Posted on 05/15/2008 8:01:10 AM PDT by laotzu
On May 2, Chile's Chaiten Volcano released a gigantic cloud of emissions composed of ash, steam, smoke, and various oddball gases whose estimated amount equals to one trillion cow farts, a UN-sponsored climate change study revealed. "In just one day, this volcano set the Kyoto Protocol back 15 years, obliterating the otherwise outstanding success of our multi-billion dollar efforts to curb the release of cow farts into the atmosphere," complained Chairman of Intergovernmental Panel on Cow Farts (IPCF) Rajendra K. Pachauri at an emergency conference at Grand Plaza Hotel in New York yesterday. "Therefore, we demand that this eruption be considered unscientific and thus disqualified from inclusion into climate change models. Need I mention that it wasn't sanctioned by the the United Nations?"
The IPCF, a UN-sponsored organization tasked to evaluate the insoluble problem that threatens to end their careers, is not easily swayed by just one volcano eruption.
"Contrary to what our member states may think," said IPCC Chairman, "the success of our scientific body is measured not by the amount of released cow farts we can report in the end of each year. No, our success as a United Nations agency is measured by decreases in the production of food, decline of industries, lowered living standards, reduced life expectancy, and a complete halt of economic development in the poorest nations."
The IPCF does not carry out research, nor does it monitor cow farts. The main activity of the IPCF is publishing special reports on topics relevant to cow farts, in order to raise awareness about the potentially catastrophic effects of industrial development, self-reliance, and capitalist prosperity on the existence of various intergovernmental panels within the framework of the United Nations.
"It takes more than a volcano to stop our opposition to the threat presented by industrial production and free markets to the ideas of global government and central planning," said Mr. Pachauri. "If we don't act soon, my children may never be able to chair an intergovernmental panel, control the economy, and distribute production quotas. The hardest hit will be Third-World dictatorships that are contributing disproportionately more money to our members and their families. So it isn't just our fight. The stand against economic development and free enterprise has become an urgent global issue - a moral issue if you will - that affects the physical survival of all endangered intergovernmental agencies."
The IPCF conference concluded its work on an optimistic note, resolving that in order to compensate for all past and future volcano eruptions, the UN must push for even stricter limits on all industries and redouble taxes on developed nations.
A separate chapter calls for a special volcano tax on the worst offenders starting with Chile - with a footnote explaining that if the Chileans hadn't disposed of the Marxist regime of Salvatore Allende in 1971, the whole issue could've been avoided because they wouldn't be anywhere near the list of developed nations today.
Human farts are major causes for divorces, broken relationships, car wrecks and in some cases explosions.
For every human fart, the offender should be made to buy one spruce tree as a carbon offset.
:)
“Human farts are major causes for divorces, broken relationships, car wrecks and in some cases explosions.”
Doesn’t make the cat happy either.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yAzGVeJc5_I
One trillion cow farts... About equal to the methane released at your local Hooters during Monday Night Football...
This is all coming back around to advancing the socialist agenda, isn’t it?
Socialist governments do not keep any oversight on industrial processes. Theefore, mankind produces more various greenhouse gas compounds, thus requiring the earth spirit Gaia to produce less to restore the balance, and reducing the need for volcanos to erupt in the first place.
Pffffft.
Screw how the cat feels. I’ve had to clean their litterpans. That can be brutal on the schnozz.
Brownhouse gases.
;^)
Chile’s Chaiten Volcano released a gigantic cloud of emissions composed of ash, steam, smoke, and various oddball gases whose estimated amount equals to one trillion cow farts, a UN-sponsored climate change study revealed....
Ah see?....the U.N. is good for something....counting cow farts!
So is there a fart ping list now? :)
I'm getting afraid....very afraid....that the government will start taking something out of my SS check to cover my emissions.
So I sneak them. They have to catch me first. Sometimes I stand by the garbage truck, sometimes a lawn mower..Should I write a book? What would be a good title?
I assume that a “Cow Fart” is now a standard unit of volume. Does anyone have conversions units from “Cow Farts” to cubic inches (feet, meters, etc.?
You nailed it exactly...as you can surmise, it's small, thankfully...
I'm old too, but when you get a "walk fart", it can be tough to hide. My sister in law calls that phenomena "free farting"...
I'm guessing it's also low volume too. :)
I love the emoticon!!! How do I get that?! Anyway, about farts, kitty cats don’t do them often but when cats float the proverbial air biscuit it’s worse than “period farts”, which I don’t need to go into, as “period farts” are more disgusting and more akin to swimming in raw sewage...Ewww! Can cabbage blush?
Feel free to right-click and save that smiley.
Many Thanks!!!
F””cking Awesome!! http://s105.photobucket.com/albums/m208/justadumbblonde_2006/smileys/?action=view¤t=fart.gif
Indeed..a keeper
It has YOU writen all over it!! Actually, with the sweet demure blushing it’s more like me...Tee Hee...Mah Lawd! Ah think I’m gittin’ da Vapors...swoon...
A couple of weeks ago, some of us FReepers were down in the Corpus Christi area for a memorial shoot and party to honor one of our dear departed.
Across from The Mom and Eaker's weekend place down there is a property that has some goats on it.
Well, we city slickers were over there messing with the goats (one of 'em was trying to make out with humblegunner), and this pretty white horse ambles up. The horse was very friendly and hung around briefly. All of a sudden, the horse ripped this HUGE fart and then galloped off.
....Maybe you had to be there.
A HUGE and very LOUD fart. That poor horse was very embarrassed.
BTW - I hate that goat!!!
But that goat reeeeally likes humblegunner...
I was there and that is what happened.
I never saw a horse blush before!
The whole “cow flatulence” thing is simply another attack on the lifestyle that we Americans enjoy, with our wealth, we can enjoy a nice steak every f’n day if we want.
The leftists hate that.
We should have to live in poverty and squalor that lesser societies live in, just to be fair.
The two of you should get together and coauthor; "Broken Hearts and Breaking Farts."
Although I doubt it would become a popular "Coffee Table" book. Most people dislike farts on their Coffee Tables.
I don’t hate goats . . . I hate “that damn goat”! He is evil and wants to hurt me.
Your babies are cute.
This is the reason I love FR... after a long day of traveling, a quick look..... and this.
I laughed so hard, cola came out of my nose!
Thanks!
I’m so glad you got a laugh ... and very sorry about the cola thing! Oops! ;-)
Well, in that case I have 3 words: July. 4th. Barbeque.
There is definitely some bad mojo between The Mom and that particular goat. The very air was crackling with the tension. LOL
Annabelle and Buster are cute. I like to bleat at goats and have them bleat back at me.
Probably gonna milk this topic for all it’s worth.
I do my part. When I pass a group of cows, I roll down the window and say “Stop farting!”
We will have to come up with a cow fart cap and trade program.
If Algore can come up with a scam, so can we.
Now, what will I wear to the Oscars?
It's ok... the bourbon that was mixed in kept it from hurting! :-)
"Although I doubt it would become a popular "Coffee Table" book. Most people dislike farts on their Coffee Tables."
LOL
This is one of the reasons I frequent this forum. The wealth of wit here is immense.
Goats named Bob B. Cue PING
We were having a crawdad boil a couple of weeks ago and somebody in the gang said that the next get-together was going to be a cabrito feast and everyone turned to me with evil grins. But, they know I'm heavily armed. ;-)
It depends....
Are we talking 'pre' or 'post' Rosie Odonnell?
There is not enough land mass on Earth to “sruce up” my personal contribution.
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