Skip to comments.Need to blow off steam. I feel like my life is utterly pointless.
Posted on 02/16/2011 9:31:50 AM PST by JamesP81
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You are correct.
My dogs do know how whacky I am, and yet the love me unconditionally (well, as long as I feed them).
There is an old hymnal that goes, "Count your blessings, name them one by one. Count your blessings, see what God has done....". Try to take a minute and just do that and contemplate how he has blessed you. I can see that one thing he has blessed you with is a lot of FReeper friends that care about you, of which I am one. - OB1
Very well said, mancini.
In my experience, God has denied me those things that I put before Him and refused to let go of.
Once I let go, He ALWAYS had something better in store.
This is just how FReepers are. They are just about the kindest, most caring group of people around. The media and the left (OK... I know... That was redundant) describe us as ogres who eat small children, but I've never seen a thread like this fail to get dozens if not hundreds of compassionate responses.
Welcome to life.
If you feel this way as a Christian, then I don’t think there’s anything anyone could do or say to make you feel any different.
You’re very young. The times ahead are certain to be a challenge, and preserving freedom will require everyone to play a part. You may very well be called upon to leave a legacy.
But you have to take care of yourself first. If that means seeking help, by all means do so.
Get a hobby, sign up for match.com, take some St. Johns Wart, plan a vegetable garden for the Spring, start shooting regularly. Just a few ideas.
A couple of suggestions: when I'm feeling *down* one of the best/quickest fixes I can get is to go to the range and shoot a bunch of targets. I always come out feeling better.
Got a pet? Can you have one where you live? Perhaps an adoption is a possibility. Even a couple of goldfish aren't a big bother.
Good luck to you!
What you are feeling is what most of us all feel from time to time. It is a perspective, a point of view that we fall into once in a while. And while it’s largely true that we as individuals are unlikely to effect any earth-shaking profound changes, as human beings it is our lot to first change ourselves; transform ourselves into the splendid person we desire to be. Then it is through touching the lives of others where we make our mark in the world. We plant seeds in all others we encounter. And when those seeds emerge strong and come into flower, then it’s through the cumulative efforts of the millions in the network we belong to that effect the real and profound change.
Take heart James, and know what your purpose here is, then don’t walk, run toward achieving it with everyone you see. When you can KNOW YOURSELF, that is the beginning of wisdom.
A couple of things got me out of my most recent "down" episode... One was the fact that I (through three attempts) forced myself to watch the movie "The Road" - it is depressing as heck so, yes, it took me three tries. But then at the end, as the credits roll, the director placed an audio track that made me realize just how blessed I truly am (and we all truly are). I won't go into it here... I won't spoil it for others. But it truly made me look at things differently.
The second thing is the realization that I don't have to have my name connected to something big that changes the world. I can make a difference one person at a time. I've done it... I've extended a kind word and reassurance to someone, and had them come back to me a month later to tell me that I prevented their suicide by what I told them. I've verbally stumbled over an awkward situation when a child told me (while in front of her mother) that her "mommy and daddy don't live together anymore". I provided the child with the only words I knew to tell her (and I believe God put them in my head right then and there): "Sometimes people lose sight of what it was that caused them to fall in love and they need to go back and see if things really changed or if they just got bored, because true love survives boredom." Three weeks later, the mommy, daughter, and the daddy were in my office, and I had quite frankly forgotten the earlier exchange. I started seeing them in my business about every couple of weeks or so. About six months later, they came in with a gift for me, and I was dumbstruck - for I had no reason to expect anything from them. They looked at me, gave me a hug, and told me that what I had said to their daughter had saved their marriage... There is a sign at the nurses' station where my mother is undergoing cancer treatment. It says: To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world. You stated that you used to go to nursing homes but that it no longer seems to be fulfilling... I think I know how you feel, because as I have gotten older nursing homes seem to be more depressing to me - perhaps because the residents aren't as far away from me age-wise as they used to be. BUT... we have to ask ourselves "Is this about me?" You know in your heart it is not... Go provide some comfort to those in need, and you will reap your reward over time...
You have identified yourself as a Christian, so I ask you: are you working to store up treasures here on earth, or are you working to store up your treasures in heaven? Why does it matter if you get recognition for what you see as "important" contributions to the world? That is the proverbial "15 minutes of fame." What do you consider to be "important" contributions? Sometimes we are looking to get our "name in lights" when the actual important work is not even something for which recognition is given - at least here on earth.
Forgive me if any of this comes across as being harsh, for that is not my intention... But I do believe it to be the truth.
I know exactly how you feel.
Good luck man.
James, you are just an ordinary guy. It’s ok (in fact, it’s very liberating).
I became truly happy when I accepted my averageness and got busy living. It’s ok to not be the best, smartest, handsomest, coolest, etc. Just be.
Besides, all of your heroes were probably also just “ordinary guys”. They peed and pooped and ate and slept and laughed and cried and all had fears.
The desire to special and unique (not ordinary) is just your ego.
“I have never wanted to be normal or ordinary. . . . I am running out of time to avoid being just another guy.”
Firstly, don’t take what I am going to say as a slam. I am 52 and want to be helpful. What I quoted above from you suggests a narcissistic tendency in your outlook. (That’s not just you - it’s pandemic these days!) Your primary focus in life seems to be on comparing yourself to everyone else, with an anxious need to be regarded as extra-extraordinary in your uniqueness.
Each of us is unique, but what really counts is that you DO work every day to support yourself and avoid being dependent on others - that alone is a worthwhile achievement. When you choose a spouse (wisely!) and begin to support children, your sense of purpose and worth will increase manifold. You can trust in that.
Hang in there, look forward and outward, and give yourself a break. 29 years is still youth in today’s world. You’re just about to come into your own as an adult.
Do not focus on being “great”, focus on being good. I don’t mean good in a perfectionistic sense and neither in a slacker “just good enough” sense. But if you have some unrealistic ideal of greatness, you will miss greatness and goodness as well.
And modern Christianity focuses too much on our inner state and how “spiritual” we are supposed to feel. Think more about how faithful Christ is and what He has done for you. If you focus on yourself and the faith you feel, if you are honest you will be discouraged. It is good you despair in yourself. Even our best greatness is empty. You can use your despair to focus on Christ. Don’t let your Godly despair turn into a godless despair. I was in your situation for many years and still often struggle.
I got the same about a week ago.
A kind friend said the same to me. I’m not even sure I remember what I said to her.
Her husband was cheating on her and she had two little kids to raise. She said that because of what I told her she felt that she had the strength to carry on in her life. Months after the fact.
So yeah, ONE WORD at the right time can make all the difference in the world in somebody’s life!
“My lack of faith dooms me to hell. By the time I find out that there is any hope...there wont be any.”
Ya might want to err on the safe side.
I will say a prayer for you as well. There is good in living and I pray that you find it and that you find the Lord.
I don't say this to aggravate; I say it because I care.
Watch “It’s a wonderful life”.
My cat and dog hate it too! And they’re rescue pets too! Good for you. God will reward I’m sure.
I just didn’t understand it. I hadn’t addressed you and so I was confused. I take it from later posts you’re not too sympathetic to the young man.
Here is the Marine Prayer:
Almighty Father, whose command is over all and whose love never fails, make me aware of Thy presence and obedient to Thy will. Keep me true to my best self, guarding me against dishonesty in purpose and deed and helping me to live so that I can face my fellow Marines, my loved ones, and Thee without shame or fear. Protect my family.
Give me the will to do the work of a Marine and to accept my share of responsibilities with vigor and enthusiasm. Grant me the courage to be proficient in my daily performance. Keep me loyal and faithful to my superiors and to the duties my Country and the Marine Corps have entrusted to me. Help me to wear my uniform with dignity, and let it remind me daily of the traditions which I must uphold.
If I am inclined to doubt, steady my faith; if I am tempted, make me strong to resist; if I should miss the mark, give me courage to try again.
Guide me with the light of truth and grant me wisdom by which I may understand the answer to my prayer.
Even if you aren’t a Marine, the prayer can be said to cover your situation. (My son is a Marine and I said the prayer every day that he was gone.) The last line, “Guide me with the light of truth and grant me wisdom by which I may understand the answer to my prayer,” allows me to see that the answer to my prayer is either “here” or on the way and that I need to “wait upon the Lord” until I can see it. God is always available to us when we look to Him.
God bless you!
Ping for later response. Hang in there James.
Your post made me LOL :o)
Ping for later reading.
I agree with everyone who thinks you might be unknowingly experiencing depression. It’s like going around with an infected tooth; you had no idea such a thing could make you so sick. But there’s help for both, amazing help, and you can get it today.
It also sounds like you’re indifferent to your job. So figure out what you want to do. Take a support job or intern for a few months at an architect’s office, for example, if you have even the slightest inclination in that direction. If it’s not for you, try something else.
People say “you are not your job,” but it’s a huge blessing in this life to love what you do for a living. You spend most of your waking hours at it, after all. “Whatever you put your hand to do, do it with all your might,” as the prophet said in Ecclesiastes.
I hope for good things and the peace that passes understanding for you, very soon!
I fight those sentiments myself sometimes. I choose to pick 3 things every day, that I’m thankful/grateful for. Some days more than 3.
Simple things sometimes, like
having clean water to drink and shower with.
A bed to rest and sleep in.
Food in my stomach when I’m hungry.
And I thank God.
Yes! I recommend Barlean’s Omega Oils. Very helpful for recurring depression. Fresh spinach seems to help, too, when I feel gloomy.
The more I hear about Charlie Sheen, the more thankful I am that I too am an ordinary, average, middle aged guy.
Hang in there James, lots of us have been where you are.
James, I don’t know if it helps to consider how someone else has it worse than you do.
But if so... then read post 44 and count your blessing that at least you’re not Soothesayer.
And Soothesayer... you can count yourself lucky to be in America. I’m almost inclined to chew you out for taking such an attitude - living as you do in the most prosperous nation ever in the history of mankind. I suggest you go google the stats on how Americans live as opposed to the rest of the world.
An exceptional response.
Always remember that you are unique, but you are not special. You are entitled to nothing. Earn your living every day, no matter what it is you are doing.
The meaning of life is to live it. Its no more difficult than that.
Read the Bible. Read A Purpose Driven Life. If they don't do it for you (they didn't for me-I just kept feeling like a failure because the epiphany never came), read Atlas Shrugged. The whole world opened up for me after that.
“Ok promise us you wont do something silly.”
No, nothing silly.
IMHO here is a big part of the problem.
The question/theory about depression as a mental state can make you look at it seriously.
I face it daily having lost my wife and being childless (not that that should make a difference), also my mother, my best friend, my dog... I could go on.
Especially the fact that I am a computer consultant who works from home, often at night or very odd hours, and have nothing at all that might resemble a “normal life”.
Now in college many years ago, I did in fact do some “testing” of various “chemicals”.
And while there is some temporary boost out of it, it’s pretty much a dead end road and it’s been years since I tried anything mind altering, other than a good bottle of 18 yr old Scotch.
I have always felt that if a person is good, he has a chance to be happy. A person who HONESTLY has questions about the universe and faith and karma and morals would get answers.
But this is simply not true.
And to compound the issue, a few years back there was an item on the nightly news.
It seems there was a woman who had suffered severe, life threatening depression for years. No drugs would work, she had basically become immune to any of the ones that had helped in the past.
Based on various results scientists had seen in lab testing with animals, they decided to send a probe into her brain - a very specific region, that literally consisted of a few hundred or a thousand neurons.
Then they sent in a tiny voltage.
She got more animated.
They pushed up the voltage.
She started to speak more.
You get the picture. In a few minutes, she was smiling and telling jokes.
Now she is permanently fitted with a stimulator like a pacemaker I guess.
For a guy like me who tries to make more cosmic interpretations of things, and find the all important REASON that everyone says god has, I was floored by it.
First, is that all “happiness” is? A couple special neurons in the brain partying down?
Second, for all those people who said “Drugs don’t make you happy. It’s a false happiness” one has legitimately have to say well then what the H is so honest about hooking up a car battery to your skull and thinking that is “real” happiness?
It just keeps going back to the mechanical nature of man, and no matter what we try, in the end we will remain MOSTLY unfullfilled, and our questions unanswered.
Au contraire, to use the esperando — I am the most sympathetic poster to him. Most others, it seems to me, don’t care about HIM they only care about themselves.
Prayers in this state won’t help him. Good deeds, as he knows them, won’t help him.
That’s why trouble and/or a woman are needed.
The unlimited death and misery in the world should not make you happy to be relatively better off. It should make you angry that others are experiencing it. The “glass half full” view is definitely a more pleasant way to live but there seems to be something very wrong about it.
Maybe this is what sanity looks like but it seems insane to me. Sorry but that’s what it looks like.
Find something healthy that makes you laugh. Listen to upbeat music even if you don’t feel like it. You sound like you are fit - exercise and get those endorphins poppin’. Get a pet - a dog or cat. You’ll never regret it.
And, seek professional care if you need it. Please. It is amazing how very modest meds can help.
James, I will keep you in my prayers. Sincerely, I will.
BINGO!! And if you know how the ego works, you can change the world.
James, it’s fine that you told us you’re feeling a bit of dysthymia (unable to find joy in your life). Since you already are bracing for any rudish comments, you will risk those to get some real help from your FRiends here - surely someone will say something to help.
My first thing is to start with your nutrition. Lacking something important can really do a number on you. I know someone else who suffers from low grade depression and when he supplements with and eats enough Omega 3 fats, he feels SO much better. So my first prescription for you is to go and buy some WILD pacific salmon and have it for dinner tonight. Buy frozen, or fresh if you can afford it. Also, soonest, go to a GOOD health food store and buy a QUALITY BRAND (not a cheapo drugstore Made-in-China brand) of Omega 3 fish oil capsules. I know for a fact that Nordic Naturals is a very good brand, but I am sure there are others. Whole Foods carries it. Or buy your fish oil online at a decent place like www.iherb.com if you don’t have a good local source.
Sometimes the same life can look so much better when nutritional adjustments are made. With NO BAD SIDE EFFECTS like the horrible serotonin uptake drugs.
Next, are you thinking at all about dating, marriage, children? I have a lot of female friends, and most of them have paired up and had kids, and while they have a lot to complain about, they do feel fulfilled, especially by their having had kids. The one friend I know of who feels terribly unfulfilled is a successful writer who has been published and everything, but no kids, just a live in boyfriend. SHE of all people, she who has MADE a mark in literature on the world, feels unfulfilled often, like her life has no meaning. So maybe there is something to this reproducing thing! :) (But I know having kids is not for everyone...)
Another way to make your life meaningful to others is to be out there HELPING. Maybe give lessons or assist others in teaching kids or newbies in your hobbies or sports.
It is NORMAL to feel like you do SOME of the time, We just don’t want you ALWAYS feeling like this. Start with upping your nutrition. Go for the Omega 3s - you are probably depleted. Add vitamin D and C to your life. Drop as much sugar and alcohol as you can from your life — both are depressants. Eat hearty on meat and protein, and good fats like butter, coconut oil, and uncooked olive oil (only good for cold foods like salad).
I wish you the best. A smile SOON. Sending you prayers and love from a stranger — prayers and love from strangers can give you a smile. :)
This will only distract him from his pain, which may be better than nothing, but it will not get rid of his pain so he can find inner peace. As soon as the distraction's effect has worn off, it is likely he will be worse off.
The purpose of life is NOT “inner peace”.
Horrible advice. Those drugs are very bad. I would only even consider them for the very suicidal. It's not the healthy way to adjust your serotonin. The side effects are worse than the good effects. First use nutrition. The results are FASTER too.
You are more than welcome to believe that which you do not possess. If you did possess it, you would not have made such a comment.
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