Need Help From Freeper Females (vanity)

4/21/2004 | Jaysun

[Jaysun]

Some of the guys and I are presently at the camping lodge and we’ve got a problem that requires the help of a sensible woman. My brother-in-law managed to get something in his hair this morning, and he wanted to wash it out. I can’t tell you what that something was, because he’s refused to divulge that to us thus far (I suspect that he fabricated the “tainted hair” theory to save himself some embarrassment.)

My brother-in-law believes that his wife has, at some point, told him that peanut butter is a useful household hair cleaner / conditioner. His wife animately denied ever saying anything about peanut butter, and thinks that he must have confused it with mayonnaise. Anyway, this guy has gone from a docile gentlemen to a ranting idiot and he’s now in a state of full blown panic.

Please provide us with any suggestions that you may have for removing peanut butter from hair. If possible, we’d like to know of any “home remedies” that may work – we’re in a fairly remote location and nobody is willing to go to the store. Besides looking ridiculous, he smells horrible. Here’s what we’ve tried so far:

A) Tried to “melt” it away by pouring very hot water over his head. This basically resulted in mild burns to his neck and scalp.
B) Made a makeshift shower cap out of a Wal-Mart bag, taped it around his head to make it watertight, and poured beer in a small hole at the top. He let it soak for about an hour to no avail.

Anything that you can suggest would be most appreciated.

Jaysun

[Nataku X]

groan... I'll believe that you made all this up unless you provide a picture of yourself with your bare chest combover w/ fake hair spray...

[Politicalmom]

I have had my kids do that, too. I am usually panicking, because I am watching the fingertip turn purple....

I could fill a book. We refer to our "annual emergency room visit". With four kids and a clutzy Mom, it is sometimes more often than that!!

[Conservative4Ever]

You guys must have taken your idiot pills this morning...seriously though...Dawn dishwashing detergent will do the job.

Red

[Jaysun]

Personally, I think he should have worn the hair as uhhhh an orange badge of valour and a testimony of group caring and brotherhood

Maybe you're right. Shouldn't he be able to use his lumpy, pasty white, slightly injured head in the same manner?

[general_re]

what were a group of men doing in the woods with 2 maxi pads?

LOL! Well, you just never know when you'll be out in the woods, and that little monthly visitor will stop in ;)

Actually, it's a story of idiots at camp that Jaysun can share with his brother-in-law, and maybe he won't feel so bad about hs hair. Anyway, we didn't bring the pads with us - my buddy inherited the place from his parents, and they were left over from his mother way back when, just gathering dust. They'd been there a while too - judging by the package, they had to be 30 years old, at least, and they were these massive, pillow-like things. I don't know why we decided we needed a torch, since we were only up there for the day, my friend and I - we went up ahead of time to split some wood for the next year - and it was 3:00 in the afternoon anyway, so it wasn't exactly dark yet.

Be that as it may, we took two of these pillows, stripped off the wax paper on the back, and wrapped them around a handy stick, sticking them around the end in a semi-torchlike fashion. Soak the pads in kerosene, and voila - instant torch, right?

Wrong. See, what we didn't know at the time, being men and all, was that those things are made of a lot of plastic wrapped around more plastic, with plastic inside, and maybe some cotton or something in there somewhere. What can I say? I don't have a lot of personal experience with maxi pads. Anyway, the natural result of all this burning plastic was that little bits of flaming plastic started dripping off of the thing. Normally, you would take thing over and douse it, and that would be the end of it, but unfortunately for my friend, directly under the flaming plastic, and right in the path of the drips, was his hand as it was holding the "torch". So naturally, bits of flaming plastic dripped right onto his hand, and began burning it.

That was bad enough. But now the problem was, purely instinctively, he started shaking his hand around to try shaking this burning plastic off of it. Again, normally this would be his problem alone, but that was the hand still holding our "torch", like I said. So now, instead of plastic just dripping sedately onto the ground, as he's shaking his hand violently to put it out, he's flinging little bits of flaming plastic everywhere.

Finally, the inevitable end result happened - the flame softened the pads to the point where his shaking cause the whole wad to slide off (fly off, really) the end of the stick, whereupon this baseball-sized wad of sticky, flaming maxi pads landed directly...on his shoe.

Okay, now stop and mentally picture the scene for a moment - here's my friend dancing around like a madman, with a smoldering stick in one hand, that same hand on fire, and now his foot is on fire as well.

Now, up until this point, I was just sort of sitting back and taking all this in - you don't get to see something like this every day, after all - but when his shoe caught on fire, I very clearly remember the thought going through my head that, hey, maybe I ought to be doing something here. Which was immediately followed by the evil thought of, no, let's wait a minute and see how this plays out.

Fortunately, I overcame that evil thought and finally got moving, helping him to put out his foot by doing the first thing that came to mind - stomping on it, work boots and all. Luckily, this all happened fast enough that his foot and hand were only slightly burned - the shoe was totaled, as I recall - and with only minor damage to the surrounding area.

So, the moral of the story is, you cannot make a torch out of maxi pads and a stick, kids. Trust me, I've seen it tried, and the results are not what you might expect. Interesting, but not what you would expect ;)

[Jaysun]

Bump to see the Pictures...BTW my girlfriend is asking about the shower pictures...

hehehe. Great Scott man we're not a bunch of homosexual pornographers. He wore a pair of boxer-briefs and an undershirt during the entire time that we were torturing him. Besides, if his naked head is any indication, his nude body would immediately induce vomiting anyway.

[Nataku X]

Well, he's about 40-50 years younger and 60 pounds less... but as for the hair, believe it or not, his hairstyle looked worse than that...

but I should emphasize that we're still dating, and if my biggest complaint was his hair, then that makes me the luckiest girl in the world. Bad hairstyle or not, he's always been very handsome, he's a hard worker, has plenty of family values, and he's a gourmet cook too.

[Conservative4Ever]

Oh God...this is sooooo funny. I am laughing so hard I might pee my pants. Men behaving badly. LOLOLOL

Red

[Jaysun]

This thread is too funny! Poor ol' dude. Give him my sympathies, and tell him that we're laughing with him, not at him. :}

I'll be happy to pass him the message but I don't think that it's necessary. He's very aware of the fact that the people here with him are laughing directly at him and not with him. I think that he's grown accustomed it.

[Jaysun]

Thanks. See post 463

[hellinahandcart]

I don't think maxipads have been made out of cotton in my lifetime, general. Nylon is the closest thing to a natural fiber in those things. And nylon melts, as you discovered.

[Jaysun]

groan... I'll believe that you made all this up unless you provide a picture of yourself with your bare chest combover w/ fake hair spray...

That's a little kinky don't you think? Shouldn't we at least have dinner first? Actually, I admit that what I said about having a bald chest and using my underarm hair as a comb-over to create the illusion isn't true. That would have to be some very long underarm hair. I just couldn't resist, so I had to say it.

[Jaysun]

You guys must have taken your idiot pills this morning...seriously though...Dawn dishwashing detergent will do the job.

Thanks Red. Dawn did do the job. See post 463

[1Old Pro]

Try rubbing fluffenutter in the hair.

[general_re]

The sad part is, we weren't even drinking that day, which is usually the culprit when things get fouled up at camp - instead, we very soberly, studiously decided to make a torch, for some reason ;)

[general_re]

And nylon melts, as you discovered.

Yes, I know that. Now.

;)

[Quix]

LOLx10

WOW!

What a story.

Thanks.

Good to share on this thread, too, for the egos involved!

[getmeouttaPalmBeachCounty_FL]

OH --- MY --- GOSH ------

The poor guy's head must be absolutely raw and oozing. Has anyone talked with his wife?

Maybe someone could send this thread over to The Donald -- the king of all combovers.

Please, add me to the ping list. I have to see how this all turns out.

[Quix]

Maybe you're right. Shouldn't he be able to use his lumpy, pasty white, slightly injured head in the same manner?

PERHAPS SO!

But only IF some clever, talented dude draws a suitable ANTIKOMMIEKERRY CARTOON on top of it! Perhaps you could rent the space to the Bush campaign?

[Lima_Two_Zero_Alpha]

I cannot believe this thread is still going. I was up until 2am last night LMAO and keeping my wife awake. She was not nearly as amused as I was.