Pun Intended

[Gingersnap]

"In short, he was "A Haifa-lootin', flutin' Teuton, son-of-a-nun from Barcelona, part-time plowboy Joe."

You know that 'Final Destination' we talked about? It's coming around a lot sooner than you think.

[SuperSonic]

Hugh Morris is the funniest person I ever heard of.

[jaj_dad]

The beauty of a pun is in the "Oy" of the beholder :-)

[jtmac40]

Cut. Paste. Email.

[howardl]

Eddie Spivak dreamed of owning his own farm. When he inherited some land in southern Arizona, he set about making that dream come true. He said to himself, "I'll plant some cotton, and become a cotton farmer." But during the summer, water collected in the field, and the cotton crop was ruined. "Your land is the lowest land around here," said Eddie's neighbor, " You'll never solve that problem." "I'll create some aquaculture ponds and become a fish farmer," said Eddie. And he did.

And to this day, it remains true that ponds are the lowest farms of Yuma.

[OSHA]

I think that was the Omni Magazine pun contest. Issac Asimov was one of the judges. (He was a avid punster.)I don't believe that one was the winner but it was given as an example. They said it was one of the only known triple puns, so I developed my own.......

A cache of triangular sails made from animal skins was discovered. Although of different sizes they all were perfect 30-60-90 triangles. The sails were folded in such a way that indicated that the makers knew that by making the bottom edge of the sail twice as long as the hypotenuse would give this result. In honor of the ancient peoples rudimentary knowledge of trigonometry this has been dubbed the fur sail sine.

[Buggman]

*wham*
*wham*
*wham*
*wham*
*wham*

In case you're wondering, that's the sound of me ramming my head against my desk to stop the pain. ;^)

[Paradox]

How about the one about the African Americans in parts of Florida who were sent to the local McDonald's instead of their correct polling places. They became agitated and complained about the food. When asked why they were there, they said there were simply Dissin-Frenchfries.

[new cruelty]

"Pardon me Roy, is that the cat that chewed your new shoes?"

BWHAHAHAHA. Now I can't stop grinning. Thanks for the laughs!

[Duke809]

A hamburger walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender refuses and the hamburger asks why.
The bartender says "We don't serve food in here"

[rightsmart]

There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest. He
sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

[fredhead]

In the words of the immortal Charlie Brown:

AAUGH!!!!!!!!

[beaureguard]

These are great!! Thanks for the lunch laughs.

[rightsmart]

Sorry, my last one was already posted. Try this one:

Every night, Frank would go down to the liquor store, get a
six pack, bring it home, and drink it while he watched TV.
One night, as he finished his last beer, the doorbell rang.
He stumbled to the door and found a six-foot cockroach standing there. The bug grabbed him by the collar and threw him across the room, then left.

The next night, after he finished his 4th beer, the doorbell rang. He walked slowly to the door and found the same six-foot cockroach standing there. The big bug punched him in the stomach, then left.

The next night, after he finished his 1st beer, the doorbell rang again. The same six-foot cockroach was standing there. This time he was kneed in the groin and hit behind the ear as he doubled over in pain. Then the big bug left.

The fourth night Frank didn't drink at all. The doorbell
rang. The cockroach was standing there. The bug beat
the snot out of Frank and left him in a heap on the
living room floor.

The following day, Frank went to see his doctor. He
explained events of the preceding four nights. "What
can I do?" he pleaded. "Not much" the doctor replied.
"There's just a nasty bug going around."

[Minn]

You people are sick.

[Squawk 8888]

My landlord refuses to rent to Germans. He says a Hun is the lowest form of roomer.

A scientist cloned himself but to his chagrin the clone was extremely rude and uncouth. After putting up with him as long as he could, he finally lost it and in a fit of rage threw the clone off his balcony. The police arrived and charged him with making an obscene clone fall.

If a rabbit could perform surgery, who would administer the anaesthetic? The ether bunny.

What to you call a row of rabbits moving backwards? A receding hare line.

[TheJollyRoger]

An old fur trapper visited the indian chief in the tribal village. There were three squaws sitting on animal hides. Two of the squaws sat on deer hides, but one sat upon a beautiful white hippopotomus hide. She was dressed in the finest garments and wore lovely beads and jewelry.

(Get ready for it.)

When asked why the one squaw was dressed so richly the indian chief replied...

The value of the squaw of the hippopotomus is equal to the sum of the value of the squaws of the other two hides.

(TheJollyRoger runs and hides)

[Paradox]

We need a graphic for a pegged "Groan Meter".. heh..

Here is one of the first "puns" I ever heard...

"How do you top a car?"

"uh, I dunno"

"Ya tep on the brake, tupid!"

Ok, maybe thats not a pun, but it is pretty tupid.. Here is the first dirty joke I ever heard, kind of a pun..

How do you catch a naked lady?

In a Booby Trap!

[Gingersnap]

"The value of the squaw of the hippopotomus is equal to the sum of the value of the squaws of the other two hides."

While Hillary's Lovely Legs is obviously a minion of Satan, you, my friend, are Satan's spawn.

What's worse is that I tutor math and that stupid pun has already burned its way into my neurons. I'll be poisoning the minds of the young with this for years.

[Fiddlstix]

BTTT