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Germany To Leave Its Gold In Federal Reserve
Retired Texas Vet | 6-24-14 | Retired Texas Vet

Posted on 06/24/2014 7:01:15 PM PDT by RetiredTexasVet

Angela Merkel stated today that Germany would leave its 1,500 tonnes of gold in the Federal Reserve vault in NYC for continued safekeeping.

Proponents for repatriation of German gold were outraged that Angie would double-cross them after initially agreeing to have at least 674 tonnes of gold repatriated. Insiders confirmed that only 5 tonnes of gold were repatriated before shipments were inexplicably stopped.

The current Federal Reserve Chairthing, Janet Yelling, announced today that the former Federal Reserve Chairthing, Ben Bernanke's computer hard drive had crashed destroying the inventory of gold on deposit with the Fed. Shockingly, the six backup copies of the inventory on his assistants computers were also destroyed by hard drive crashes. IT experts at the Fed verified that the Windows 3.1 based computers crashed just before their planned upgrade to Windows XP due to Superstorm Sandy shorting the electrical systems.

Not wanting to panic any of the gold depositors, a physical inventory of the gold was taken to ascertain the exact status of the inventory. Accountants entered the subterranean gold vaults below the Fed and discovered a major problem. As a result of Superstorm Sandy the vault had been breached and salt water had flooded several of the lower gold vaults, including the one where the alleged 1,500 tonnes of German gold was stored. According to gold technicians, the salt water had corroded the gold bars. Serial numbers and country stamps on the bars were indecipherable. Experts determined that the gold would have to be melted down and gold bars recast to determine the exact amount of gold remaining. After recasting, the Fed determined that only 5 tonnes remained.

Experts stated that a shrinkage from 1,500 tonnes to 5 tonnes would not be unusual considering that many bars would have floated away, others completely corroded away and then a lot lost through shrinkage and wastage during the recasting process.

The Germans contacted their insurance company, Progressive (the one with the dimwit bimbo not the lizard), which stated that the German policy did cover hurricanes which required them to replace the Windows 3.1 computers; however, it specifically excluded flood damages which would have to be covered under a Federal Flood Insurance policy which they had not obtained.

Janet assured Angie that she would not leave her slowly twisting in the the political wind but would develop some solution that would provide cover for both of them. Janet had Federal Reserve notes printed (good as gold - per FDR 1930s) in an amount equivalent to the dollar value of the alleged 1,500 tonnes of gold. Those notes, the same as gold, were then to remain on deposit with the Fed. Problem solved and everyone happy.


TOPICS: Business/Economy; Humor; Society; Weather
KEYWORDS: germany; gold; satire

1 posted on 06/24/2014 7:01:15 PM PDT by RetiredTexasVet
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To: RetiredTexasVet
We stole 1,500 tonnes of gold from them.

That's chutzpah.

2 posted on 06/24/2014 7:05:02 PM PDT by ClearCase_guy ("Harvey Dent, can we trust him?" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HBsdV--kLoQ)
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To: RetiredTexasVet

Shucks, I thought they would just mint several million dollar coins to cover the loss.


3 posted on 06/24/2014 7:05:40 PM PDT by bobo1 (progressives=commies/fascists)
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To: RetiredTexasVet

...Saltwater corroded gold bars?

Someone did not pay attention in chemistry class.


4 posted on 06/24/2014 7:12:55 PM PDT by Kriggerel ("All great truths are hard and bitter, but lies... are sweeter than wild honey" (Ragnar Redbeard))
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There is no gold. We shipped it somewhere else. Everyone is trading their gold away to each other. there is probably 5-6, maybe 100 times more gold in “circulation” than there actually is in existence.


5 posted on 06/24/2014 7:13:48 PM PDT by Captainpaintball (Immigration without assimilation is the death of a nation)
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To: RetiredTexasVet
others completely corroded away

Yet we find gold bars that come from ships that took the big dive hundreds of years ago, still intact. Someone please explain this to me.

6 posted on 06/24/2014 7:14:48 PM PDT by doc1019
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To: RetiredTexasVet
IT experts at the Fed verified that the Windows 3.1 based computers crashed just before their planned upgrade to Windows XP due to Superstorm Sandy shorting the electrical systems.

Windows 3.1??? Hurricane Sandy was in 2012 so they were going from a 1994 operating system to XP which was released in 2012. I'm not buying it. Their IT guys must have loved supporting Windows 3.1 on DOS or they're lying.

I believe they're lying, and badly.

7 posted on 06/24/2014 7:15:42 PM PDT by Lx (Do you like it? Do you like it, Scott? I call it, "Mr. & Mrs. Tenorman Chili.")
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To: RetiredTexasVet

Okay Germany let my show you, we have a special vault over here just for you; see it’s all yours.

Danka Fed...

The German gov’t is just as gullible as any other in Europe.


8 posted on 06/24/2014 7:16:14 PM PDT by PoloSec ( Believe the Gospel: how that Christ died for our sins, was buried and rose again)
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To: Lx

Oops, typo, XP came out in 2001, not 2012.


9 posted on 06/24/2014 7:16:23 PM PDT by Lx (Do you like it? Do you like it, Scott? I call it, "Mr. & Mrs. Tenorman Chili.")
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To: RetiredTexasVet

if I was Germany, I would audit my deposit daily....


10 posted on 06/24/2014 7:19:29 PM PDT by terycarl
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To: RetiredTexasVet

Translation, they can’t have it back because it’s gone, and if they admit it’s gone their economy crashes, so they claim we can hold it for them...


11 posted on 06/24/2014 7:20:06 PM PDT by null and void (In this war, the front line is at your front door...)
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To: RetiredTexasVet

I’m not sure what’s dumber - this obviously nonsensical vanity, or the posters who take it at face value.


12 posted on 06/24/2014 7:34:57 PM PDT by wideawake
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To: RetiredTexasVet

LOL, I was looking for an Onion reference.

At any rate, the German’s gold is gone, no longer here. We stole it. Or more likely, someone else stole it from us, and we didn’t even notice. Until now.


13 posted on 06/24/2014 7:37:38 PM PDT by Clarence
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To: Lx
"Their IT guys must have loved supporting Windows 3.1 on DOS or they're lying."

You would be surprised how many DOS, Unix and other ancient systems are still out there. If it works, don't fix it I guess. The hospital system I toil for keeps its old systems and runs new tech through Internet apps, HIPPA be damned. I just love logging on every morning and see the IBM 1982 copyright.Very convenient failure for the IRS though.

14 posted on 06/24/2014 8:16:26 PM PDT by buckalfa (Charter Member of the Group W Bench)
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To: RetiredTexasVet

The hard drive containing the location crashed and they can’t find it now.


15 posted on 06/24/2014 9:14:23 PM PDT by aquila48
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To: aquila48
The hard drive containing the location crashed and they can’t find it now.

The location, or the hard drive?

:-)

16 posted on 06/24/2014 10:37:48 PM PDT by Mark17 (Rudyard Kipling: Liberals be wary, when the SHTF, The Wrath of the Awakened Saxon will clobber you)
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To: RetiredTexasVet
This must not be true because I haven't read it on Zerohedge.

Please check reputable sources before you post rumors like this.

17 posted on 06/24/2014 10:53:09 PM PDT by Kennard
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To: Kennard

This is posted in the “humor” section. One of the keywords is “satire.”


18 posted on 06/25/2014 4:10:11 AM PDT by exDemMom (Current visual of the hole the US continues to dig itself into: http://www.usdebtclock.org/)
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To: Kriggerel

Must have missed that class .... was probably taking the class which discussed atomic weights and whether gold could float away!


19 posted on 06/25/2014 5:40:10 PM PDT by RetiredTexasVet (Surgeon General Warning: Operation of Government Motors vehicles may be hazardous to your health)
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To: wideawake

Probably the 80% of the current population (including college graduates) that wouldn’t get it either.


20 posted on 06/25/2014 5:43:26 PM PDT by RetiredTexasVet (Surgeon General Warning: Operation of Government Motors vehicles may be hazardous to your health)
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