Same sex couple, married in San Francisco last month, goes through nasty divorce -

Bongo News ^ | March 17, 2004 | Mark Fisher

[UnklGene]

Same Sex Couple, Married in San Francisco Last Month, Goes Through Nasty Divorce -

SAN FRANCISCO — A gay couple, married in last month's frenzy of same-sex weddings in San Francisco, has filed for what is believed to be the country's first same-sex divorce. Lawyers for the newlyweds, identified only as John and Gary, said the couple cited "irreconcilable differences" as grounds for the divorce.

The couple appeared outside city hall late Tuesday afternoon with their attorneys, who spoke to a gathering of reporters.

"While both our clients entered into matrimony with the highest of hopes for a long and blessed union, they've quickly come to the realization that there were significant issues between them that are insurmountable. Like many newlyweds, they have rushed into things without realizing how much marriage really sucks."

"For God's sake!" said Gary to television reporters. "How much Barbra Streisand can I stand? Babs at breakfast, Babs at lunch, Babs during my soaps! She is SO last century! And who do you suppose we had to listen to at our wedding? SORRY! I just refuse to listen ever again."

"Oh, just listen to her whine!" said John, shoving Gary aside and grabbing a CNN microphone. "I did everything I could to make our home a happy and nurturing place, and all she cares about is watching Trading Spaces hour after hour. How many times do you suppose we've gone out in the last month? ZEEE-ROOO! I used to feel so wanted and special, and now I feel just so unloved and empty. And fat. I'm retaining water like the Hoover dam, my ankles are killing me, and I just..."

John then threw the microphone down, buried his face in his hands and ran off, sobbing, with Gary screaming, "Oh, tuck your freaking blouse in, Mary! I'm hurting too, y'know!" Regaining his composure, Gary said, "He is SUCH a drama queen. It's like this every night." Gary then began sobbing into his attorney's shoulder, saying "Oh, God, I don't want to live!"

"Thank God they didn't have children," said John's attorney. "Situations like this are always tough on the kids."

Mark Fisher

[happygrl]

Bongo News.

Parody, Jokes, Satire.

[FourtySeven]

Bump for Bongo.

Who wants to bet that this will come to pass soon enough though? I have little doubt. I also don't doubt the quotes in this article will be true to life.

Truth and fiction go hand in hand sometimes.

[King Black Robe]

LOL!

[GovernmentShrinker]

Even though it's satire, it's hardly any more ridiculous than Britney Spears' very real and perfectly legal recent marriage and annulment.

Get the government out of ALL marriages!

[martin_fierro]

Opposites attract.

These two had way, waaaay too much in common.

[Old Professer]

Actually, the author is onto something here; nothing would cement the notion of gay marriage better than a legal gay divorce.

[nina0113]

>>Who wants to bet that this will come to pass soon enough though? <<

It already has, in Vermont. http://www.cnn.com/2003/LAW/05/20/findlaw.analysis.grossman.civilunions.txt/

[RetiredArmy]

Oh, this is too rich. I cannot stop laughing at this looney thing. Fat ankles, oh, stop it, tears are in my eyes. Drama queen, "her????". Oh, stop it, stop it. I cannot stop laughing. I was wondering who would be the first to blow up in one of these. These two loosers are the first I guess.

[Trillian]

Heh if this was for real, all they'd have to say is, "You were never really "married" to begin with, go your seperate ways."

[lilylangtree]

Ying & Yang on a publicity trip trying to grab their 15 seconds of fame. Sheesh!

[Lunatic Fringe]

Oh, this is too rich. I cannot stop laughing at this looney thing. Fat ankles, oh, stop it, tears are in my eyes. Drama queen, "her????". Oh, stop it, stop it. I cannot stop laughing. I was wondering who would be the first to blow up in one of these. These two loosers are the first I guess.

Ummm...

[skinkinthegrass]

Bongo News....Parody, Jokes, Satire.

I know...but, All the divorce lawyers are rejoicing...it was all about the $$$$.

[swarthyguy]

Wait till lawyers, both straight and gay, get a taste of the lucrative gay divorce pie.

It's gonna make KramervKramer and WaroftheRoses look like Disney.

[RightOnline]

Too funny....................and only a matter of time. :)

[UnklGene]

[Pearls Before Swine]

Parody aside, we'll be hearing "I caught him with another man" with increasing frequency.

[Just another Joe]

And I wanted SO MUCH for this to be true.

[<1/1,000,000th%]

"Like many newlyweds, they have rushed into things without realizing how much marriage really sucks."

Don't even start.

[Paleo Conservative]

I think this is a set up. The court in which this case is filed should throw the case out of court, because the state of California does not recognize "gay marriage". According to California state law, two adults of the same sex can not marry each other. Theses two are not married so how can they be divorced? For a court to even hear this case legitimizes the concept of "gay marriage".