What do these things have in common?
Posted on 10/09/2009 5:51:00 AM PDT by Lucky9teen
Yea!! I missed the IBTP, though.
Woo Hoo, top ten silliness!
Happy Friday Lucky !
Did I make it?
Top ten...??
LOL ...that’s a KEEPER! ...IGnobley speaking. ;-P
The first one reminds me of my old job.
What a complete nincompoop he is.
That ain’t helping.
A blonde city girl named Amy marries a Colorado
rancher. One morning, on his way out to check on the
cows, the rancher says to Amy, “The insemination man is
coming over to impregnate one of our cows today, so I drove
a nail into the 2 by 4 just above where the cow’s stall
is in the barn. Please show him where the cow is when he
gets here, OK?”
The rancher leaves for the fields. After a while, the
artificial insemination man arrives and knocks on the front
door.
Amy takes him down to the barn. They walk
along the row of cows and when Amy sees the nail, she tells
him, “This is the one right here.”
The man, assuming he is dealing with an air head blonde,
asks, “Tell me lady, ‘cause I’m dying to know;
how would YOU know that this is the right cow to be
bred?”
“That’s simple,” she said. “By the nail that’s over its stall,” she
explains very confidently.
Laughing rudely at her, the man says, “And what, pray tell, is the nail for?”
The blonde turns to walk away and says sweetly over her shoulder, “I guess it’s to hang your pants on.”
I’ve learned....
That life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.
I’ve learned....
That we should be glad God doesn’t give us everything we ask for.
I’ve learned....
That money doesn’t buy class..
I’ve learned....
That it’s those small daily happenings that make life so spectacular.
I’ve learned...
That under everyone’s hard shell is someone who wants to be appreciated and loved.
I’ve learned....
That the Lord didn’t do it all in one day. What makes me think I can?
I’ve learned....
That to ignore the facts does not change the facts.
I’ve learned....
That when you plan to get even with someone, you are only letting that person continue to hurt you.
I’ve learned.....
That love, not time, heals all wounds.
I’ve learned....
That everyone you meet deserves to be greeted with a smile.
I’ve learned....
That there’s nothing sweeter than sleeping with your babies and feeling their breath on your cheeks.
I’ve learned....
That no one is perfect until you fall in love with them.
I’ve learned...
That life is tough, but I’m tougher.
I’ve learned...
That opportunities are never lost; someone will take the ones you miss.
I’ve learned.....
That when you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere.
I’ve learned...
That I wish I could have told those I cared about that I love them one more time before they passed away.
I’ve learned.....!
That one should keep his words both soft and tender, because tomorrow he may have to eat them.
I’ve learned....
That a smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks.
I’ve learned....
That I can’t choose how I feel, but I can choose what I do about it.
I’ve learned....
That when your newly born child holds your little finger in his little fist, that you’re hooked for life.
I’ve learned....
That everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness and growth occurs while you’re climbing it.
I’ve learned .
That it is best to give advice in only two circumstances; when it is requested and when it is a life threatening situation.
I’ve learned....
That the less time I have to work with, the more things I get done.
Noted progressives, all.
Q: What is the shortest chapter in the Bible?
A: Psalms 117
Q: What is the longest chapter in the Bible?
A: Psalms 119
Q: Which chapter is in the center of the Bible?
A: Psalms 118
Fact: There are 594 chapters before Psalms 118
Fact: There are 594 chapters after Psalms 118
Add these numbers up and you get 1188
Q: What is the center verse in the Bible?
A: Psalms 118:8
Q: Does this verse say something significant about God’s perfect will for our lives?
The next time someone says they would like to find God’s perfect will for their lives and that they want to be in the center of His will, just send them to the center of His Word!
Psalms 118:8
“It is better to trust in the LORD than to put confidence in man.”
Now isn’t that odd how this worked out (or was God in the center of it)?
What was the Nobel committee thinking? The deadline for the nominations was Feb. 1, so Barry was in office for what, 10 days give or take. What did they think he had done or promise to do? He spent 147 days in the Senate and voted “present” about a dozen times (many more as an IL State Senator), he spent most of 2007 and all of 2008 until election day campaigning.
Oh wait, the prize must be for work that he did in the summer... the beer summit at the White House where he accused a white police officer of racism because he arrested a beligerent black man who was acting suspicious, who also happened to be a FOB (friend of Barry). Then he had to invite both of them to the WH because he was wrong for the accusation and it seemed like the thing to do. And, he made Europe less safe by taking down the missile defense shield in Poland. Yeah, that is it.
< grin >
NO, you can’t be depressed at the Nobel Prize news. It’s so totally absurd, it is simply funny. It had me laughing uncontrollably here at work — more so than any thing I’ve ever seen on the silliness thread.
Obama winning the Nobel Peace Prize is, in fact, the most silly thing that I have EVER seen on a Friday.
It’s not like Arafat, which WAS depressing, because it’s not that Obama did things that in fact were evil but are counted for good. It’s that Obama has done NOTHING for peace in his entire public life.
And their main reason for giving him the prize is that he said he wanted a world without nuclear weapons.
Well, I said that too — can I have a prize? My kids said that when they were in grade school. Doesn’t everybody except tyrannical madmen WISH that we didn’t have nuclear weapons threatening us?
It’s just that most adults actually know you can’t really make the world safer, or peaceful, by removing nuclear weapons, because you can’t get rid of them all. It’s impossible.
Except Obama doesn’t understand this, because he’s an idiot. And the Nobel people just gave out a peace prize to the guy that is too stupid to know that you can’t get rid of nuclear weapons and still have peace.
And that, my friends, is silly.
A "Rock Hudson" - a putt that looked straight but wasn't > >
A "Saddam Hussein" - from one bunker into another > >
A "John Kennedy Junior" - didn't quite make it over the water > >
A "Rodney King" - over-clubbed > >
An "O.J." - got away with one > >
A "Princess Di" - shouldn't have used the driver > >
A "Condom" - safe but didn't feel good > >
A "Rush Limbaugh" - way to the right > >
A "Nancy Pelosi" - way to the left and out of bounds > >
A "Ted Kennedy" - goes in the water and jumps out > >
A "Pee Wee Herman" - too much wrist > >
A "Sonny Bono" - straight into the trees > >
A "Paris Hilton" - a very expensive hole
*LOL*
Obama should have been awarded the IgNoble prize in ECONOMICS.
Cheers!
Well, I said that too — can I have a prize? My kids said that when they were in grade school. Doesn’t everybody except tyrannical madmen WISH that we didn’t have nuclear weapons threatening us?
And the runners up are...every beauty contest participant for the past 50 years.
Obama wins prize moments before we bombed the moon. There is something amusing and ironic in that.
I sent email to factcheck@cnn.com about your image. I can’t wait until they reply so I know whether or not I can laugh.
NIBTP!
(never in before the ping)
LOL! Love it! The silliness writes itself this week!
Oh, lol, I hadn’t seen that one!
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