Iowahawk: More Positive Thoughts for Moping Moonbats

iowahawk blog | 11/5/04 | Dave Burge

[IowaHawk]

Yipes! Looks like this whole America-healing thing has been a bit slower than earlier anticipated. We here at Iowahawk are all about keeping hope alive, so here's fresh batch of positives to keep our progressive friends warm during the upcoming Rovian ice age:

• When you dig into the demographics of the red states, the first thing that jumps out is their huge population growth and birth rates. With so many uncontrolled herds of screaming babies running underfoot in places like Utah and Texas, eventually these people will have to start clamoring for abortion rights.

• Money is the lifeblood of politics, and Democrats were able to establish a solid fundraising network in 2004. This will stand you in good stead in future elections. When you go back to George Soros and Steve Bing in 2008 and ask them for another $150 million, make sure you point out all the successes you accomplished this year.

• Sure, Canada is cold and bleak, with staggering unemployment rates. But they have free health insurance, and unlike the Amerikkkan Nazi f***tard hellhole, nobody in Canada is going to question your patriotism.

• Mandate? Puh-leeze! 60 million votes represents only 20% of the U.S. population, and barely more than the population of France!

• On an up note, Democratic efforts to increase voter turnout was a major success story in 2004. Progressives have shown that they know how to get first-timers and young people to the polling booth. Next time, you can work on the problem of making them vote for you.

• The election is mercifully over, so we can finally refocus our attention on the valid barometers of American opinion, like John Zogby and Michael Moore.

• Kerry's lack of success in the South was largely due to the fact that Southerners are uneducated and often 'slow.' Studies have found that special needs students often learn better through repetition, so it will be important to continually remind Southerners that they are violent inbred monkey-people.

• With the elections completed, the New York Times points out that governing requires compromise, and therefore Bush must strike a concilliatory tone and reach across the aisle. When he does, remain very still, until the last moment, and then... BAM! That's when you can get him.

• The election has provided the progressive movement with a number of key learning points. For instance, it is clear that American voters are not swayed by condescending celebrities. In future campaigns, tell the celebrities to emphasize other important emotions, like anger and contempt. 

• When I was a teenager, I was once jilted by a girl that I thought I loved -- and I thought loved me. Just when I thought I would never get over the heartbreak, my mom told me that "we all have a soulmate, you just have to find them." Keep in mind there's a special country out there, somewhere, who loves you, and is waiting for you to love them and govern them, regardless of what the restraining order says.

[IowaHawk]

Choosy newsies choose

[IowaHawk]

Choosy newsies choose Iowahawk

[martin_fierro]

I, for one, am concerned.

[SE Mom]

Speechless...

[cavtrooper21]

Thoughts for the Dim-no-rats to ponder.

[AppyPappy]

Why You Lost.

Reality #1: You passed on Howard Dean to get John Kerry. That's like dropping a college class on Oral Sex and picking up The History of Laundry.

Reality#2: You picked David Cassidy for VP. Whose idea was that? Were you hoping to appeal to women? No way. Edwards is so far in the closet, he's finding the Christmas presents.

Reality#3: When Kerry said he voted for the funding before he voted against it, Karl Rove looked like he just went home with a mute, rich nymphomaniac with a beer distributorship.

Reality#4: All of America looked at Teresa Heinz Kerry as First Lady and wondered if she was one martini away from an international incident. Like handing her coat to Vicente Fox and telling him to go finish trimming the hollies.

[KC_Conspirator]

You crack me up.

[kevkrom]

nobody in Canada is going to question your patriotism

That is, unless you actually happen to have some...

[TrueKnightGalahad]

mute, rich nymphomaniac with a beer distributorship

Do y'know where I can git ME one o'them? An kin I git a huntin' license too? :-)

[Gingersnap]

"...so it will be important to continually remind Southerners that they are violent inbred monkey-people. "

ROTFLMAO!

[Gritty]

I hope they follow your advice.

From the sounds already emanating from the Left, they are.

[oblomov]

LOL!

[Darnright]

>All of America looked at Teresa Heinz Kerry as First Lady and wondered if she was one martini away from an international incident. Like handing her coat to Vicente Fox and telling him to go finish trimming the hollies.<

Owwww. Just when I'd straightened back up from reading Iowa Hawk's commentary, I run into THIS?? The pain, the pain.

Thanks, neigbor!

[Darnright]

>neigbor

Durn fingers! That's "neighbor".

[dd5339]

Post #6! ROFLMAO!

Dang well said and dead center on target!

Semper Fi

[KC_Conspirator]

Sure, Canada is cold and bleak, with staggering unemployment rates. But they have free health insurance, and unlike the Amerikkkan Nazi f***tard hellhole, nobody in Canada is going to question your patriotism.

I am still laughing at this one, 2 weeks later.