Posted on 05/01/2013 12:31:35 PM PDT by econjack
A guy is out walking in a field and spots a large hole in the ground. He walks over to it and peers over the edge. He can't see the bottom, so he looks around and spots a pebble. He tosses the pebble in the hole, cocks his head, and listens.
Nothing.
He looks around again, sees a large boulder, hefts it up and waddles over to the edge of the hole and heaves it it and cocks his head.
Nothing.
He looks around once more and spots a large railroad tie. With considerable effort, he drags it to the edge, stands it on end, and shoves it over the edge and cocks his head.
Nothing.
However, as he is listening, his peripheral vision notices motion on top of the hill and he looks up to see a goat running as fast as any four-legged animal he has ever seen. Suddenly, it hangs a hard right turn and comes racing down the hill at break-neck speed, barely giving the guy enough time to jump out of the way. As he does, the goat dives head-first into the hole. He cocks his head and listens.
Nothing.
Just then, a farmer comes up and asks: "Have you seen a goat around here?"
The guy responds: "He was up on that ridge and was running faster than anything I've ever seen and then he turned sharply to the right, raced down the hill, and dived into that hole over there."
The farmer said: "Impossible."
The guy said: "I'm not lying...full speed down the hill and dived into that hole!"
Farmer repeated: "Impossible. I had him chained to a railroad tie."
You lived in Texas, do you know why they serve cake at an Aggie wedding?
To keep the flies off the bride.
(and I was an Aggie bride) :)
I like short jokes. Do you know what the duck said to the prostitute?
Put it on my bill!
Two nuns are walking through a park late one night when they are attacked by two men who drag them into the bushes and rape them.
As she’s being ravished, one of the nuns cries out, “Forgive them, Lord, for they know not what they do.”
The other nun says, “Mine does!”
I drove by New York’s Bellevue Hospital the other day. You know who is in there ??
You got me.. LOL
I get the Aggie jokes all the time. What’s the difference between Aggies and cereal? Cereal makes it to the bowl.
bkmk
Now that’s funny
And deserves to be in one!
This is perhaps the best blonde joke I have ever heard.
There was a blonde who was sitting next to a lawyer on an airplane. The lawyer was naturally bored, so he kept bugging the blonde to play a game of intelligence with him.
The blonde was reluctant, so the lawyer offered her 10 to 1 odds. He told her that every time she could not answer his question, she owed him $5, but every time he could not answer hers, he’d give her $50. The lawyer figured the blonde was so dumb, he could not lose, and the blonde thought for a few minutes and reluctantly accepted to play his game.
The lawyer fires his first question “What is the distance between the Earth and the nearest star?”
Without saying a word the blonde handed him $5. The blonde then asked the lawyer “What goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes back down the hill with 4 legs?”
The lawyer’s face looked extremely puzzled. He spent several hours, looking up everything he could on his laptop and even placing numerous air-to-ground phone calls trying to figure out the answer. Finally, the angry and frustrated lawyer handed the blonde $50.00.
The blonde put the $50 into her purse quickly without saying a word. The lawyer was outraged at this point and asked, “Well, what is answer?”
The blonde glanced at him with a smirk on her face and handed him a $5 bill.
EEEEEEEEEEEEW!
A neutron walks into a bar and asks the bartender “How much for a beer?” The bartender says “For you? No charge.”
Later two atoms walk out of the same bar. One says “I think I lost an electron in there.” The other says “Are you sure.” He replies “I’m positive!”.
Some years back, a Marine Corps officer gave us a speech on “motivation”.
Since so many vets want to be buried in Arlington, they have resorted to buring the deceased five or six deep, and have to dig the graves to a depth to accept them all.
One night a drunk wanders through the cemetery and falls into a freshly dug grave.
He tries jumping out, but try as he might, the grave is just too deep. Frustrated, he gives up and goes to sleep, figuring that at daybreak, somebody will get him out.
A few hours later, another drunk falls into the grave and begins frantic attempts to jump out. The noise wakes up the other drunk, who, unseen in a dark corner, watches with interest.
Finally, he take pity on the guy and says, “Forget it buddy. You ain’t never getting out.”
The other drunk cleared the grave with one jump.
Now THAT is what “motivation” means.
Mom calmly tells the little girl that her tummy is getting big because there's a baby growing in it.
The little girl thinks and then asks, "Well then...what's growing in your butt?"
I don’t get it.
You?
Yup, pretty bad ...
... but that didn't stop me from passing it on :-)
crazy people.
The rapist asks the Nun, “What are you going to tell the Father?” “Well, I’ll say that a man jumped out of the bushes and raped me twice; you are going to do it again aren’t you?”
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.