Semmens]

ping

[Jan_Sobieski]

I blame them too. They do nothing to stop it! There is no opposition in the Uniparty

[Liz]

Just what Biden needs to end the border crisis:
rewarding the violent Venezuelan illegal (gesturing obscenely)
who was released without bail for beating up NYPD cops.

[ducttape45]

House Speaker Mike Johnson (R-La) disagreed, saying "there are already laws on the books authorizing the President to prevent the illegal entry through our borders. The crisis stems from the President's refusal to enforce these laws. What he's now demanding is that we fund his plan to ignore these laws so he can continue the flow of these invaders and send them to other states where they can become a burden to taxpayers there."

Exactly right. Just enforce the laws already on the books and the problem ends. But the current Thief in Command doesn't want to.

[Lumper20]

Mitch and Biden are total fools.

[Ancesthntr]

And, of course, Joe’s 64 E.O.s loosening immigration controls have nothing to do with the immigration crisis, nor do all of the flights from Central America into cities all over the country.

F you, you senile, corrupt old Leftist!

[Dick Bachert]

[know.your.why]

I really wonder how many lefties go to bed at night knowing what all has transpired since summer 2020, believe that this garbage is true. The capacity that some humans have for self-deception just baffles me. Almost like alcoholics or others in active addiction thinking that they can safely consume alcohol when they have lost everything but their very lives because of it.

[No name given]

And bleep 🤬 the whole demonrat party!

[NWFree]

President Retard has been in office for how long now?

[Seaplaner]

They added "there was insufficient support for recommending the widespread use of this vaccine to the general public. The high harm to benefit ratio contradicts the CDC's advocacy for repeated booster shots of this vaccine. The medical experts who wrote this analysis urge that a global moratorium on further injections of this mRNA product until all relevant questions pertaining to causality, residual DNA, and aberrant protein production are answered."

Excellent satire! (wait, John, this isn't true is it?)

Thanks, as always, for a great and timely column.

[FlingWingFlyer]

Time to start piss testing the demented pedo.

[John Semmens]

The part you cited is not satire.