Posted on 12/19/2016 6:19:00 PM PST by Captain Peter Blood
At the end they wanted to give my MIL morphine and at first I refused but she was in a lot of pain so I finally agreed. I’m glad I did.
Prayers for your dad and for you, too, in making the right decision.
It sounds like it is his time. Don’t try to force him to eat or drink more than he wants. Tell him you love him and make him comfortable in his last days.
I’m so sorry. Hospice is a hard thing. You are a good son.
If it is in home hospice you could tell them to take a back seat. My sister did not allow hospice to administer any morphine..she did it herself and only sparingly.
Hospice needs to be looked at as an opportunity to have increased care for the patient.Sometimes it is to help with the additional needs of a patient as they go through the death process. Sometimes it is used to provide enough care to help the patient get back to a reasonable living situation.
Your father may be getting ready to pass.....or not. But your sister needs a break and the additional care no matter why is going to be beneficial.
You and yours are in my thoughts and prayers.
We all pass from this vale of tears sometime.
sent
What you is true. But my sister is having the hard time accepting it and keeps looking for a miracle and just cannot let go. This is kind of what is making it hard.
She lives at the hospital and I fear it is taking a toll on her. I live about 50 miles away but I am caring for a 90 year old Aunt and I am already stretched.
No one is ever over medicated to ‘help’ them die. Depending on what the disease is that your father is fighting hospice protocols are to provide comfort care. That may mean additional pain management. If you want him to have a feeding tube that can be done.
Your understanding of hospice is very limited. Talk to the nurses and the doc they will help you understand
And let this be a time when you and your family decide for your own selves what kind of care you want when you are so seriously and gravely ill. Deciding during the course of an illness is way too late. Decide and get it in writing
Pray he is taken gently. You must trust the hospice process. They have seen it all. Do not project your desire on him. Help him die with dignity.
I have gone through this several times: a niece, my wife, my father and my mother. It is never easy. It is a process filled with many emotions of anger, grief and loss.
Pray to find peace.
Understand you and your siblings feelings are driven by emotions and history. Be patient.
Pray that he passes in his sleep, pain free. Pain is the great evil. Do not endure the pain.
They are generous with the pain medication but from what you are saying he is in a great deal of pain.
I just lost an uncle and a very dear friend recently. One was in Hospice care because he had decided that it was time. One was not as she wanted to live for her husband's sake and so she refused them.
They died the same week, he the day before she did.
They both were ill about the same amount of time.
Both were Christians and both knew that there was a home waiting for them in heaven.
I doubt hospice helped my uncle on his way but I do know he was more comfortable at the last then she was.
I suggest you talk to people in your area who have experience with Hospice. Their answers may help you decide what to do.
Yes it is hard to let go.
Had the same after my father died.
Let her know she has done her very best for him. Which she has.
I lost my beloved girlfriend to cancer 4 years ago.
She spent the last 4 weeks of her life in hospice, and 3 of those weeks was in and out of lucidity — in the end, all we could do was give her a morphine drip to stop the pain, be present, and keep her clean.
The night before she died, I was alone with her (I was sleeping in the room with her most nights). She was not really conscious most times. I had read that with end-stage terminal people, one thing to do is to give them permission to go. So I told her how much I loved her, and held her hand, and told her it was OK to let go. And then after a while I went to the bed I was staying in.
I suddenly woke up at 4:43am and noticed I wasn’t hearing her breathing. When I went to look at her, she was gone.
When I reported that to the staff, they told me a nurse had been into visit her at 4:30am. I always think that she left and woke me up on the way out.
There’s really nothing you can do, except keep them comfortable, clean and pain-free, and let them know that you love them, and give them permission to go.
A word to you about this in a time such as this...remember its his wish that counts...it’s not about you...and he does not have much “quality” of life left from what you have said...and the loss of of friend probably sped up the process you have not done anything wrong and whatever he has chosen does not effect your moral feelings but this is not about your feelings its about his end of life choices
just rejoice an rememember the good times you had
and God’s peace go with you and your family!
Freegards
LEX
Your father has clearly been in the process of dying for some time. I urge you to talk to the hospice care people. They are NOT there just to drug ‘em up.
Your sister needs to let go of her guilt. Hospice was an absolute godsend for us when my father died in 2014.
Yes, I “second” your advice. Let the dear old man have his final say. Love him, honor him, fulfill his requests. Peace and comfort to all at this time.
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