Posted on 12/19/2016 6:19:00 PM PST by Captain Peter Blood
It has been a very emotional roller coaster type of week for me and my two siblings.
Last Monday night my Father was taken to the Emergency Room and was diagnosed with severe dehydration. For the last two months he has been eating less and less and has made know to all of us that he wants to die.
He is 93 and two weeks ago we found out that he has imminent heart failure. His heart is just worn out and at his age he will not be getting a heart transplant. He had bypass and heart valve replacement at age 80 and has gotten another 13 years to be with us.
His best friend from childhood died almost three weeks ago, they were close and had been since they were about two or three years old. His decline became rapid after that and now here we are in Hospice care in the hospital. I must add after his friend died he got a Strep Throat and a bad chest cold. He just has no fight left in him.
He has deteriorated to the point that he can hardly move and his skin is so sensitized you cannot touch him without him crying out in pain.
I don't know what to think or what to do. My Sister has been caring for him for the last two years while he has been living with her and since she and my brother have been with him more more than I have, I felt my Sister should make some of the day to day decisions. She has been close to him since our Mother died 36 years ago.
While all of us don't want him to suffer needlessly, I have some very serious Moral and Ethical problems with the Hospice Protocols. It is and/or can be a drawn out process. On one hand you are starving someone or you are allowing someone to be over medicated by Morphine to ease the situation and "Help" them along on the journey.
There just are no real answers and it seems everything is in a huge grey area. You wish that is was mercifully over quickly but it doesn't work that way.
I would appreciate any experiences or feedback from those of you that may have gone through this.
My Father was a very early Trump supporter and told me at least a year ago that his biggest wish was to live to vote for Donald Trump and see him win. Well he did do that.
Lost my first wife in hospice due to stage 4 cancer.
There is no good answer, save for prayer.
Being there, of course, is a very very good thing.
Went through this with late wife. Honor his wishes whatever they might be. Be there for him as much as you can. Let him have what ever he wants either to eat or drink. Let him know you respect his wishes. If he chooses a DNR,don’t refuse him, embrace him. Make sure someone is with him at the end.That’s all I can say.
** Prayer Warriors Ping **
God Bless you and give you peace. I will say that your father was a lucky man. HE HAD YOU. I want you to leave it in God’s hands and — well, I’m not going there but God loves you both and if you ask him , He will give you the peace that surpasses all understanding. We all die— very soon.
I have no advice, praying now for all of you.
Prayers for you and your family. A friend of mine went thru this recently...mother was 98...she just wanted to die! She did, quite quickly, once she was in Hospice. She had asked my friend and her husband to overdose her previously....of course they couldn’t...Essentially, isn’t that what Hospice is doing with Morphine? I don’t envy you your situation, but pray it resolves quickly. Seems like the pain issue could be dealt with somehow, though.
We are going through a similar circumstance with my step-dad. He goes to the nursing home on Friday. I am the primary ‘advocate’ ATM. It is too involved to tell the story, but I pray you find guidance and peace with your decisions. We are set and know our parents wishes.......still doesn’t make it any easier, tho. (((((Hugs))))))
Is he too ill to have Hospice Care at home?? He might feel better at home. May I ask your Father’s name?
having said that, a good hospice group will make this difficult time much easier to bear. Work with the team and understand that this is your fathers choice. He doesn't need food or drink necessarily like he used to, so try to remember that he isn't "starving " in that sense. His body knows what it is doing. We went thru the same struggle almost 6 years ago for our father. Relieving his pain and making him more comfortable is morally and ethically ok. As his body is shutting down, food and fluids will actually cause more pain and problems. Our father died peacefully at home and hospice was wonderful. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
I’m sorry you’re going thru this. It’s very painful, I know.
You have to appreciate the ‘gift’ your father has given you and your siblings by letting it be known that he is ready (and, seemingly, anxious) to die after a long life and losses he can no longer abide. It makes those decisions a lot easier for you and your sibs, tho you may not realize it now.
My father, like yours, made it abundantly clear he did not want anything to extend his natural life. The time in hospice will probably be much faster than you are thinking. In my dad’s case it was under a week. One of my friends passed within days of going into hospice, and my older brother died the day after the hospice nurse came to his home. Often that length of time will depend on how long it has taken the patient and family to agree to hospice. It sounds like your dad has been on his final trail for some time now.
I hope you can find comfort in the good memories of your dad, and come to an understanding of how his living now for 36 years without your mother, seeing his health decline and loss of his friend have led him to think it’s time to ‘go home.’
Prayers for your Father and his loved ones.
Trust your sister.
She has been caring for him day to day and probably now hour to hour. She has learned a lot I am sure and understands how to care for him. Let her see him through.
Just my 2 cents.
Prayers for you and your father at this time.
No taking him back home is not really an option. He can’t move and needs hospital care. My sister could not handle that. His name is Leslie.
Lost my mom in 2009 after her being in hospice for 35 days before she passed. I also struggled with aspects of the hospice protocols. Its not easy its about them and not us....now try to see if you can help your sister...she will need you more than ever.
Prayers sent
One more thing. My Dad was stricken with Parkinsons. He was a great man. After he died I had dreams of him . I think they were from God. My dad is in his 40s in those dreams. I can hear him. He is so wonderful in those dreams., I wake up disappointed I can’t keep talking to him but I will.
...Is he too ill to have Hospice Care at home??...
Hospice does frequent home visits. They helped our family in an at home end of life situation. They were angels.
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