Posted on 12/17/2004 9:25:01 AM PST by John Robertson
imho, there's plenty of chance you are quite right.
However, to knee jerk yank her out of school could be enormously counter productive and needs to be handled step by step with great thoughtfulness, care, sensitivity and dialogue. Then there's the legal issues of an adult child etc.
sounds like you got it down very thoroughly and insightfully.
I'd greatly appreciate your responding to my first suggestions to him above. . . . what post number . . . 49.
I'd be keenly interested, as might he be, in what of my suggestions rang true with you as fitting and potentially beneficial.
THX in advance.
Blessings,
The college is also acting In Loco Parentis, you should have been notified a long time a go.
I hate to say this, but ALL the anorexic people I have ever known are totally and completely self-centered. The relish in spending time talking about 'me' and tratinn 'my condition' and what a terribel childhod they had or anything that lets them talk abotu themselves.
Get her out to volunteer for a tough shift at a volunteer shelter or hospital- the hard work will make her hungry and appreciate the REAL problems of others (that are much worse than 'oh I can't eat)
Tough love is the best medicine for this 'desease'
(I am not a doctor, I just play one on the computer)
Get her into professional help asap.
Contact your family physician and see who is good at handling this problem in your home town. You probably don't want to send her back to college in her present situation.
This happened to the daughter of a very good friend while she was away in college her sophomore year. He got her home and helped for a year. She went to the local community college for one semester during her recovery.
She has returned to the college after a year drop out and regaining 25 pounds, she was only about 110 pounds to begin with. She returned at her freshman weight.
At this time she appears to be healthy and secure. She will be getting her masters degree when this semester is finished.
She told her Dad that she would not be alive if she had stayed at college. Like many freshmen, she lived in a dorm and ate the food at the dorm and snacked whenever. In her words, she developed a Dorm butt, and she over reacted.
Ping to post 78... And amen to your comment about the younger stars and rounder bodies -- perhaps this evil trend is finally reversing. However, we don't want to go too far, as we are still suffering a national obesity epidemic too. Just remember, Marilyn Monroe was healthy, NOT FAT!
Keep walking her past Cinnabon.
GREAT INPUT imho.
Please tell me if what I said in post 78 has any relevance at all, or is it totally not relevant to the anorexia phenomenon.
I can recall when I was in college, wondering aloud, "What is it with women and food? Every girl I know is either anorexic, bulimic, or fat!" I honestly don't get it, so feel free to tell me if I'm wrong.
In what city/state do you live?
Your suggestions sound great.
For me, I was obsessed with perfection because of the strict, Christian upbringing I had. I never felt good enough in my father's eyes so I worked myself to the bone, achieving every goal in sight and trying to achieve physical perfection as well. I stopped recognizing that I was tired, hungry or had any physical signs of needing to slow down. I walked around with pneumonia for 2 weeks because I was too busy achieving goals to slow down.
I had in my mind I had to be perfect in everything and finally I would get the approval from my father that I needed. Unfortunately, this attitude transferred to the men I chose to date. When the relationship would end, I thought that I wasn't good enough for them only to find out later that they were totally intimidated by me...my achievements and success.
The anorexia is only a symptom of the problem. The problem is control and not feeling good enough. The pressures of a college female are immense...the studying, not wanting to disappoint parents, and especially the pressures from other females in college to be perfect, just makes a girl go into a tailspin of being DRIVEN.
Although I didn't get counseling at the time, that is really what I needed. It took me until age 37 to really find out everything behind my "drive for perfection" and be "okay with who I am...flaws and all"....
MOSTLY AGREE WITH YOU.
Certainly BEHAVIOR MOD is CRUCIAL, imho.
Not all touchy feely therapists would be hurtful in this situation. If she is touch starved--highly possible--it can be a very crucial aspect of behavior mod. I'd reward her with touch to strengthen the message that she was loved period--every chance I got and especially as reinforcement.
Certainly the family needs to be cooperating, imho, with a family systems approach type therapist to dealing with this problem as well as the very crucial behavior mod.
OK. Understand.
Usually, anorexics will say whatever they need to to whomever to get them off their back and then continue right along with their killing themselves slowly.
John, very, very sorry to hear that your daughter, you and your wife will be dealing with this terribe family problem.
W've been there and done that with my step-daugter.
Check out http://www.family.org and do a search on "anorexia." This is the Focus on the Family website (Dr. James Dobson's). It's a great resource for info.
Stongly suggest a Christ-centered approach. We did the http://www.remudaranch.com in Arizona program, but step-daughter did not work the program. Very expensive, but what's a child's life worth?
By the way, we were told that about 1/3 of young women with juvenile diabetes develop an eating disorder. (So much of diabetes mgmt has to do with control of eating/diet.
Needless to say - "Speak the truth with love." Let her know that it's a family problem affecting you and your wife. Don't let her try to convince you that she can control it by herself. Make sure she is evaluated medically/psychologically.
The entertainment/cultural emphasis on "thin" is unbelievalbe. Is she into fashion type mags, i.e. "Shape" magazine, etc? (Personally, I am a fan of removing her from the message (as much as possible) that she's getting from TV,etc.) It couldn't hurt.
Some sort of support groups locally would be very beneficial for you/wife, and one for your daughter in trying to deal with the sickness and trying to put things in perspective. You guys are not alone. There are tons of people dealing with this problem. Don't be embarrassed about the problem. Check with clergy members.
As for counselors, I'm reminded of the joke - How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb? - It only takes one, but it takes a lot of time, and a lot of money, but the light bulb has to really want to change.
Wish I could say we solved our problem, but can't. Would like to think we did every thing we could from the support side, but still wonder if there was something we could have done differently sooner.
Due to the devastating effects of diabetes, we are now dealing with blindness (3 years), kidney dialyis (1 year), and all the complications of destroyed health, and a greatly shortened life span.
God bless, you all!
THX. Wise input you add, too.
Privacy laws re med treatment, school etc. have fouled such issues all up in many ways.
Get her examined by a doctor and do an intervention. She thinks she's fat but is not.
THANKS TONS FOR YOUR AFFIRMATION. You bring tears to my eyes with your kind words.
I felt so, thought so and have counseled so. But there's nothing like 'the horse's mouth' . . . very so to speak!!!
MAY GOD RICHLY BLESS YOU AND YOUR CLOSE RELATIONSHIPS THIS CHRISTmas AND THE NEW YEAR . . . with God's best intimacy, provision, safety, fulfillment, joy.
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