Posted on 01/05/2014 2:23:40 PM PST by workerbee
President Barack Obama and the Democratic Senate are considering sweeping legislation that will provide new benefits for many more Americans. The Americans With No Abilities Act is being hailed as a major legislative goal by advocates of the millions of Americans who lack any real skills or ambition.
"Roughly 50 percent of Americans do not possess the competence and drive necessary to carve out a meaningful role for themselves in society," said California Sen. Barbara Boxer. "We can no longer stand by and allow People of Inability (POI) to be ridiculed and passed over. With this legislation, employers will no longer be able to grant special favors to a small group of workers, simply because they have some idea of what they are doing."
In a Capitol Hill press conference, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi and Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid pointed to the success of the U.S. Postal Service, which has a long-standing policy of providing opportunity without regard to performance. At the state government level, the Department of Motor Vehicles also has an excellent record of hiring Persons with No Ability (63 percent).
Under the Americans With No Abilities Act, more than 25 million mid-level positions will be created, with important-sounding titles but little real responsibility, thus providing an illusory sense of purpose and performance.
Mandatory non-performance-based raises and promotions will be given to guarantee upward mobility for even the most unremarkable employees. The legislation provides substantial tax breaks to corporations that promote a significant number of Persons of Inability (POI) into middle-management positions, and give a tax credit to small and medium-sized businesses that agree to hire one clueless worker for every two talented hires.
Finally, the Americans With No Abilities Act contains tough new measures to make it more difficult to discriminate against the non-abled, banning, for example, discriminatory interview questions such as, "Do you have any skills or experience that relate to this job?"
"As a non-abled person, I can't be expected to keep up with people who have something going for them," said Mary Lou Gertz, who lost her position as a lug-nut twister at the GM plant in Flint, Mich., due to her inability to remember righty tighty, lefty loosey. "This new law should be real good for people like me. I'll finally have job security." With the passage of this bill, Gertz and millions of other lazy untalented citizens will finally see a light at the end of the tunnel.
Said Sen. Dick Durbin, IL: "As a senator with no abilities, I believe the same privileges that elected officials enjoy ought to be extended to every American with no abilities. It is our duty as lawmakers to provide each and every American citizen, regardless of his or her inadequacy, with some sort of space to take up in this great nation and a great salary for doing so."
This message was approved by Jesse Jackson, Kathleen Sebelius, Al Sharpton, Susan Rice, Diane Feinstein, Barbara Boxer, Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid and Barack Obama.
There is always “rap musician”.
“Americans With No Abilities Law (ANAL)”
That sounds better, doesn’t it? 8^)
Borrowed AND posted, found a cute pic to go with it
that came from FreeperLand. :)
http://www.franklincountyvapatriots.com/2013/02/09/americans-with-no-abilities-act/
LOL — my hat is off to you!
Well done!
I kinda’ get tired of these satires when the truth is almost just as bad.
Right! The satire is getting waaaay to close to what could easily become the truth. So I choose not to burst out laughing right away.
Beware of any The blah blah blah blah Act. It ain’t good.
Sad to say the “trophy for everyone” concept has been indoctrinating our kids for a long time.
Is putting an x in the box of anyone on the ballot with a “(D)” behind their name an ability?
Dads Detest Daughters Dating Democrats...
FYI....?....lol...;)
Omg... Too funny.
This will be law within 12 months, by Executive Order.
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