TOP SATIRICAL HEADLINES (Iconoclast)

ICONOCLAST ^ | WILLIAM GRIM, et al

[Apolitical]

KERRY ALLOWANCE CUT IN ANTICIPATION OF KERRY TAX HIKES



BOSTON -- Democrat presidential hopeful John Kerry was embarrassed yesterday at Le Cirque 2000 restaurant in Manhattan when his Platinum American Express charge card was rejected for payment. Fortunately, his Secret Service detail was able to come up with enough cash to pay the $857.23 tab for the "Workingman's Special" of coquilles St. Jacques, pot au feu, and two bottles of Mouton Rothschilds 1967.

Iconoclast has learned that Senator Kerry's credit limit has been severely restricted by his billionaire wife Teresa Heinz-Kerry. According to sources close to the couple, Heinz-Kerry is irate over her husband's proposal to raise taxes and has cut her husband's weekly allowance by more than 75%, supposedly to make up for the additional taxes she would have to pay if her husband wins the election.

This is not the first time that the Kerrys have clashed over money. In 1995, Heinz-Kerry threw her husband out of their Boston mansion and cancelled his credit card privileges. For an entire week, the Senator was forced to survive on his Senate salary and with no valet.

In related news, at a campaign rally today in Chevy Chase, Maryland, Senator Kerry denounced President Bush for sending American troops to Iraq without adequate supplies of pate de fois grois, escargot and champagne......

[Apolitical]

Satire as it was meant to be -- biting, outrageous and anti- liberal establishment!

[OB1kNOb]

October 15, 2004
Dan Blather reporting: This just in.......

Confidential news sources from Broward County have today confirmed and reported that Floriduh has just declared John F. Kerry the winner of that state's 2004 presidential election.....huh?....this is wha?.....uh....stay tuned for more news regarding final poll results.