Posted on 04/16/2020 9:11:48 PM PDT by CJ Wolf
Well the whole need, able stuff is shit.
You do what is necessary or what you care about.
I cared for my father as he was dying while raising four kids and caring for my mother.
Some of us just do it.
Then, as my mother was dying and living with us, my girls helped care for her because that’s what family does. No matter what.
Like is always said, you all do you and we will continue to do us.
Just stop trying to justify it. None of us believe you.
You don’t know my MIL....
SOME elders put themselves in eldercare...for good reason, btw.
I worked in three nursing homes. In one of them I worked in one of my co-workers had a bumper sticker that read “Be Nice To Your Kids, They Pick The Nursing Home’’.
why not?.....maybe should have in the first place...
I can understand that....my beef is with people who constantly belittle nursing home staff when they refuse to take care of their parents themselves....its an almost impossible job...
I’m glad you were able to get your father-in-law out. It’s too bad you had to jump through hoops, and shell out cash to do it though. Those places don’t like having to give up those monthly payments.
My mother used to drag me along to visit her two sisters, who owned and operated three nursing homes. I was probably seven when I asked her why any family would put a grandparent there. She tried explaining it, but I wasn’t buying and she knew it.
Our family cared for her at home for two years after she no longer knew who any of us were. Putting her in a nursing home or memory care unit was never even a topic of discussion for us.
I have two sons. One is married, one isn't. They're older...no kids. There was a time when my youngest was living with me, and I figured the only way to get him to move out of my apartment was to die. He finally left. Now lives in Indiana. I'm in New York State. My oldest son lives a couple of hours away, and calls me once a week. When I had cats, I always figured I'd die, and they wouldn't find me until after my cats had make a smorgasbord of me. I have no cats now, so my worries about being somebody's lunch have passed. First of all, I pray that I never outlive my kids. Second of all, I hope God will let me die before either of my kids has to make the decision of what to do with me. I certainly don't want to live with either of them. Neither of my parents went to a nursing home. They both died in hospital, as did my three siblings.
Another aspect to this is the transition.
Regardless of CV, considerations should weigh the moving impact. Maybe an elder with dementia will have big trouble sleeping in one bed in the home, to the next night, back at the kids place. Everything will be in new spots, with new routines for eating. Where the bathroom is now is different. It will be like they moved from one planet to another (well, with the latter being Earth).
And, considering CV, if movers are used, there is the added exposure of the packers and unpackers. Are they using PPE and SD practices? The relative health of the elder part of this too... how will the cope and deal with the change (even if positive).
So, there is the wear and tear of the move itself.
LOL
‘just stop trying to justify it. None of us believe you.’
well, aren’t you the judgmental little fascist...
It really depends on whether or not you are equipped to care for your parents, and I mean, ‘you’ in a generic manner, not you specifically.
When my Gran was in a nursing home, with all of us home right now and my medical background, we would have been able to take my Gran into the house. It is not optimal unless you have access to everything necessary to care for a disabled elderly parent. Not only meds and medical equipment, but things like diapers, disposable cleaning cloths and wipes, and enough space for a walker or wheelchair to maneuver around the house if that is part of the reason why a nursing home became necessary.
It largely depends on the reasons why the parent is in a nursing home, such as the need for around the clock care due to a physical ailment (my Gran had a stroke and was half paralyzed) or dementia, or both combined. The latter I would say is the one you would need to be most worried about, because that can make a parent highly unpredictable.
Legally, I don’t believe they can stop you from bringing a parent home with you, even temporarily. If a contract has been signed, I would read it thoroughly.
My Gran needed around the clock care that neither of her kids could afford, and both were still working full time. She was in a home that is an eight minute drive from my house, and I was there with her at least once a week depending on how I felt, because dialysis wiped me out. My Mom saw her at least once a week, mostly twice, and my Aunt would see her at least once a week. I saw her every Wednesday or Thursday depending on my dialysis schedule, but went more often when I could. My current husband went with me a couple of times before she passed, and my ex-fiancee went with me frequently to visit her.
It was not physically or economically possible. Gran had a stroke and was half paralyzed, on top of the emphysema and her requirement of an oxygen tank, not to mention that she was quite heavy and difficult to assist on the toilet. She needed nurses 24/7 and, as stated, even all of the grandkids, kids, and in-laws together couldn’t afford it.
You’re terribly judgmental. None of us wanted it, but it was the only option we had. My Mom was a service coordinator at that home previously, so we knew that place inside and out. She was also far less depressed after moving in, because she actually had a social life. When she was at home, she would sit home alone and smoke two packs of cigarettes daily while watching broadcast TV. She never had a driver’s license (she refused to learn), and got mugged walking to the 7/11 down the block. Twice. Eventually, she could no longer walk that distance, and we could only see her once a week, because she lived an hour away, deep in Chicago’s former Polish neighborhood (it’s all Latin now).
You, my friend, are a douche.
Aren’t you lucky.
I don’t see why.
Nursing facilities and assisted living care are very different.
Retirement type assisted living are for folks who can still care for themselves but don’t want the hassle of home ownership.
Nursing homes are typically utilized for those who need 24-hour medical care or monitoring and are too ill to fend for themselves.
In both scenarios, families voluntarily put their loved ones there and pay monthly for the care provided. They are wards of the state.
If you feel it necessary to remove them, there is no legal basis to prevent you from doing it.
Willing? Or able?
LISTEN, YOU SELF-RIGHTEOUS A-HOLE. YOU DON’T KNOW MY SITUATION, AND YOU CERTAINLY DO NOT KNOW MY FATHER’S OR MY MOTHER-IN-LAW’S SITUATION. THEY REQUIRED PROFESSIONAL MEDICAL CARE AND 24 HOUR NURSING, AND THEY GOT IT.
YOU ALSO DON’T KNOW MY MOTHER’S SITUATION, OR MY FATHER-IN-LAW’S SITUATION, BOTH OF WHOM WE TOOK CARE OF UNTIL THEY PASSED AWAY IN THEIR OWN BEDS, WITH ME AND MY WIFE HOLDING THEIR HANDS.
YOU CAN EFF OFF WITH YOUR HOLIER THAN THOU ATTITUDE.
Is your friend very familiar with the facility? Does he visit often, know the staff well? Do they know him well enough that they’ll keep in touch if they see an issue arise? Does the friend’s family member like the facility? If the facility is good, is there a long waiting list to get back in if the family member can’t keep the room? Is the home set up to handle any special needs? Obese patients may need something like a Hoyer lift. Dietary needs, medical needs. And what if the family member’s health status changes while at home? Does your friend have folks who can help while if there’s a lock down on in his area? Has your friend talked to his family member’s doctor for his opinion?
Just some thoughts for your friend to consider.
“Well the whole need, able stuff is shit.”
No, it’s not shit. My father passed away quite young at 59 after a grueling amount of time being sick. My mother has MS. Had my father gone much longer, there would be no way my mother would have been able to care for them both.
My brother travels 3 weeks out of every month for work. I do not have a home capable of having 2 ill parents navigate it. I have 2 young children that require their own amount of attention and care.
To assume that anyone who considers outside assistance is selfish and inconsiderate is in itself selfish. You think those are easy decisions for families to make? You think millions of families don’t struggle with that reality? Who would have helped me? My 2 year old? Sheesh.
Get real, lady.
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.