Posted on 12/16/2011 4:39:41 AM PST by Lucky9teen
1) This is a true story about John Porter, from New York State, USA, whose pipes in his home froze one winter. Anxious to unfreeze them, Mr Porter backed his car up to an open window so that the exhaust would warm up the house.
A little while later and Porter, his wife and their three children had to be rushed to hospital suffering from carbon monoxide poisoning.
2) George Gibbs, from Columbus, Ohio, suffered second-degree burns on his head. This is what happened one freezing cold winter morning. Unable to start his car, George diagnosed the problem as a frozen fuel line which he thought he could correct by running warm petrol through it. He then tried to heat a two-gallon can of petrol on his gas stove in the kitchen. Ah.....
Just before Xmas, an honest politician, a generous lawyer and Santa Claus all got into the lift (elevator) at the Ritz Hotel in London. As the lift travelled from the 5th floor down to the ground level, one-by-one they noticed a £50 note lying on the lift's floor.
Which one picked up the £50 note, and handed it in at reception?
Santa of course, the other two don't actually exist!
Grandpa decided that shopping for Christmas presents had become too difficult. All his grandchildren had everything they needed, so he decided to send them each a cheque (check).
On each card he wrote:
'Happy Christmas Grandpa'
P.S. 'Buy your own present!'
Conclusion:
Now, while Grandpa enjoyed the family festivities, he thought that his grandchildren were just slightly distant. It preyed on his mind into the New Year. Then one day he was sorting out his study and under a pile of magazines, he found a little pile of cheques (checks) for his grandchildren. He had completely forgotten to put them in with the Christmas cards.
LOL Fantastic
Woohooo! Friday!!!
Hitler finds out about 2013 Mustang GT500
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8eeplOPqdyA
Lots of good GM digs.
Language warnings in captions.
A married couple had been out shopping at the mall most of the afternoon, when suddenly, the wife realized that her husband had “disappeared.”
Irate, she called her husband’s cell and demanded “Where the hell are you ?”
“Darling, remember that jewelry shop where you saw the diamond necklace and totally fell in love with it, and remember that I didn’t have the money at the time and said ‘Baby it’ll be yours one day.”
Somewhat embarrassed and with a blushing smile, she replied “Yes. I remember that, my love.”
“Well, I’m in the bar next to that store.”
Thanks Lucky!
Have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!
We’re taking Amtrak (Southwest Chief) from Flagstaff to Chicago (32 hour train ride).
Hopefully it’ll be a good trip. I’ve got a 4 year old, a 7 year old, a 10 year old and a 16 year old. I plan on taking LOTS of batteries for their “electronics” and I’m hoping the train has electric outlets next to the seats so I can hook up the kids with the portable DVD players.
I’m also hoping we see snow on Christmas. Lord knows we don’t see any in Phoenix.
nice X
.
They do. We took the kids up to DC this year and rode the train. They loved it. The only bad part was that the trip between Atlanta and DC is all at night so we couldn't see much. Bring your own pillows and blankets. The AC in the car we were on was stuck on the whole way there and off the whole way back.
Clay,
You named after the mine or the Lone Ranger?
Little Michael was staying with his grandmother for a few days. He’d been playing outside with the other kids for awhile when he came into the house and asked her “Grandma, what is that called when two people are sleeping in the same room and one is on top of the other?” She was a little taken aback, but decided to tell him the truth.
“It’s called sexual intercourse”, she replied.
Little Michael just said, “Oh, okay” and went back outside to talk and play with the other kids.
A few minutes later he came back in and said angrily,”Grandma, it is not called sexual intercourse! It’s called Bunk Beds! and Jimmy’s Mom wants to talk to you!
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