Posted on 05/20/2008 9:37:30 PM PDT by Daffynition
1. A black eye. Unless the rim hits your face mid-dunk, your peepers should remain unblemished. You're smart enough to talk your way out of any fight you're going to lose.
2. A witty e-mail signature. Quotes and song lyrics should be heard during toasts and karaoke performances, respectively. Don't let your electronic correspondence become the digital version of a motivational poster.
3. An empty refrigerator. Your larder should be amply stocked, your pantry provisioned. Always aim to be ready to create an on-the-fly, three-course dinner for her...along with breakfast in bed.
4. PlayStation thumb. When they're relaxing, grown men can behave like children. But if you devolve long enough to cause calluses or button-shaped bruises, you're assuredly missing out on life.
5. A key chain with a bottle opener. This bauble is both a gauche reminder of your college days and proof that you don't know how to apply leverage using available, impromptu bottle openers: a lighter, the back end of a fork.
6. A lucky shirt. Every shirt is lucky when worn by a man who knows that the harder he works the luckier he'll be.
7. An unstamped passport.
8. Olympic dreams. Exceptions: curling and archery.
9. Less than $20 in his wallet. Fiduciary nudity is negligence. A real man should always carry a business card and enough dough to pick up coffee, bagels, and the Sunday paper without whipping out the plastic.
10. A name for his penis. Even if it's a really clever name.
11. Any beer that costs less than $20 a case. And no exception for the grand-slam 30-pack that crosses that price threshold.
12. The need to quote The Big Lebowski/ Caddyshack/Superbad. Reciting someone else's lines reminds people that you haven't the wit to write your own.
[snip]
(Excerpt) Read more at men.msn.com ...
“8. Olympic dreams. Exceptions: curling and archery.”
What the F? How about hockey and bow hunting?
What “H” mo wrote this?
I believe you mean a murse (man-purse)
That’s quite spiffy, you should email the author of this article, he’d probably find it fabulous.
Does the Pledge of Allegiance count?
9. Less than $20 in his wallet. Fiduciary nudity is negligence. A real man should always carry a business card and enough dough to pick up coffee, bagels, and the Sunday paper without whipping out the plastic.
I almost never carry cash. Why? Because I worked as a bank teller for eleven months, and I have processed overnight cash deposits from a gentleman's club.
That said, carrying a business card might be a good idea. Buying a Sunday paper, especially if it's The New York Times or The Washington Post, is usually a bad idea.
14. Code words for ugly women. Actually, code words for anything.
Not guilty!
By the way, a grown man should never sport an Obama or Hillary bumper sticker on his car.
>>The need to quote The Big Lebowski/ Caddyshack/Superbad. Reciting someone else’s lines reminds people that you haven’t the wit to write your own.<<
Too old.
Now it’s Talladega Nights!
“Hakuna Matata, B!tches!”
That makes me hot...
I'm still gonna say, "A man's gotta know his limitations", "That's a high price to pay for being stylish", "In all this excitement, I've kinda lost track, too", "You gonna pull those pistols or whistle Dixie?", "Dyin' ain't much of a livin', son"; stuff like that.
mandels.
A grown man should avoid speaking like a 20-year-old. It doesn’t make you cool, it makes you stupid.
A grown man shouldn’t have one of those miniature Brinks trucks like the Scion or that other POS.
A woman any less than 3/4 his own age.
All guys KNOW THE GUY CODE!! It’s stamped in our DNA. There is no discussion necessary. !!!!!
These 18 no brainer’s must be the metro sexual progressive bendover version of the unstamped.
A dadgum hairpiece.
Some MSN fruit, probably.
Ding Ding Ding!
You win the thread!
8. Only applies to most men not all. There are real men who actually are olympic athletes.
It's a European carry-all!
“I disagree about item (1). When boys fight the loser ends up with a black eye. When men fight both parties get hurt. When men really fight it’s with weapons and it’s for keeps. That’s why it isn’t a good idea. Only a lazy and degenerate society needs to re-learn this lesson.”
Excellent points and so true.
How about... a girlfriend with her own brand of urinal stickers!
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