Posted on 07/15/2005 9:42:26 PM PDT by punster
This is a really funny joke that has been going around.
The Jewish man comes to see the rabbi. He is really frantic, he wails, "Rabbi! Rabbi! I don't know what my son is going to become. He doesn't seem to be interested in anything!"
The rabbi listens to the man's tale of woe. Finally, he says, "When you go home tonight, put a Torah, a hundred dollar bill, and a bottle of whiskey on the table. Observe what your son does. If your son picks up the Torah, he will become a noted rabbi. If your son picks up the hundred dollar bill, he will become a successful financier. If he picks up the bottle of whiskey, your son will become a drunken bum."
The Jewish man is very happy, because he now has a way to determine what his son will do with his life.
However, a week later, he returns to see the rabbi again. This time, he is even more frantic than before. He wails, "Rabbi! Rabbi! I don't know what I am going to do, I still don't know what my son will become. He came home. He picked up the Torah, he picked up the hundred dollar bill, and he picked up the bottle of whiskey. What does that mean?"
The rabbi gets a very sad look and his face, and sadly tells the Jewish man, "I am deeply sorry, but your son will become a television evangelist."
Technically it could have been a Catholic or a Protestant Minister.
It reminds me of the old story.
A priest, a minister, and a rabbi walk into a bar and the bartender says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
I'm a sucker for any joke that begins with, "a priest, a rabbi and a minister walk into a bar,...." or "a guy walks into a bar,..."
Not funny.
John Kerry walks into a bar...the bartender asks, "Why the long face?"
A priest and a rabbi are seated together on a plane eating there in flight meal
After a while, the priest turns to the rabbi and asks: "Is it still a requirement of your faith that you not eat pork?"
The rabbi responds: "Yes, that is still one of our beliefs."
The priest then asks: "Have you ever eaten pork?"
To which the rabbi replies: "Yes, on one occasion, I did succumb to temptation and tasted a ham sandwich."
The priest nodded in understanding and went on with his meal.
A while later, the rabbi spoke up and asked the priest: "Father, is it still a requirement of your church that you remain celibate?"
The priest replied: "Yes, that is still very much a part of our faith."
The rabbi then asked him: "Father, have you ever fallen to the temptation of the flesh?"
The priest replied: "Yes, rabbi, on one occasion I was weak and broke with my faith."
The rabbi nodded understandingly and then they sat silent for about five minutes,…
Then the rabbi spoke again to the priest: "Beats a ham sandwich, doesn't it?"
A skeleton walks into a bar and says:
"Gimme a beer and a mop."
The three ministers (the Archbishop, the Bishop, and a young minister just out of seminary) were out fishing. It was a really bad day for fishing. They had been there for hours, and they had not had one single bite.
The Archbishop stands up in the boat and announces, "I have faith." Then, he steps out of the boat and proceeds to walk across the water to shore.
The young minister eyes bug, but he does not want to say anything.
Soon, the Bishop stands up in the boat and declares, "I have faith." Likewise, he steps out of the boat and proceeds to walk to shore.
The young minister is doing some serious thinking. He says to himself, "Surely, I have faith."
The young minister stands up in the boat and declares, "I have faith." However, when he steps out of the boat, he goes to the bottom.
The young minister manages to swim back to the surface and pull himself back into the boat. He is feeling a bit down, since he has failed in his attempt to demonstrate his faith.
The young minister says to himself, "Surely, I must have as much faith as they do." He then stands up in the boat and declares, in a firmer voice, "I have faith." He steps out of the boat and goes straight to the bottom.
Being really persistent, the young minister swims back to the surface and pulls himself into the boat. He is really depressed now, having failed a second time to demonstrate his faith. He talks to himself, for a while, and declares to himself, "Surely I must have as much faith as they do."
Again, the young minster stands up in the boat, and with a shout, declares, "I have faith." Again, he steps out of the boat and goes to the bottom.
Again, the young minister swims to the surface and pulls himself into the boat. By now, he is totally dejected.
After watching the young minister's failures, the Bishop turns to the Archbishop and asks, "Do you think we should tell him where the rocks are?"
I heard this a long time ago, but the original punch line is, "Ah, then he is going to be a politician!"
A termite walks into a tavern and says "Is the bar-tender here?"
ping
Father Flannigan, an elderly priest invited Father O'Connell, a younger
priest from a neighboring parish who was fresh from the seminary, over for
dinner. During the meal, the young priest couldn't help noticing how
attractive and shapely the house keeper was. Over the course of the evening
he started to wonder if there was more between the elderly priest and the
housekeeper than met the eye.
Reading the young priest's thoughts, the elderly priest volunteered, "I
know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, my relationship with my
housekeeper is purely professional."
About a week later the housekeeper came to the elderly priest and said,
"Father Flannigan, ever since the Father O'Connell came to dinner, I've
been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose
he took it do you?"
The priest said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll write him a letter
just sure." So he sat down and wrote:
"Dear Father O'Connell
I thoroughly enjoyed our conversation at dinner the other night and hope we
have the opportunity to do so again.
On another matter. We had a beautiful silver ladle which was a gift from a
parishioner that comes to visit from time to time. The ladle has come up
missing and I would be very embarrassed to invite her over and she notice
the missing ladle. It is very important that it be found.
Now, I'm not saying that you 'did' take a gravy ladle from my house, and
I'm not saying you 'did not' take a gravy ladle. But the fact remains
that it has been missing ever since you were here."
Several days later the elderly priest received a letter from the young
priest which read:
"Dear Father Flannigan,
I also enjoyed our dinner and conversation and hope note only that we do so
again, but also that I be permitted to return the favor.
On the other matter. Now, I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with your
housekeeper, and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with your
housekeeper. But the fact remains that if you were sleeping in your own
bed, you would have found the gravy ladle by now."
The mother was in the bedroom, talking to her 9 year-old son, when she heard the doorbell ring.
She looked at her son and said, "Quick, hide in the closet."
A man came in, and the boy could hear some unexplained sounds, including groans and panting
sounds. Suddenly, the mother heard a car in the driveway. The little boy heard her exclaim to her
visitor, "Quick, hide in the closet!"
The man rushed to the closet and hid. The little boy heard his mother, open the door and greet
his father. The boy says, "It sure is dark in here." The man is almost sweating blood, for fear the
boy will make a commotion. Then, the boy said to the man (hiding in the closet), "Do you want to
buy a baseball card, it's only fifty dollars."
The man is outraged, fifty dollars for a lousy baseball card. He says, "No!"
The little boy says, "If you don't buy the baseball card, I'll scream." The man thinks better of the
situation, and agrees to buy the baseball card.
Soon, the boy's father leaves, and the man sneaks out the back door.
That evening, the father comes home and announces they are going out for dinner, since it is the
little boy's birthday. They go out to dinner, and when the meal is over, they go to the toy store to
buy a present for the boy.
The boy picks out a transformer toy for $49.95. However, the father believes that is too much to
spend, and tells the boy to put it back.
The boy says, "Never mind, I have enough money.", and pulls out the fifty dollar bill.
The father is shocked to see his son with that much money, and demands, "Where did you get that
much money?"
The boy says, "I sold a baseball card."
The father does not believe him, and says, "You're lying about where you got that money. We're
going down to the church, where you can explain to the man, where you got that money."
They go down to the church, and the father pushes the boy into the confession booth.
The boy exclaims, "It sure is dark in here!"
And from the other side of the screen, "Oh, No! Not you again."
LOL! I heard that one from my brother years ago. Very funny!
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