****THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS THREAD****

At a Music Store: Out to lunch. Bach at 12:30. Offenbach sooner.

At a tire shop in Milwaukee: Invite us to your next blowout.

At a Towing Company: We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows.

At a Used Car Lot: Second Hand cars in first crash condition.

At an optometrist's office: If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place.

At the electric company: We would be delighted if you send in your bill. However, if you don't, you will be.

At the entrance of the large machinery plant: Warning to young ladies: If you wear loose clothes, beware of the machinery. If you wear tight clothes, beware of the machinist.

Billboard on the side of the road: Keep your eyes on the road and stop reading these signs.

Door of a plastic surgeon’s office: Hello. May we pick your nose?

Gym: Merry Fitness and a Happy New Rear!

In a Beauty Shop: Dye now!

In a counselors office: Growing old is mandatory, growing wise is optional.

In a dentist office: Be true to your teeth or they will be false to you.

In a dry cleaner's emporium: Drop your pants here.

In a farmer’s field: The farmer allows walkers to cross the field for free, but be aware that the bull charges.

In a New York restaurant: Customers who find our waitresses rude ought to see the manager.

In a non-smoking area: If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action.

In a Podiatrist's window: Time wounds all heels.

In a restaurant window: Don't stand there and be hungry, come in and get fed up.

In a toilet: Toilet out of order. Please use floor below.

In a veterinarian’s waiting room: Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!

In an office: Would the person who took the step ladder yesterday kindly bring it back or further steps will be taken.

In the front yard of a funeral home: Drive carefully. We’ll wait.

On a butcher's window: Let me meat your needs.

On a desk in a reception room: We shoot every 3rd salesman, and the 2nd one just left.

On a fence: Salesmen welcome. Dog food is expensive.

On a maternity room door: Push. Push. Push.

On a Music Teacher's door: Out Chopin.

On a repair shop door: We can repair anything. (Please knock hard — bell out of order.)

On a Scientist's door: Gone Fission

On a taxidermist's window: We really know our stuff.

On an electrician's truck: Let us remove your shorts.

On the door of a Computer Store: Out for a quick byte.

On the door of a Music Library: Bach in a min-u-et.

Outside a Hotel: Help! We need inn-experienced people.

Outside a radiator repair shop: Best place in town to take a leak.

Sign at the psychic's Hotline: Don't call us, we'll call you.

Are you a Democrat, a Republican, or a Southerner?

Here is a little test that will help you decide.

The answer can be found by posing the following question:

You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children.
Suddenly, an Islamic Terrorist with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, praises Allah, raises the knife, and charges at you.

You are carrying a Kimber 1911 cal. 45 ACP, and you are an expert shot.
You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family.

What do you do?

.................

THINK CAREFULLY:

Democrat's Answer:

Well, that's not enough information to answer the question!
Does the man look poor or oppressed?
Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?
Could we run away?
What does my wife think?
What about the kids?
Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand?
What does the law say about this situation?
Does the Glock have appropriate safety built into it?
Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children?
Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me?
Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me?
If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me?
Should I call 9-1-1?
Why is this street so deserted?
We need to raise taxes, have paint and weed day and make this happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior.
This is all so confusing! I need to debate this with some friends for few days and try to come to a consensus.

................................

Republican's Answer :

BANG!

............................................

Southerner's Answer:

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! Click.....

(Sounds of reloading)

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!

Click

Daughter: "Nice grouping, Daddy! Were those the Winchester Silver Tips or Hollow Points?"

Son: "Can I shoot the next one!"

Wife: "You ain't taking that to the Taxidermist!

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