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Half-Baked (Freeper Doctor Raoul makes the NY Observer)
The New York Observer ^ | 4/26/04 | George Gurley

Posted on 04/29/2004 3:10:43 PM PDT by abner

If you click on the link, you will get the cached page.

Here is the snippet of the article from The Observer.

Half-Baked

The two goals of a bake sale benefiting the left-wing grassroots organization MoveOn.org on the afternoon of April 17 were to "bake back the White House" (in other words, regime change) and to make it into the Guinness Book of World Records as the greatest bake sale ever. Three hours into it, a line was still stretching around the block from Teany, Moby’s vegan café on the Lower East Side, and by the time it was over, 1,500 customers had purchased $10,000 worth of baked goods at simultaneous bake sales nationwide. A total of $750,000 was raised. (Since that day, the powers that be at Guinness have decided not to designate anyone for the "biggest bake sale" category.)

Among the celebrity draws on Rivington Street were Al Sharpton, Janeane Garofalo, comedian David Cross, glam-rock star Rene Risque, John Cameron Mitchell of Hedwig fame and restaurateur Rocco DiSpirito, who were all toiling under a sign that read "A Village in Texas is Missing Its Idiot."

But getting the most attention was Al Franken.

"Tell the truth, Al, keep telling the truth!" someone hollered at him as he licked some more frosting off his fingers. According to two sources (event organizer Laura Dawn and investigative reporter Greg Palast), Mr. Franken had at times that day eaten more than he was worth.

But the satirist and liberal radio host was working hard, selling cupcakes, brownies, cookies, shaking hands, signing autographs. So he took a breather across the street and crouched down outside a bodega. There, he was asked about President Bush’s recent press conference.

"I was shocked," he said. "The emperor has no clothes. This is a guy who could not talk on his feet. Obviously, he has no depth of knowledge."

He continued on about his latest U.S.O. tour to Iraq, but something was distracting him: a guy nearby wearing a Saddam Hussein mask, an oversized "Ace of Spades" shirt and a sign that read "Save Me, Vote Democrat." Mr. Franken, who was wearing a button that read "Re-defeat Bush," heard the man say something about Jamie Gorelick, the controversial former Clinton Justice Department official serving on the 9/11 commission.

"Uh, I gotta argue with this guy for a minute," Mr. Franken said, getting up.

"I just want to say hi to this guy. Hi, how are you? You want to discuss Jamie Gorelick?"

"Well, I want a Jamie Gorelick muffin, but I want it grilled, not half-baked," said the man, who sounded a lot like sleight-of-hand artist and Mamet-movie regular Ricky Jay. (It wasn’t him; the man identified himself as Raoul.) Mr. Franken gently placed a hand on his shoulder.

"Would you like to discuss—"

"Uh, keep your hands off me, please. You have no right to put your hands on people, Al."

"O.K. Would you like to discuss Jamie Gorelick?"

"I want a Jamie Gorelick muffin grilled, not half-baked," Raoul said again.

By now, there were several dozen people encircling the two men. Cameras were clicking and videotape rolling for a documentary on Mr. Franken, who explained to Raoul that Ms. Gorelick had "simply codified rules that were already in place during Reagan and Bush I, and that John Ashcroft had reaffirmed those same rules."

"So you’re asking for a Jamie Gorelick—"

"Grilled muffin," Raoul said. "Grilled Jamie Gorelick muffin. Not half-baked."

"You can say that over and over again, but it’s not responsive to my point."

"I want a Jamie Gorelick muffin grilled. I don’t want a half-baked Jamie Gorelick muffin. A half-baked Jamie Gorelick muffin is hazardous to your health. Your Jamie Gorelick must be grilled."

"Hey Al, I read your book—it was great!" someone yelled.

Mr. Franken thanked Raoul for his time and started walking over to his fans.

"Al, Al!" Raoul yelled. "Your audience just tripled. Air America’s ratings have doubled!" But Mr. Franken didn’t hear him. With the crowd following him, he’d moved on to go sell some more cupcakes.

—George Gurley

(Excerpt) Read more at 64.233.167.104 ...


TOPICS: Activism/Chapters; Announcements; Crime/Corruption; Miscellaneous; News/Current Events; Political Humor/Cartoons; Politics/Elections
KEYWORDS: alfranken; bakesale; gorelick

1 posted on 04/29/2004 3:10:43 PM PDT by abner
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To: Doctor Raoul
Ping!
2 posted on 04/29/2004 3:11:25 PM PDT by abner (FREE THE MIRANDA MEMOS! http://www.intelmemo.com or http://www.wintersoldier.com)
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To: holdonnow
Ping!
3 posted on 04/29/2004 3:13:12 PM PDT by abner (FREE THE MIRANDA MEMOS! http://www.intelmemo.com or http://www.wintersoldier.com)
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To: abner
BWAHAHAHAH Dr.Raoul is my HERO!
4 posted on 04/29/2004 3:14:44 PM PDT by cyborg
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To: abner
I have to believe that Dan's Bake Sale Must hold the record for the largest bake sale ever. LOL
5 posted on 04/29/2004 3:15:56 PM PDT by Dave_in_Upland (this is hugh, in a reel series weigh)
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To: abner
LOL! BTTT.
6 posted on 04/29/2004 3:17:17 PM PDT by hattend (Give a monthly FR donation so we can end the stupid fundraisers - I'm at $40 per mo)
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To: Doctor Raoul
why didn't you make a citizen's arrest for battery?
7 posted on 04/29/2004 3:20:48 PM PDT by ambrose (AP Headline: "Kerry Says His 'Family' Owns SUV, Not He")
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To: abner; Doctor Raoul
"Well, I want a Jamie Gorelick muffin, but I want it grilled, not half-baked,"

Franken wishes he could come up with lines that clever. :oD

8 posted on 04/29/2004 3:21:23 PM PDT by alnick (Mrs. Heinz-Kerry's husband wants teh-rayz-ah your taxes.)
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To: abner
Bwahahahahah. The Doc strikes again!
9 posted on 04/29/2004 3:21:54 PM PDT by Dan from Michigan ("The bigger they are, the harder they fall" - John L Sullivan)
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To: ambrose
Or call the Animal Control...never know what fleas and other critters may have lept from Frankenfurter to his poor shoulder.
10 posted on 04/29/2004 3:23:30 PM PDT by cyborg
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To: abner
The image of Saddam Hussein telling Al Franken to keep his hands off of him just cracks me up. Thank you Dr. Raoul!
11 posted on 04/29/2004 3:23:52 PM PDT by Typelouder
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To: abner; Doctor Raoul
Doctor Raoul-you are my hero!
12 posted on 04/29/2004 3:52:39 PM PDT by Mich0127 (Massachusetts: the land of the pathetic..namely Kerry and Kennedy!)
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To: abner; Doctor Raoul
According to two sources (event organizer Laura Dawn and investigative reporter Greg Palast), Mr. Franken had at times that day eaten more than he was worth.

This was my FAVORITE line from the story because it was a dig at what a big fat idiot Al really is. Wonder if he actually paid for what he ate. Probably since they made $750,000. $3.00 was from all the other nationwide sales. The rest was what Franken ate.

Nice freep Doctor Raoul

13 posted on 04/29/2004 4:08:56 PM PDT by BushisTheMan
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To: abner
LOLOLOL.
14 posted on 04/29/2004 4:17:47 PM PDT by Stentor
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To: abner
WOULD YOU BUY A MUFFIN FROM THIS MAN?


15 posted on 04/29/2004 4:43:07 PM PDT by JOE6PAK ("The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits." - Albert Einstein)
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To: abner
BUMP!!
16 posted on 04/29/2004 4:44:12 PM PDT by The Mayor (Don't let tragedy steal your trust in God.)
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To: abner
Certainly an inspiring story. Thanks for posting it.
17 posted on 04/29/2004 5:07:42 PM PDT by syriacus (If getting 3 Purple Hearts got Kerry OUT of Vietnam, returning them should have sent him back.)
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To: abner
Why do we never have a videocam at these moments! Thanks for the post, abner.

Doctor Raoul -- fantastic job and great line -- "A half-baked Jamie Gorelick muffin is hazardous to your health. Your Jamie Gorelick must be grilled."

I agree -- Jamie Gorelick must be grilled about her actions or inactions that led to the breakdown in intelligence and ultimately to 9-11.
18 posted on 04/29/2004 5:17:07 PM PDT by Angelwood (FReepers are Everywhere! We Support Our Troops! (Hillary's Vast Rt Wg Conspiracy))
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To: ambrose
why didn't you make a citizen's arrest for battery?

I think I'd have to say that Al scared me and he didn't. After all, Franken was punched out by Alan Clomes two years ago at the White House Correspondent's Dinner. Gave him a bloody nose I seem to recall.

19 posted on 04/29/2004 5:37:53 PM PDT by Doctor Raoul (How can they call it a "Peace March" when they unconditionally support those who kill our soldiers?)
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To: Typelouder
The image of Saddam Hussein telling Al Franken to keep his hands off of him just cracks me up.

Now that you mention it, that cracks me up too. Didn't think about that, good observation.

20 posted on 04/29/2004 5:39:23 PM PDT by Doctor Raoul (How can they call it a "Peace March" when they unconditionally support those who kill our soldiers?)
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To: BushisTheMan
Thanks, we were kidding the MoveOn Bake Sale from around the corner that came over to work the line at this one, poaching customers as it were. I told the gal, "These are Kerry supporters. If you want them to come to you, tell them you will charge twice as much tax."

I was also saying, "The muffins are free. That $3.00 you just paid is pure Kerry taxes."

21 posted on 04/29/2004 5:43:08 PM PDT by Doctor Raoul (How can they call it a "Peace March" when they unconditionally support those who kill our soldiers?)
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To: JOE6PAK

Alwauys throughly grill
your Gorelick because a
half baked Gorelick can
have deadly consequences.

22 posted on 04/29/2004 5:45:41 PM PDT by Doctor Raoul (How can they call it a "Peace March" when they unconditionally support those who kill our soldiers?)
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To: abner; firebrand; kristinn
A few other things that happaned that day.

I saw that MOveOn had a number of Bake Sales in the Philly area, most inside the city, for that Saturday. I asked for abner's professional assistance. She took the concept and professionally made the "KERRY'S WAFFLE HOUSE" sign, one letter per yellow block and added a tag line below "FREE FLIP FLOP WITH EVERY WAFFLE". It was about four foot by two and a half foot. Looks great.

Anyway, that Saturday morning, after reading of all the geeks that would be at Moby's restaurant, I figured, let's "Go Downtown" to the heart of enemy held territory. While in transit, I called kristinn who passed along my plans to firebrand. Since I have no long term memory, and left my address book behind, kristinn was vital to the cause.

The lower tunnel was backed up about 40 minutes it seemed. Once in Manhattan, it took 30 minutes to find it in the maze of lower Manhattan. Basically got into the general area and started a square search till I hit a street I knew was close to the event. Passed it almost immediately and I found a place to park without having to pay, THEIR VIP PARKING!!!!

I'm "combat loaded" so what I need is on top of the heap. I park, grab and I'm lost in the crowd. Hiding in plain sight. I turn the corner and decide to stay across the narrow street and just past the entrance. That way the entire line and those inside have a view of "KERRY'S WAFFLE HOUSE".

People are on the same side watching what's going on across the street and some are sitting on steps. A few pull typically liberal stunts.

23 posted on 04/29/2004 6:12:39 PM PDT by Doctor Raoul (How can they call it a "Peace March" when they unconditionally support those who kill our soldiers?)
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To: Doctor Raoul
One guy starts a fake laugh and goes into a lecture that I'm a millionaire that has sold my soul to Bush. His acting was terrible, so I ignored him, as did a lot of people. He got VERY frustrated and left in a huff.

I girl and a guy are watching and he's grinning. She makes a comment about my shirt that seems to be a "MEAN PEOPLE SUCK" shirt. The comment is meant to deman me, but I move over the vest I'm wearing to expose the word "DEAN'S" which makes it now read "DEAN'S MEAN PEOPLE SUCK" and she liteally has a spasm, a violent, very pronounced spasm.

I say, "You're not a Dean supporter are you?" and she shoots me a glare that screams almost as loudly as Howie, "YES!!!" So I say, "You ARE a Dean suppoeter....let me make you feel at home....YeeeeOOOOWWWWWWW"

Her date laughs out loud and his chances for something-something that evening are now nothing-nothing.

24 posted on 04/29/2004 6:18:27 PM PDT by Doctor Raoul (How can they call it a "Peace March" when they unconditionally support those who kill our soldiers?)
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To: abner
" a guy nearby wearing a Saddam Hussein mask, an over sized Ace of Spades shirt , and a sign that read Save me, Vote Democrat

ROTFL! Way to go.

25 posted on 04/29/2004 6:32:00 PM PDT by fly_so_free (Never under estimate the treachery of the democrat party-Save USA vote a dem out of office)
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To: Doctor Raoul
Another guy, grossly unwashed and with bad piercings comes up and asks, "How long have you been a dick?" I heard it, but I calmly say, "Pardon me, I didn't hear you with the mask on." He repeats and I say, "Well, it's like Kerry's billion vote, I was a dick before I wasn't a dick." He sputteers a bit and I do another riff on that flip flop theme. The guy's fuming and cursing, so I hold up one finger in a "hold that thought" gesture and dig into my pocket for a tape recorder. When the guy realizes what it is, her recoils as if it were a gun.

I say, "That was so enlightening, I'd like to get that down correctly for the historical record." Instead of making his case, he leans forward and belches. I reply, "You did better with your arguement this time."

A few people, either college journalists or perhaps Indy Media types told the guy to chill out when he really got soun up. They reminded him that people have a right NOT to be bullied into silence by fascists. So lacking support, he wanders off.

That all pretty much happened after firebrand showed up. She arrived not all that long after I did and while having forgotten about my call to kristinn, I wasn't surprised to see her. I figured she came down on her own to check out the liberals in their native habitat. So she took the sign and I was Saddam Hussein in an "Ace of Spades" costume.

Liberals live and die with peer pressure, so it's very common that they try it to make you question your effectiveness in hopes that you'll leave early. Liberals just don't get it. At least at a minimum we always get one who says of our signs, "I don't get it."

Well a surprising number DO get it and were readily laughing at the "SAVE ME - VOTE DEMOCRAT" sign and the "WAFFLE HOUSE one. Even got a "high five" from a MOveOn customer.

A lot of thire followers have no clue, no understanding. Because I was cooler than the MoveOn event, they liked me as it were. I even made a "New Best Friend", a guy wearing a shirt mocking Cheney. But my "COPS CHEER" button was funnier. I gave it to him and he and his friends were laughing their asses off. We were cooler that Janeane and Al so he was now on our side.

26 posted on 04/29/2004 6:33:28 PM PDT by Doctor Raoul (How can they call it a "Peace March" when they unconditionally support those who kill our soldiers?)
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To: abner
...who were all toiling under a sign that read "A Village in Texas is Missing Its Idiot."

And apparently, it's the idiot who can't spell "Somewhere".


27 posted on 04/29/2004 6:36:14 PM PDT by tdadams (If there were no problems, politicians would have to invent them... wait, they already do.)
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To: Doctor Raoul
Funny how the partons walked in the street as if it was a block party. The kids from the restaurant had a hell of a time keeping them from getting run over. Had I brought my megaphone along, I would have gladly loaned it to MoveOn so they could keep people out of harm's way. Getting hit by a car, even a slow moving one sucks.
28 posted on 04/29/2004 6:36:31 PM PDT by Doctor Raoul (How can they call it a "Peace March" when they unconditionally support those who kill our soldiers?)
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To: tdadams
the idiot who can't spell "Somewhere" IS A TEACHER!?!?!?!?!?

CSEA stands for C.... S..... Educational Association?

29 posted on 04/29/2004 6:38:15 PM PDT by Doctor Raoul (How can they call it a "Peace March" when they unconditionally support those who kill our soldiers?)
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To: Doctor Raoul
That entire freep sounds hilarious. You have the BEST retorts. Do you think them up in advance?
30 posted on 04/29/2004 6:40:51 PM PDT by Feiny (Happiness is subversive to liberals)
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To: tdadams
Civil Service Employees (State).

Oh yeah, I want these guys running my health care...

31 posted on 04/29/2004 6:41:07 PM PDT by Doctor Raoul (How can they call it a "Peace March" when they unconditionally support those who kill our soldiers?)
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To: feinswinesuksass
Do you think them up in advance?

Unfortunately not. Usually don't have the time. The funniest ones are the ones I forget to use usually.

For the Correspondent's Dinner I wrote a few i the car.

Mike Allen is getting a big award for "Turkeygate", the "fake" turkey in Baghdad. So I'll riff that next year the Washington Post will win a Pulitzer because Mike Allen is doing a story on Chicken McNuggets.

32 posted on 04/29/2004 6:44:23 PM PDT by Doctor Raoul (How can they call it a "Peace March" when they unconditionally support those who kill our soldiers?)
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To: Doctor Raoul
I'm not sure, but the union is AFSCME, the union that endorsed Dean... no, wait, endoresed Kerry, until they decide to endorse someone else yet again.
33 posted on 04/29/2004 6:50:20 PM PDT by tdadams (If there were no problems, politicians would have to invent them... wait, they already do.)
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To: feinswinesuksass
MIke Allen's "Turkeygate" is a big nothing, but he's the best they have.

The scandal is that the bird Bush picked up was never served to the troops AND.....the troops were served their turkey from STEAM TRAYS.

EARTH TO WASHINGTON POST,...COME IN WASHINGTON POST...it's a chow hall in a combat zone. They ALWAYS eat from a steam tray.

Had Bush never come over, they'd still get served from a steam tray, had the UN been running Iraq, they'd still get served from a steam tray. IT'S A CHOW HALL.

And on another note, had they served that turkey, carved it up and dished it out, the Washington Post would have a screaming headline "BUSH SERVES UNSAFE TURKEY". After all, there are sanitary food regulations that govern how long you can "display" food and still eat it.

About 80% of restaurants in Japan use "display food". It simplies selection for the customer. FUDDRUCKERS does the same thing around here in the Northeast. Morton's Steakhouse has a "menu cart". Stayed tuned to the Washington Post for their next breathless follow up to TURKEYGATE.

34 posted on 04/29/2004 6:51:45 PM PDT by Doctor Raoul (How can they call it a "Peace March" when they unconditionally support those who kill our soldiers?)
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To: ambrose
lol
35 posted on 04/29/2004 7:05:43 PM PDT by rwfromkansas ("Am I not destroying my enemies when I make friends of them?" -- Abraham Lincoln)
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To: tdadams
He also can't spell "its."
36 posted on 04/29/2004 7:33:41 PM PDT by Norman Conquest (What happened to theAmerican dream? You're looking at it.)
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To: JOE6PAK
"DemonRATs use Yahoo! to look up...uh...illegal funraising scams for their left-wing causes, laundering foreign money to be used to influence an American election, and to support Maxist solidarity with the terrorists in Iraq!"

"...ooops, can we edit that last part out? God, I'm really stupid, talentless, and unfunny!"

37 posted on 04/29/2004 8:15:47 PM PDT by Itzlzha (The avalanche has already started...it is too late for the pebbles to vote!)
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To: abner
Dr. Raoul YOU'RE AWESOME...! ;)
38 posted on 04/29/2004 8:46:44 PM PDT by gaijin
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To: Doctor Raoul
By now, there were several dozen people encircling the two men. Cameras were clicking and videotape rolling for a documentary on Mr. Franken, who explained to Raoul that Ms. Gorelick had "simply codified rules that were already in place during Reagan and Bush I, and that John Ashcroft had reaffirmed those same rules."

So thats why he didnt tackle you to the ground with some sort of wrestling hold...there were too many people watching and taping.

39 posted on 04/29/2004 9:17:07 PM PDT by lowbridge ("You are an American. You are my brother. I would die for you." -Kurdish Sergeant)
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To: Doctor Raoul
When you are dressed up like Saddam Hussein, do you have a hard time keeping Democrat donors and UN bureaucrats from reaching in your pockets for oil vouchers?
40 posted on 04/30/2004 12:03:05 AM PDT by piasa (Attitude adjustments offered here free of charge)
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To: Doctor Raoul
BIG BUMP with a side order of Biggie Fries.
41 posted on 04/30/2004 12:10:55 AM PDT by GeronL ("We are beyond right and wrong" the scariest words from the radical left.)
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To: Doctor Raoul
You realize, of course, that Kerry is just shooting for the Dem's VP nomination...

The way they're going, Kofi Annan is going to be their pick for the top of the Democrat ticket.

42 posted on 04/30/2004 12:14:40 AM PDT by piasa (Attitude adjustments offered here free of charge)
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To: Doctor Raoul
I hope you are keeping notes. You could write the book on making mince meat out of the opposition. Thanks for your contributions, to right, reason, common sense, freedom, liberty, and a thousand other ideas lost in the vast waste land of liberalism.
43 posted on 04/30/2004 5:57:39 AM PDT by wita (truthspeaks@freerepublic.com)
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To: gaijin
Thanks, long time no see. How's "The General"?

The Saddam outfit is neat, but no match for "The General".

44 posted on 04/30/2004 4:09:20 PM PDT by Doctor Raoul (How can they call it a "Peace March" when they unconditionally support those who kill our soldiers?)
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To: Doctor Raoul
Cameras were clicking and videotape rolling for a documentary on Mr. Franken, who explained to Raoul that Ms. Gorelick had "simply codified rules that were already in place during Reagan and Bush I, and that John Ashcroft had reaffirmed those same rules."
"(W)e believe that it is prudent to establish a set of instructions that will clearly separate the counterintelligence investigation from the more limited, but continued, criminal investigations. These procedures, which go beyond what is legally required, will prevent any risk of creating an unwarranted appearance that FISA (Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Act) is being used to avoid procedural safeguards which would apply in a criminal investigation." - Jamie Gorelick, 1995

45 posted on 04/30/2004 4:41:39 PM PDT by conservatism_IS_compassion (Home(page) is where the (political) heart is.)
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To: lowbridge; Doctor Raoul
Mr. Franken, who explained to Raoul that . . . John Ashcroft had reaffirmed those same rules."
If the question is whether Ashcroft was wrong in not instantly negating all rule changes made during the Clinton Administration, the answer is "Yes."

But then, Bush doesn't have a partisan bone in his body, and the Senate Democrats had tried everything - even unto complaining about the fact that Senator Ashcroft (a former state prosecutor and governor) is a devout Christian - to drum up opposition to him and to "put him on notice" not to be too Christian or too Republican.

So your point, Mr. Franken, is exactly what?


46 posted on 04/30/2004 4:55:17 PM PDT by conservatism_IS_compassion (Home(page) is where the (political) heart is.)
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