Skip to comments.***THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS THREAD***
Posted on 07/25/2014 5:52:33 AM PDT by Lucky9teen
When : July 25th
Culinarians Day is a special day for anyone who cooks. That means just about everyone of us get to celebrate this day. You don't have to be a chef, or a graduate of a culinary institute to celebrate this delicious day. You simply have to cook, and to enjoy the results.
There's national concern over growing obesity in America. Recognizing this fact, one would think that this is a huge holiday. However, we found this to be one of the least known holidays in the country..... up to now. Not anymore! We have documented it so all can enjoy Culinarians Day this year, and in future years.
Now get into your kitchen and celebrate Culinarians Day. Cook up a storm. BTW: What time should I arrive to eat!?
Top Ten Rejected Cookbook Titles:
10. Newman's Stone: Cooking for Older Gall Bladders
9. Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwiches for Dummies
8. Bob Vila's Sawdust Cuisine
7. Granny Clampett's "Yer Throwin' Away the Best Parts!" Entrees
6. Mud, Sticks, and Leaves: Cooking with a Four Year Old
5. Cooking with Condiments - An Apartment Dweller's Guide to Making
Something Out of Nothing
4. 101 Ways to Wok Your Dog
3. Everything's Yogurt...Eventually!
2. Lions and Tigers and Beets, Oh My!
...and the Number 1 Rejected Cookbook Title:
1. Getting Even: Hillary's High-Fat Cookbook
Two bachelors sat talking. Their conversation drifted from politics to cooking. .
'I got a cook book once', said the first, 'but I could never do anything with it.'
'Too much fancy cooking in it, eh?' asked the second.
'You said it. Every one of the recipes began the same way - 'Take a clean dish and...'
The Top 10 Pickup Lines Used By Chefs:
10. "Your eyes are like limpid pools of chicken stock."
9. "I know we've just met, but will you marinade me?"
8. "Cumin here often?"
7. "How do you like your eggs? Poached, scrambled, or fertilized?"
6. "Care to come back to my place and kick it up a notch?"
5. "Hey, weren't you in my 'Introduction to Melons' class?"
4. "We've now simmered for the recommended 25 minutes - time to come to a full boil!"
3. "You're twice as sweet as a creme brulee - and less drippy."
2. "Get the buttah."
...and the Number 1 Pickup Line used by Chefs:
1. "Uh, yeah ... I invented Spaghetti-O's
SIGNS FOUND IN KITCHENS
Kitchen closed - - this chick has had it!
I'm creative; you can't expect me to be neat too!
So this isn't Home Sweet Home...Adjust!
Ring Bell for Maid Service...If no answer do it yourself!
I clean house every other day...Today is the other day!
I would cook dinner but I can't find the can opener!
My house was clean last week, too bad you missed it!
COOK CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!
I came, I saw, I decided to order take out.
If you don't like my standards of cooking...lower your standards.
Although you'll find our house a mess, Come in, sit down, converse. It doesn't always look like this...Some days it's even worse.
A messy kitchen is a happy kitchen, and this kitchen is delirious.
If we are what we eat, then I'm easy, fast, and cheap.
A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused.
A clean house is a sign of a misspent life.
Help keep the kitchen clean - eat out.
Countless number of people have eaten in this kitchen and gone on to lead normal lives.
My next house will have no kitchen --- just vending machines.
Dull women have immaculate houses.
No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes.
A husband is someone who takes out the trash and gives the impression he just cleaned the whole house.
Housework done properly can kill you.
If you can't have your cake, AND eat it... Then next time make more cakes
WOOOOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOO top 10!!!! TGIF!!!!!
CLICK HERE TO BE INCLUDED OR TAKEN OFF THE LIST
|You Are a Generous Cook|
The things you cook tend to be crowd pleasers. You don't mind making a dish time and time again.
Of all the types, you are the most likely to give away your food. You're often baking or cooking for someone.
You're also the type least likely to experiment drastically. You're already a good cook... why mess with what works?
Top Ten again, Baby! Two weeks in a row!
How do I need thee? Let me count the ways
I need thee every time I mistakenly trash a file
I need thee when my laptop slows to a crawl
and when my server has crashed
I need thee when my system has been infected
with horrible malware
and when I forget the password that I set up just yesterday
I need thee with a confidence that I seem to lose
when errors pop up all over my screen
I need thee with the breath,
Smiles, and tears, of every hour I spend at work
and, if I get safely home tonight,
I shall but need thee again tomorrow
No - top nine - you blew it !
My admins eyes are nothing like the sun
He wears glasses and needs a flashlight to look into the backs of racks
Poets speak a language far easier on the ears
and, if the network moves data more quickly than I can imagine,
still he lumbers into the data center like a bear
If cables be tools, long black tools drag behind him as he moves
I have seen whiteboards covered with red and blue,
But no words or phrases describe what is in his head
And in most septic tanks there is more delight
Than in the sigh that emits from his mouth when I ask a question
I need to hear him speak, yet well I know
That the ravings of a lunatic might have a far more pleasing sound
I grant I never saw a knight stride by
My admin, when he walks, shuffles his feet and looks at the floor
And yet, by all that I have seen, I think my admin as rare and as precious
As any with whom he might be compared
One is utterly useless ornamentation. The other is a bobblehead.
I said, "It is all under control. It's been a very busy day. I haven't stopped to take a break all day."
"Can you do me a favor?" he asked.
I said, "Of course, What is it?"
"Pick up the pace a little. I'm in the foursome behind you."
Finally fed up, God said, 'THAT'S IT! I have had enough. I am going to set up a test that will run for two hours and from those results, I will judge who does the better job.' So Satan and Jesus sat down at the keyboards and typed away.
They moused. They faxed. They e-mailed. They e-mailed with attachments. They downloaded. They did spreadsheets! They wrote reports. They created labels and cards. They created charts and graphs in the cloud. They did some genealogy reports. They did every job known to man.
Jesus worked with heavenly efficiency and Satan was faster than hell. Then, ten minutes before their time was up, lightning suddenly flashed across the sky, thunder rolled, rain poured, and, of course, the power went off... Satan stared at his blank screen and screamed every curse word known in the underworld. Jesus just sighed....
Finally, the electricity came back on, and each of them restarted their computers. Satan started searching frantically, screaming: 'It's gone! It's all GONE! 'I lost everything when the power went out!'
Meanwhile, Jesus quietly started printing out all of his files from the past two hours of work. Satan observed this and became irate. 'Wait!' he screamed. That's not fair! He cheated! How come he has all his work and I don't have any?'
God just shrugged and said,
A Muslim immigrant goes to a Doctor in Houston, Texas and says “I feel terrible”.
The Doctor examines him and then says “You need to pee and crap in a bucket for a week, throw in a dead fish and a rotting cabbage. Put a towel over your head hold your face over the bucket and inhale the vapors for 3 days”.
The man does this and goes back to the Doctor and says “I feel wonderful!! What was wrong with me?”
“You were homesick”.
Here Is The 2700 Page Obama Care Law Condensed To 4 Sentences ..
1. In order to insure the uninsured, we first have to un-insure the insured.
2. Next, we require the newly un-insured to be re-insured.
3. To re-insure the newly un-insured, they are required to pay extra charges to be re-insured.
4. The extra charges are required so that the original insured, who became un-insured, and then became re-insured, can pay enough extra so that the original un-insured can be insured free of charge.
Now I understand.......................................
Th absolute best culinary complaint letter ever posted. I read it when I need a good laugh. I laugh until I cry. :). http://www.telegraph.co.uk/travel/travelnews/4344890/Virgin-the-worlds-best-passenger-complaint-letter.html
Made it in early today.. :-) Thanks again L19...
Top 29 woot
Me, “so, where did you get the stupid bobble head doll?”
Bobble head, “ in Kenya, but no one is supposed to know that.”
Which one’s the bobblehead?
My earliest baby picture.
LMAO. Very creative.
For you, cooking is rarely about doing things from the book. You like to put your own twist on every recipe. You know a lot about cooking techniques and flavors. You have a good instinct for what will work... and how to rescue a failure.
Of all the types, you are the most likely to write your own recipes, cooking blog, or even cookbook one day. You're the type least likely to follow any recipe or cooking instruction exactly. Your intuition usually knows better.
'La bonne cuisine est la base du véritable bonheur.' - Auguste Escoffier
(Good food is the foundation of genuine happiness.)
LonePalm, le Républicain du verre cassé (The Broken Glass Republican)
|You Are a Competitive Cook|
You are constantly working hard at being a better cook. When it comes to the kitchen, there's very little you can't do.
Of all the types, you are the most likely to feel like you can cook a restaurant meal better at home. And you usually can.
You're also the type least likely to rely on much prepackaged food. You make it better yourself, from scratch.