Skip to comments.The Unofficial 99% Parody Thread [post your parody 99% testimonials - vanity]
Posted on 10/08/2011 11:57:36 AM PDT by matt1234
By now, most of you have seen the pathetic testimonials of self-described 99%ers at sites such as wearethe99percent.tumblr.com. Let's have some fun by writing parodies and posting them in this thread. I'll start in reply #1. (Pictures optional.)
I am a 29 year-old unemployed single mom with 3 skool age children. I am stuck in government housing and living on welfare. I have not worked since 2008.
I have Masters degree in Womens Studies from a prestigious university but cant find work in my field. I have applied for numerous jobs since 2008 but have been unable to find one. I find it reprehensible that so many employers wont give me a second look because I have a nose ring and blue hair. Thats discrimination, pure and simple.
I have $99,000 in student loans which I will probably never be able to pay back. I am now disgusted with Obama even though I supported him enthusiastically in 2008. However, if Obama were to cancel all student loans, I would probably vote for him again. Presently, I prefer Dennis Kucinnich. (He is sooooo sexy.)
Speaking of men, none of my childrens fathers will pay child support. I am so disgusted with them. The ChairWomyn of my Womens Studies Department said that men secretly love assertive, feminist women. If thats true, why cant I find a man that will stick around after the sex is over?
Me and my children have sacrificed so much in the past 3 years. I cannot afford the copay for my medical marijuana to treat my fidgety leg syndrome. My parents bought me a Prius for the birthday, but I cant afford to buy gas for it. My children have gone from drinking Sunny Delight to imitation fruit juice. Where will it all end?
I think corporations are the root of all of societys evils. They take so much and give so little in return.
Id like to right more, but I have to get to Walmart before it closes.
I am the 99%.
My name is Henrietta Hughes I have been homeless and living in a Car....I asked Obama to help me with a Car/ Kitchen and a Bathroom after the Motgage Crisis when he was passing the Stimulus Bill. We need to pass Obama’s jobs bill..... I am one of the 99%......(How was that? LOL)
I’M THE .0099% AND I WANT A PONY DAMMIT!!!!
some inspiration from a similar thread at ar-15.com forum:
I'm goin' home.
Yeah my name is Ernie. I’m twenty something and was having a hard time finding a good party till this crowd came along. I gotta tell you they have the good **** too!
Anyway I think they’re protesting something. Feels good making a difference and being a part of change. Stinking evil banks and their war! We’re going to beat the crap out of one of these Eikman’s tonight after he comes out. That’ll show him the power of the peace movement.
My name is Herbet and I am 56. I have worked all my life but I am concerned that what I have scrimped and saved for over the decades is about to go back to the creditors.
I can no longer fill the tank on my 115 foot yacht for a simple day of sailing and I have had to lay off 3 of my Swedish Blonde “We Sail Nekkid Crew”. I can no longer eat the simple things in life, such as artichoke hearts marinated in ‘28 Lafitte Rothschild.
I may no longer be able to buy my children’s way into fine Universities and my 28 year old blonde wife wants a new diamond necklace.
I am the 99%!
Forgot to mention the funnier part, the ar-15.com forum member who made the parody troll on the tumblr website was picked up by some other dude mad at the OWS people, and he went on a “when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor” rant against the guy...
No one knows you’re a dog on the internet.
My name is Princess and I’m getting tired of some guy named Matt1234 using my name for an alias.
I’m gonna’ go and protest.
I am the 99% and I went to college but now they want me to pay for my schooling.
I’m college degree in minority and homosexual studies and now companies won’t give me job cos I have not the right degree.
My mother is single and won’t pay for my living and had to rack up 50 grand in credit card debt.
I am the 99%.
"I heard this woman who supported Barack Obama say she wasn't going to have to pay for her mortgage or gas if he was elected."
She's a 99%er, why not me?
made me laugh
I have evolved beyond having an age, although I was born in 27 years ago.
I have $165,949.95 in student loans to get my Doctorate in Extra-terrestrial communications. But with the budget cuts for NASA they aren’t hiring.
My medical insurance won’t cover the illnesses I contracted when I was abducted by aliens from the planet Stonepout. They are the fourth planet of the 6th star of the Pleiades group.
We need to provide amnesty to them so they can land an teach how life evolved without violence on their planet.
In wise preparation for their public landings I am making myself look like them. I have tattooed a third eye on my nose, split my tongue down the center, shaved my head, and implanted antennae on my scalp.
I have discovered that LSD helps me to tune in to their wave-length and understand the messages they beam to me.
It is a shame that someone with my qualifications continues to be rejected for any kind of employment. I live in a cardboard box under a bridge, waiting for them to arrive.
I am the 99%.
Peacy and Love and Tranquility and Good Vibes to all.
P.S. I just got a call from the 60s. They want me to send back my tie-dyed rainbow T-shirt, but I have to wash it first.
| My name is Matt Foley and I am a motivational speaker. Now let me give you a little scenerio of what my life is all about. First off I am 35 years old, I am divorced, and I live in a
VAN DOWN BY THE RIVER!
Now you Wall Street occupiers think you're gonna get the world by the tail and wrap it around and pull it down and put it in your pocket. Well I'm here to tell you that you're probably gonna find that as you go out there that you're not going to amount to
You're gonna end up eating a steady diet of government cheese and livin' in a
VAN DOWN BY THE RIVER!
If you want off my ping list get over it!
You know, CC, One day you're going to have to let the pony thing go.
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