The Unofficial 99% Parody Thread [post your parody 99% testimonials - vanity]

me ^ | Oct. 8 , 2011 | me

[matt1234]

By now, most of you have seen the pathetic testimonials of self-described 99%ers at sites such as wearethe99percent.tumblr.com. Let's have some fun by writing parodies and posting them in this thread. I'll start in reply #1. (Pictures optional.)

[Slings and Arrows]

I am the eggman. (Woo!)

They are the eggmen. (Woo!)

I am the 99%.

Goo goo gah joob.

[Kickass Conservative]

Caption under the picture of the guy defecating on the NYPD Cruiser.

“Does this Cop Car make my ass look big?”

[Liberty Valance]

99% Walrus - + coo-coo-ca-choo +

[Kickass Conservative]

I used to be a 98%er, but I was the only one.

Since I like hanging around smelly hippies who use the money they save on soap to buy an iPhone, (with unlimited talk / text / web), I graduated to a 99%er.

I went to Starbucks to use the bathroom, but the Toilet was all plugged up. I snuck into Walgreens and stole a box of Depends to share with my new friends. I am a giver.

BTW - I tried to give that guy who defecated on the NYPD Cruiser a Depends, but his Butt was too big to fit into them. Next time I'll be sure to steal XXL Depends. I am a giver.

[Slings and Arrows]

I am the LOLrus. Where's mah bucket?

[Jimmy Valentine's brother]

Good one!

[Mr. Silverback]

I find it reprehensible that so many employers won’t give me a second look because I have a nose ring and blue hair. That’s discrimination, pure and simple.

No kidding! When I looked at the 99% site, one of the first ones I saw was a woman with an MFA, a colored streak in her hair and a prominent nose ring. She's whining because she can't find a teaching job. My first thought was, "How is it the fault of billionaires that academia won't hire you?" My second thought was "How do you expect to get a professorship when you look like a minimum wage barista?"

[no-to-illegals]

Thanks for LOLs everyone. With all the talent on this thread cannot compete.

A real 99%er.