Posted on 07/27/2012 5:38:33 PM PDT by mamelukesabre
Here's the scenario:
Mom and Dad come to visit. Dad is not doing so well. Dementia has set in very rapidly over the last year and he's barely functional now. You can still get meaningful dialog with him if you are patient, slow, and interrupt him when he goes off on strange tangents. But its easy to confuse him by talking fast or being even a tiny bit confrontational. Also you have to leave certain topics alone for awhile and come back later after he's had time to let it sink in. If he answers a question too soon his answer won't make sense. But if you ask it again a few minutes later he will have a sensible response.
Mom never had to make any decisions. Dad always took care of everything. Now that Dad can't do it all for her, Mom suddenly thinks she's a big boss and is bossing everyone around...even me. Problem is she's not very good at making decisions. She's 70 plus and its too late for her to learn. She makes all the wrong decisions and keeps on doing it one after another.
Here's what happened when they came to visit me
There is a wolf dog (1/4 wolf, half husky, 1/4 german shepherd) that lives about 1/8th mile from me. It gets loose from time to time because the owner doesn't give a damn. I know him and have talked to him. He thinks dog fights are just a fact of life and dogs just get loose once in awhile. I don't put up with dogs running loose. My dog gets punished when it leaves my property only by 20 feet, which is extremely rare because she gets tied up if outside for more than 5 minutes.
Anyway, my parents are visiting and my dog is outside with them. Here comes the damn wolf dog. It gets close to my property and my dog gives the warning. Growling, snarling, etc. I instantly start running to tackle my dog. The wolf dog growls back. My dog charges and makes a beeline for the wolf dog. I change directions and I bolt for my truck, grab my gun and head for the dog fight about to happen. My dog is old(about 10years)but in good health and 50 lbs and that wolf dog is well over 100 lbs and in prime condition and age. No way in hell I'm going to stand there and watch my dog get chewed into pieces and no way in hell I'm tackling a 100+ pound wolf dog bare handed.
Then guess what happens?
My idiot mother decides she's in charge and runs out to get between the dogs. She's old and weak and petite and maybe 140lbs and none of it muscle. So far the dogs are not touching each other. They are just threatening from a short distance. A standoff I guess. It's only been maybe 2 seconds though and one or the other will initiate an attack at any moment. I know my dog. She has a very bad temper and attacks strange dogs on her turf if given a chance. As I sprint passed my mother I rack the slide on my handgun to make sure I got a round in the chamber and turn on the laser sights...and then my mother starts screaming at me.
"don't you dare shoot your dog, she's a good dog!" and tries to grab my arm.
At this point I decide my mother is just about as senile as my poor old dad, except at least my dad knows he's senile and shuts his mouth when he doesn't know what is going on around him.
A neighbor saw the whole commotion same time I did and he was sprinting towards the dogs yelling and waiving his hands and threw a big rock at the wolf dog...hit it real good too. He's about 6'6 and has long arms to really get a rock moving good. The wolf dog spun around and yelped. My dog lunged. The wolf dog dodged the lunge without even trying but decided rocks plus 3 crazy screaming humans running at it was too much. It took off running. My dog took off after it. The wolf dog was fast and was gone in a flash. The neighbor and I chased down my dog. The neighbor was faster than I and brought my dog back to me. He and my dog know each other very well and get along great.
But then the arguing started when I got back to my lunatic mother. Bad arguing. I know I shouldn't be reacting like this to a little old lady that happens to be my mother but i can't stand her anymore. She is a complete arrogant fool ever since she started being the boss. I'm sick of watching her bully my dad over stupid meaningless issues. I'm actually contemplating moving in with them and getting power of attorney. Or maybe buying a new house and making them move in with me. My dad wouldn't like leaving his home though. They are both nuts. But I have my own life to live and I don't want to sacrifice it just yet.
I know what is making my mom nuts. It is not being taken care of anymore. She isn't handling being the boss so good. She isn't cut out for it.
if that’s what you want
No, I have a demented co-worker (just became full-fledged) that I don’t know what to do about either.
You’re just going to have to ask for Grace in the matter. That’s what I’m doing.
I think.
Piss off yourself. You were about to shoot someone elses dog, off your property, because your dog attacked it. Your dog’s “territory” does not extend to the street outside your house. If you had shot that dog in the street, his owner could have sued you and won, and you might have faced criminal charges as well. You are lucky your mom stopped you and your neigbor intervened.
Read the first 6 words of your first post to this thread. Jerk.
I understand what you wrote here.
And you are right. ‘Pod.
Gosh and I thought you were going to tell us you shot your mom ...nah just joshing. It is tough when our parents get to the point that they aren’t functioning well. Glad you could vent here. Also glad you and your dog and your folks are okay. (Of course you could always shoot the neighbor....oh wait never mind)
Definitely tests the “until death.” I am in my 40s and working on my living will so my son will be prepared when the day comes.
I almost can't stand to be with my in-laws because all he does is says "what?" and all she does is scream at him.
It's really pretty sad.
Write it all down - it’s your masterpiece screenplay.
So why didn’t you tell all the other folks on the thread who offered advice to piss off? If you post a story on a forum, you are going to get comments. If you can’t take a little constructive criticism in the mix, don’t go fishing for sympathy.
BTW, I do have sympathy, my dad is also dealing with senility. I should have started out by acknowleging that. I wish you well.
I am so sorry you have to be going through all of this.....it is tough when you have to parent the parent....
Good Idea on power of attorney.....
I am so sorry you have to be going through all of this.....it is tough when you have to parent the parent....
Good Idea on power of attorney.....
Yes, I have issues with my own father with dementia (He says he's "demented".) living with my family at this time. We have trouble getting him to bathe, he eats food directly from the serving dishes (and then it's all "his") and several other issues you'd have with a 5yr old...but that is the thing I need to remember, too. He has stood by me for most of my life and I am grateful for that.
But I have my own life to live and I don't want to sacrifice it just yet.
I feel sorry for your parents. Because you are a jerk. Just call Social Services and walk away. Your parents are probably better off alone in some nursing home.
Did your Idiot mother put up with you during your teen years.......
Nothing “prepares” one for the turns in life. I have been the child, the child parent of my parent, and now the child mother of my child parent. Not fun for any of us.
Not advice, but a suggestion: Talk to an attorney who handles probate and estate planning about a conservatorship for both your parents. If you/your spouse/siblings aren’t up to the task, you might want to look into a public guardianship. They’ll be able to determine whether your mom is capable of handling things, and if not, they will. Best of luck.
Trust me, YOU will be there one day. Better keep your words sweet, you just might have to eat them.
That “demented” father raised you right!
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