Posted on 05/15/2008 8:01:10 AM PDT by laotzu
On May 2, Chile's Chaiten Volcano released a gigantic cloud of emissions composed of ash, steam, smoke, and various oddball gases whose estimated amount equals to one trillion cow farts, a UN-sponsored climate change study revealed. "In just one day, this volcano set the Kyoto Protocol back 15 years, obliterating the otherwise outstanding success of our multi-billion dollar efforts to curb the release of cow farts into the atmosphere," complained Chairman of Intergovernmental Panel on Cow Farts (IPCF) Rajendra K. Pachauri at an emergency conference at Grand Plaza Hotel in New York yesterday. "Therefore, we demand that this eruption be considered unscientific and thus disqualified from inclusion into climate change models. Need I mention that it wasn't sanctioned by the the United Nations?"
The IPCF, a UN-sponsored organization tasked to evaluate the insoluble problem that threatens to end their careers, is not easily swayed by just one volcano eruption.
"Contrary to what our member states may think," said IPCC Chairman, "the success of our scientific body is measured not by the amount of released cow farts we can report in the end of each year. No, our success as a United Nations agency is measured by decreases in the production of food, decline of industries, lowered living standards, reduced life expectancy, and a complete halt of economic development in the poorest nations."
The IPCF does not carry out research, nor does it monitor cow farts. The main activity of the IPCF is publishing special reports on topics relevant to cow farts, in order to raise awareness about the potentially catastrophic effects of industrial development, self-reliance, and capitalist prosperity on the existence of various intergovernmental panels within the framework of the United Nations.
"It takes more than a volcano to stop our opposition to the threat presented by industrial production and free markets to the ideas of global government and central planning," said Mr. Pachauri. "If we don't act soon, my children may never be able to chair an intergovernmental panel, control the economy, and distribute production quotas. The hardest hit will be Third-World dictatorships that are contributing disproportionately more money to our members and their families. So it isn't just our fight. The stand against economic development and free enterprise has become an urgent global issue - a moral issue if you will - that affects the physical survival of all endangered intergovernmental agencies."
The IPCF conference concluded its work on an optimistic note, resolving that in order to compensate for all past and future volcano eruptions, the UN must push for even stricter limits on all industries and redouble taxes on developed nations.
A separate chapter calls for a special volcano tax on the worst offenders starting with Chile - with a footnote explaining that if the Chileans hadn't disposed of the Marxist regime of Salvatore Allende in 1971, the whole issue could've been avoided because they wouldn't be anywhere near the list of developed nations today.
Human farts are major causes for divorces, broken relationships, car wrecks and in some cases explosions.
For every human fart, the offender should be made to buy one spruce tree as a carbon offset.
:)
“Human farts are major causes for divorces, broken relationships, car wrecks and in some cases explosions.”
Doesn’t make the cat happy either.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yAzGVeJc5_I
One trillion cow farts... About equal to the methane released at your local Hooters during Monday Night Football...
This is all coming back around to advancing the socialist agenda, isn’t it?
Socialist governments do not keep any oversight on industrial processes. Theefore, mankind produces more various greenhouse gas compounds, thus requiring the earth spirit Gaia to produce less to restore the balance, and reducing the need for volcanos to erupt in the first place.
Pffffft.
Screw how the cat feels. I’ve had to clean their litterpans. That can be brutal on the schnozz.
Brownhouse gases.
;^)
Chile’s Chaiten Volcano released a gigantic cloud of emissions composed of ash, steam, smoke, and various oddball gases whose estimated amount equals to one trillion cow farts, a UN-sponsored climate change study revealed....
Ah see?....the U.N. is good for something....counting cow farts!
So is there a fart ping list now? :)
I'm getting afraid....very afraid....that the government will start taking something out of my SS check to cover my emissions.
So I sneak them. They have to catch me first. Sometimes I stand by the garbage truck, sometimes a lawn mower..Should I write a book? What would be a good title?
I assume that a “Cow Fart” is now a standard unit of volume. Does anyone have conversions units from “Cow Farts” to cubic inches (feet, meters, etc.?
You nailed it exactly...as you can surmise, it's small, thankfully...
I'm old too, but when you get a "walk fart", it can be tough to hide. My sister in law calls that phenomena "free farting"...
I'm guessing it's also low volume too. :)
I love the emoticon!!! How do I get that?! Anyway, about farts, kitty cats don’t do them often but when cats float the proverbial air biscuit it’s worse than “period farts”, which I don’t need to go into, as “period farts” are more disgusting and more akin to swimming in raw sewage...Ewww! Can cabbage blush?
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