ThE oFfIcIaL fRiDaY sIlLiNeSs ThReAd

[Lucky9teen]

In Honor of Mother's Day, this weekend....

I'd like to be the ideal mother, but I'm too busy raising my kids. - Unknown

The hand that rocks the cradle usually is attached to someone who isn't getting enough sleep. - John Fiebig

The mother of three notoriously unruly youngsters was asked whether or not she'd have children if she had it to do over again. Yes, she replied. But not the same ones. - David Finkelstein

A little boy forgot his lines in a Sunday school presentation. His mother was in the front row to prompt him. She gestured and formed the words silently with her lips, but it did not help. Her son's memory was blank. Finally, she leaned forward and whispered the cue, I am the light of the world. The child beamed and with great feeling and a loud clear voice said, My mother is the light of the world. - Bits and Pieces, 1989

A teacher gave her class of second graders a lesson on the magnet and what it does. The next day in a written test, she included this question: My full name has six letters. The first one is M. I pick up things. What am I? When the test papers were turned in, the teacher was astonished to find that almost 50 percent of the students answered the question with the word Mother- Unknown

Mothers of teenagers know why animals eat their young. ~ Author Unknown

Mothers are all slightly insane. ~ J.D. Salinger

I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them. ~ Phyllis Diller

There is only one pretty child in the world, and every mother has it. ~ Chinese Proverb

It takes a woman twenty years to make a man of her son, and another woman twenty minutes to make a fool of him. ~ Helen Rowland

The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found. ~ Calvin Trillin

A suburban mother's role is to deliver children obstetrically once, and by car for ever after. ~ Peter De Vries

It would seem that something which means poverty, disorder and violence every single day should be avoided entirely, but the desire to beget children is a natural urge. ~ Phyllis Diller

    
All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does. That's his. ~ Oscar Wilde

 A mother is a person who seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people, promptly announces she never did care for pie. ~ Tenneva Jordan

Working mothers are guinea pigs in a scientific experiment to show that sleep is not necessary to human life. ~ Author Unknown

Mothers are fonder than fathers of their children because they are more certain they are their own. ~ Aristotle

God could not be everywhere and therefore he made mothers. ~ Jewish Proverb

Any mother could perform the jobs of several air-traffic controllers with ease. ~ LisaAlther

My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it. ~ Mark Twain

You don't really understand human nature unless you know why a child on a merry-go-round will wave at his parents every time around - and why his parents will always wave back. ~ William D. Tammeus.
 
My mother's menu consisted of two choices: Take it or leave it. ~ Buddy Hackett




Best Mother's Day Card - EVER!

[Lucky9teen]

You Are Totally Like Your Mom

You and your mom are practically clones.
You think alike, and you even seem to read each other's minds.
And while you get along well now, you probably fought when you were a teenager.
You're definitely you're mother's child... and that's just fine with you.

Are You Like Your Mom?

[Lucky9teen]

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SILLINESS

CLICK HERE TO BE ADDED OR TAKEN OFF THE LIST

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Happy Mothers Day to All
And to all moms, for everything you do....

[Pan_Yan]

InBeforeThePing?

[Pan_Yan]

Drat!

[IbJensen]

Good piece. I think I know what happened to the headline. Whenever you see little boxes in what you’re attempting to paste, remove them and the headline will read the way it was intended.

[Liberty Valance]

Happy Mother's Day!

[Izzy Dunne]

Let’s hear it for #9829!!!

[F15Eagle]

I love #9829!!
;)

[alarm rider]

In!

[holly go-rightly]

Yay, Friday! Thanks, Lucky9teen—great job!

[JRios1968]

You Are Somewhat Like Your Mom

Believe it or not, you and your mom are pretty darn similar.
It may not seem like it at times, but you and your mom have a lot of common ground.
You and your mom do understand each other well. You may just need to work on communication.
Over time, you'll probably get closer ... especially if you emphasize the things you like about each other.

Are You Like Your Mom?

[Lucky9teen]

Hey, at least it got you attention. ;)

It was supposed to be a heart...

[Izzy Dunne]

Like♥this?

[Lucky9teen]

Yes...how’d you do that?

[Lucky9teen]

[arbooz]

[CholeraJoe]

[Daffynition]

[CholeraJoe]

[marvlus]

btt

[Liberty Valance]

Thanks Mom. You can wear the watch this Sunday after dinner.

[Izzy Dunne]

Insert the code "& # 9 8 2 9 ;" (without the spaces or quotes) in your reply. ♥

It doesn't work in article titles on this forum - the forum software doesn't allow it.

[Izzy Dunne]

• 9828: ♤
• 9829: ♥
• 9830: ♦
• 9831: ♧
• 9832: ♨
• 9833: ♩

[Christian4Bush]

bump!

[madameguinot]

That one just got my day off to a VERY good start!!

[BibChr]

bkmk

[philly-d-kidder]

awesome

[Dead Corpse]

Three Californian surgeons were playing golf together and discussing surgeries they had performed.

One of them said, “I’m the best surgeon in California. In my favorite
case, a concert pianist lost seven fingers in an accident, I reattached
them, and 8 months later he performed a private concert for the Queen of England.”

The second surgeon said, “That’s nothing. A young man lost an arm and
both legs in an accident, I reattached them and two years later he won
a gold medal in track and field events at the Olympics.”

The third surgeon said, “You guys are amateurs. Several years ago a
woman was high on cocaine and marijuana and she rode a horse head-on into a train traveling 80 miles an hour. All I had left to work with was
the woman’s hair and the horse’s ass. I was able to put them together
and now she’s Speaker of the House.”

[TornadoAlley3]

*

[Girlene]

Just one of the many things Mothers have to put up with!

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!!

[synbad600]

me2

[grellis]

I child-proofed the house, but still they find a way in!

Happy Mother's Day to all my fellow moms out there.

[ShadowAce]

Yea!!!

[Girlene]

[sunny48]

Happy Mothers Day to all.
And that was the funniest Mothers Day card ever, I had tears in my eyes from laughing.

[Disambiguator]

Here are two photos that were probably taken by moms:

[Darksheare]

“Just wait till your father gets home!”

Why, will I be any more dead then?
*chuckle*

[BenLurkin]

[OB1kNOb]

Test on personal values:

This test only has one question, but it’s a very important one. By giving an honest answer, you will discover where you stand morally.
The test features an unlikely, completely fictional situation in which you will have to make a decision. Remember that your answer needs to be honest, yet spontaneous.

Please scroll down slowly and give due consideration to each issue.

THE SITUATION:

You are in Florida. Miami to be specific. There is chaos all around you caused by a hurricane with severe flooding. This is a flood of biblical
proportions. You are photojournalist working for a major newspaper, and you’re caught in the middle of this epic disaster. The situation is nearly hopeless.

You’re trying to shoot career-making photos. There are houses and people swirling around you, some disappearing under the water. Nature is
unleashing all of its destructive fury.

---

THE TEST:

Suddenly you see a man and a woman in the water. They are fighting for their lives, trying not to be taken down with the debris. You move
closer. Somehow they look familiar. You suddenly realize who they are. It’s Barack Obama and Nancy Pelosi!! At the same time you notice that
the raging waters are about to take them under forever.

You have two options: You can save their lives or you can shoot a dramatic Pulitzer Prize winning photo, documenting the deaths of two of the world’s most powerful people.

---

THE QUESTION:

Here’s the question, and please give an honest answer......

Would you choose to shoot the photos using the latest new digital camera or a conventional 35mm film camera?

[HuntsvilleTxVeteran]

Delusions are often functional.
A mother’s opinions about her children’s beauty,
intelligence, goodness. et cetera, ad nauseum,
keep her from drowning them at birth.

[Pharmboy]

Nice job! Thanks for the quotes and ‘toons!

[BenLurkin]

World's Greatest Mom

[Bean Counter]

[fredhead]

MOTHER’S DAY!!!!! OH, HELL!!!!!

Gotta go shopping tonight!!!!!

[erkyl]

[a fool in paradise]

(repost of the week)

Joe Biden: "No, no, no Barack, that's not a teleprompter, it's just the menu. Stop reading it out loud."

[ErnBatavia]

Sigh....it’ll be a little different this year. We lost Mom about two months ago.

[lilylangtree]

GUYS, DON’T TRY THIS AT HOME BECAUSE IT’S MOTHER’S DAY WEEKEND!

Guts or Balls.

There is a medical distinction. We’ve all heard about people having guts or balls, but do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definitions are listed below:

GUTS - Is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: “Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?”

BALLS - Is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the butt and having the balls to say: “You’re next, Chubby.”

I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions. Medically speaking there is no difference in the outcome. Both result in death.

[BibChr]

Those milestones are rough. Sorry.

[Mind Freed]

You don’t ever have to stop celebrating your Mother’s life. You can remember the time God gave you all together and always be thankful for having a Mother.