Posted on 04/21/2005 4:56:39 PM PDT by aculeus
An American police force is planning to sign up a monkey to reinforce its elite special operations team.
Members of the special weapons and tactics (SWAT) unit in Mesa, Arizona, believe that a capuchin monkey, dressed in a bullet-proof jacket and equipped with a two-way radio and video camera, could prove an invaluable reconnaissance tool.
The SWAT team's commander has agreed to a feasibility study into the use of a capuchin monkey. Sean Truelove, a SWAT officer who builds and operates reconnaissance robots, has applied for a £53,000 federal grant to fund the four-year monkey project. Capuchins have already been trained to be companions to quadriplegics, performing tasks such as serving food, turning off lights and brushing hair. Mr Truelove said the same training could prepare a capuchin monkey for police intelligence work.
He said the monkeys, which weigh only 3-8lb and whose puzzle-solving skills are enhanced by tiny, dexterous human-like hands, could unlock doors, search buildings and find injured people upon command.
Their size could allow them into places that officers and robots could not reach, such as attic rafters, he said. "Everybody laughs about it until they really start thinking about it. It would change the way we do business."
Mr Truelove is prepared for potential opposition from animal rights groups and insists that the capuchin would not be sent into action if "the threat level is too high". Gloves for its hands and feet would protect it from broken glass.
Just as he has never known a suspect to harm a robot, he predicted that criminals would be "too stunned" by the capuchin's appearance to hurt it.
Information appearing on telegraph.co.uk is the copyright of Telegraph Group Limited and must not be reproduced in any medium without licence.
I hope we don't wind up with a bunch of police officers smuggling secondhand coffee beans to their local donut shops....
"Mr. Lucido, that smells like, um, EXCEPTIONAL coffee, but I've gotta roll, there's a Viking Kitty up a tree across town...."
(Shudder) This makes my skin crawl. I can just see them going at me with a hair brush, screwing with my hair with their little monkey hands, their funky monkey breath in my ear. God forbid, they would next be entrusted with scissors.
YOU IDIOT! THE MINKEY WAS THE LOOKOUT!
LOL...from the description at your link, it sounds like the monkeys already had their crack at it....
We have to make it clear to these monkeys that if they unionize, it's back to the zoo.
Best comment on a fun thread BUMP!
Oh, that was a bad `un. You were here, you'd simian utter agony.
Monkeys show affinity for tough union tactics
Study finds they'll go on strike if treated unfairly
David Perlman, Chronicle Science Editor
Thursday, September 18, 2003
Peace-loving capuchin monkeys may not carry picket signs like workers in a labor dispute, but the little animals do balk at unequal pay -- and they'll even go on strike if they see they're being treated unfairly -- researchers have found.
Make no bonobos about it...that coffee tastes like crap.
You can't make a monkey out of me, mister. I'm not gonna go ape over a pun like that.
This is some serious monkey business.
all your monkeys are belong to us
someone set us up the monkey
LOL. Just getting the monkeys off our back. Far more fun to pun about the news than simply read about those friggin 400-lb gorillas in Congress screwing things up again.
What grounds do you have to criticize my coffee puns? You thought this was a bunch of monkey shines, but in fact, the subject at hand is coffee. I think you folger-self by going out on a limb with the monkey thing. Coffee puns are one of the hottest forms of black humor, but they can also be rather sweet.
You got me. I'm still on monkeys. In fact, though I don't have a link for it, did you hear about the accident at the English cloning lab where they accidentally blew up the test subjects? The researchers are now trying to determine what went wrong by sifting through the Rhesus' pieces.
No, seriously... what's this new simian rookie going to say to the bad guys, "Surrender or I'll shoot you with my banana?"
Sanka very much for trying to turn the subject back to coffee, though. I didn't mean to roast your hide regarding your puns...I think they're grande.
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.