Your Favorite Johnny Carson Joke?

Free Republic Vanity Kind-of ^ | 01/23/2005 | gortklattu

[gortklattu]

Just the Jokes, OK?

Johnny: "Sis - Boom - Bah

ED: "Sim - boom - bah

Johnny: What sound does an exploding sheep make?

[Political Junkie Too]

She also did the celebrity game show circuit at the time. I recall her getting a lot of the questions right, but I didn't know how much of the celebrity participation was scripted in a "player chooses right or wrong" format.

-PJ

[Big Horn]

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Kenny500c
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Kenny500c wrote:
I thought his response was "I bet that really straightens out his putter

I think it was "I bet that made his putter flutter".



."

[Political Junkie Too]

Carson also played the drums quite creditably, and frequently would have Buddy Rich on as a guest (a guy who could play drums like nobody else alive). Those two playing with Severinson's band were something to see...

Didn't they once give Buddy Rich a breakaway drum set that fell apart when he hit the cymbols? I also recall a breakaway desk that Carnak demolished.

-PJ

[Political Junkie Too]

I think Carol Wayne was dating Tonight Show writer Pat McCormick at the time that she drowned. They were on a boating vacation together, if I recall correctly.

-PJ

[MS.BEHAVIN]

Don't blame me..
I didn't write it!
Ms.B

[Central Scrutiniser]

"A marble bust of Earl Butz, hallowed out and filled with nuts"

[Boiler Plate]

Robert Blake and Burt Reynolds were on that show. Blake was drunk, stoned, or something...and told Carson that he'd never been on the other side of the desk. At the break Fred DeCordova came up and talked to them, they switched places. Blake interviewed Carson, who did nothing but burp, then dropped his pants....

I remember that one. Blake just sat and laughed, he couldn't even speak.

[Cagey]

It sounds as if you are an interesting teacher, and God knows there is a shortage. I'm glad you enjoyed it, as did I. I've heard that routine quite a few times and never tire of it. I'd put it right up there behind Abbott and Costello's "Who's on First".

[OldEagle]

Ed: Name Mississippi's favorite cheer, favorite beer and favorite queer.

Carnac: Hotty Totty, Miller Light and Bill Allain.

[Choose Ye This Day]

He stopped drinking in 1978 ...

Well, not completely, I guess:

After a much-publicized arrest for drunken driving in 1982, Carson had a policeman escort him onstage.

He probably gave up drinking right after the DUI.

[BradyLS]

Probably the most famous was the quip by Johnny to Zsa Zsa Gabor with her cat. Except, it didn't really happen.

I coulda swore I heard Johnny himself repeat this yarn. And the actress in question was Racquel Welch!

[A CA Guy]

Carol Wayne- Dead

Date of Death: 01/13/1985
Age at Death: 42

Cause of Death: Drowning

[Daaave]

"One For My Baby (And One More For The Road)" RAY CHARLES lyrics

It's quarter to three, there's no one in the place except you and me. So, set 'em up, Joe, I got a little story you oughta know.

We're drinkin', my friend, to the end of a brief episode. Make it one for my baby and one more for the road.

I got the routine, so drop another nickel in the machine. I'm feelin' so bad, wish you'd make the music pretty and sad.

Could tell you a lot, but you've got to be true to your code. So, make it one for my baby and one more for the road.

You'd never know it but buddy, I'm a kind of poet. And I got a lot of things to say. And when I'm gloomy, you simply gotta listen to me. Till it's all talked away.

Well that's how it goes and Joe, I know your gettin' pretty anxious to close.

So, thanks for the cheer, I hope you didn't mind my bendin' your ear. This torch that I found must be drowned or it soon might explode.

So, make it one for my baby and one more for the road That long, long road.

[Redcloak]

Carnac crashing through the desk.

[Daaave]

"When Severinson was on vacation, Tommy Newsom took his place. Carson made hilarious fun of the somewhat dull bandleader. Remember?"

I remember one crack. Mr. Carson called Newsom "The Prince of Polyester."

[Ghengis]

Probably the most famous was the quip by Johnny to Zsa Zsa Gabor with her cat. Except, it didn't really happen.

I coulda swore I heard Johnny himself repeat this yarn. And the actress in question was Racquel Welch!

I remember reading about the Jane Fonda appearance in the late '80s, where the record was supposedly set straight. I also remember being referred to Snopes.com (or some other myth busting site) a few years ago where this was debunked.

That is the amazing thing about people who become cultural institutions. The separation of myth and fact becomes very difficult.

[Sensei Ern]

My favorite moment on the Tonight Show was when Johny Carson had Sam Kinneson on. Johny had made this big deal of not knowing what to expect because Sam wanted to sing. He absolutely had no idea what Sam would do, because he had never heard Sam sing before, so Johny was taking a big chance that Sam would bomb.

Sam started singing an ok version of Elvis', "Are You Lonesome, Tonight?"

Then, after the first verse, singing melodically, "Tell me, dear, Are you lonesome, tonight?" He went into his trademark ranting about he hopes she is because she was a dirty rotten no good cheating whore and she should burn in hell.

Johny fell out of the chair, and on to the floor. I don't remember what happened after that because I too, fell on the floor, gasoing for air while laughing my fool head off.

[Ann Archy]

Thanks, but I thought she wrote and sang an original song......that one was a standard. I just remember her doing something REALLY terrific.

[chs68]

"May the fleas of a thousand camels nest in your short."

Johhny no doubt used variations of this line.

My favorite variation (and I still sometimes use it) was this:

May the sandfleas of 1,000 camels infest the crotch of your firstborn.

In fact, if Osama Ben Laden is by any chance looking at this:

May the sandfleas of 1,000 camels......

[NorCoGOP]

Thank you. I would hope I hold an interesting class. Public speaking can be traumatic, so I try to keep it light wherever possible, so when I give examples of certain stylistic arrangements, I like to use humor examples - and I actually do use Who's on First for part of the semantics lecture.

I think the only "drawback" for lack of a better term, to my class at the local community college, is that it is more challenging than UNC's class here in town - I use the old UNC format, which they changed to an "easier" (meaning: less work, less brain-pain) format than mine. My class learns HOW to think, not WHAT to think that many UNC professor's adhere to, and from a VERY liberal, anti-Bush, anti-America perspective. My students are taught how to come up with their own opinions - they find it hard but very refreshing and educational.