Posted on 02/01/2013 6:46:55 PM PST by SgtHooper
Years ago it was suggested that an apple a day kept the doctor away... But since most doctors are now Muslim, I've found that a bacon sandwich works best!
Japanese scientists have now created a camera with such an immense shutter speed that it is now possible to take a photograph of a woman with her mouth closed.
I hate all this terrorist business. I used to love the days when you could look at an unattended bag on a train or bus and think to yourself "I'm going to take that".
Man in a hot air balloon is lost over Ireland. He looks down and sees a farmer in the fields and shouts to him “Where am I”? The Irish farmer looks back up and shouts back. "You're in that basket up there."
I failed a Health and Safety course at the Senior Center today. One of the questions was:
"In the event of a fire, what steps would you take?" "F***ing' big ones" was apparently the wrong answer.
Hoh man!!!! That is heelarryus!!!
Not quite sure why you sent me the "Dear Jane" letter.
A Baby Boy and a Baby Girl are sitting on the floor.
The Baby Boy pulls open the front of his Diaper, points down and says, you don’t have one of these.
The Baby Girl pulls open the front of her Diaper, points down and says, with one of these I can get 100 of those.
There was a man who entered a local paper’s pun contest.. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. But when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can’t have your kayak and heat it.
I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already.
Two guys are fishing in a little row boat near a bridge. A funeral procession goes by and one guy stands up, takes his hat off and bows his head. When the procession is past he sits back down in the boat. “Jeez, that was nice of you’’, his friend said. The guy replies “Well after all I was married to her for thirty years, it’s the least I could do’’.
Was sitting on the porch one day.. Passing by was a strange funeral procession.. Two Hearse passed, behind a single man walking with a dog. Behind him a very long single file line of men..
I had to ask the man with the dog what was going on..
He stated his wife is in the first hearse, he and his wife ended up in a fight, the dog jumped in to protect him, killed the wife. In the second hearse is my Mother in Law, she jumped in, tried to save my wife. Dog killed her too.
Wow I said, can I borrow the dog. He said get in line!
That was 40 years ago, and we still laugh about it today.
An obnoxious woman and her two feral brats were in WalMart. The kids were getting into all kinds of mischief and trashing the place. An elderly greeter walked up to her with a smile and said, “what lovely children. Are they twins?”
“Of course not,” she snapped. “One is six and one is eight.”
“My mistake,” he said pleasantly. “I just find it hard to believe that a woman like you actually got laid twice.”
I apologize, you are right to be confused...I was Freeping very late, and had three or four windows on different threads open at the same time and pasted that response into the wrong window. I can see how that must have been puzzling to you.
I am glad you turned around, FRiend...
Heh, funny since I posted in the wrong thread! But, it does count as humor, sooooo...I guess it’s gonna stay!
For the life of me, I cannot figure out the thread I was trying to post to! (I had been surfing for a few hours, and my eyes were nearly bleeding from the eye strain...
I was. But I thought perhaps I had done something inapropos, to which your answer was somehow a (to me) inscrutable reproof.
Actually my "joke" was racy enough to raise the reader's eyebrow as to my association with the Master (indicated in the tagline) into question. I'm glad you gave me an opportunity to explain the disconnection.
Of course, no offence, at all. Certainly wiser --
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