You see the size of my knuckles? Don't touch my sign! Is that an EPA Agent over there ? Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr!
Posted on 10/18/2012 4:36:25 PM PDT by verum ago
Washington, D.C.– The EPA made the surprise announcement through its Ohio office today that it will regulate campaign signs and flyers in an effort to protect the environment from their harmful effects.
"Unprecedented numbers of Romney/Ryan signs have broken out this across the country, hand equally unprecedented numbers are being defaced and thrown away clandestinely" said EPA spokesperson Heidi Griesmer. "There has already been an alarming number of wildlife die-offs related to the sign pandemic."
On Wednesday, Ohio Department of Natural Resources personnel reported finding a pond overflowing with defaced Romney/Ryan signs, destroying its value as a habitat for fish and migratory birds. Monday morning, Pennsylvania officials were called by shocked hunters who had discovered several dead deer which had apparently been overcome by fumes from a massive bonfire of Romney/Ryan signs upwind of the woods of where they had bedded down for the night.
"As Romney and Ryan expand their lead over Obama and Biden, this outbreak will only get worse. It's the duty of the EPA to do whatever it takes to defend our wildlife and natural spaces from electoral pollution," said Griesmer. "If we do nothing, illicit disposal of signs could eventually reach levels threatening human residents as well. This is a problem that concerns us all."
The core of the EPA regulations is twofold: first, the burning and disposal of Romney/Ryan signs on public land will command a $10,000 fine per offense, with probation on the first offense and up to 2 months jail time for each subsequent incident. Second, the EPA will set up special sign disposal centers where frustrated Democrats can safely drop off their neighbors' signs for recycling.
The EPA is also considering extending protection to Obama/Biden bumper stickers and signs, citing the precipitous drop in their populations over the last four years. "The populations of signs and stickers advocating Democrat candidates have dropped to alarmingly low levels," Griesmer said. "The President has expressed interest not only in protecting them, but perhaps introducing a captive printing campaign to shore up their numbers."
If Romney doesn't close down this agency when elected, then we're sunk.
YOU are having WAY too much fun posting! (don’t stop! Ping me!) ;)
I was bored and thought of Ass-Pos ping
Ah yes, the ole 4th branch of gov’t flexing their muscle.
COMMUNISTS
Knowing Obama and the EPA this actually strikes me that it could be true.
As far as satire goes F-
Somebody needs to regulate the EPA “in an effort to protect the environment from their harmful effects.”
What a waste of tax money!!!
Better buy a life vest!! Romney won't shut it down.
This is obviously bogus. The EPA would never venture out into areas of regulation where they haven’t been granted authority.
As far as satire goes F-
That’s harsh! I thought it was pretty clever.
actually, a better way to put it would be “imitation is the sincerest form of flattery” ping
lol
thanks
It’s very good I think
I do hope you have a video camera when Obama’s Armed & Dangerous pay you a visit for what you wrote.
;-)
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.