Posted on 05/25/2005 8:31:47 AM PDT by redrock
"Once Upon a Time.......a Polack,an American and a German were going to be shot by a firing squad. When the American was about to be shot he shouted out "Tornado!". So the whole firing squad ran...and the American escaped. The next day the German was about to be shot when he yelled "Tidal Wave" and the whole firing squad ran....and the German escaped. The next day the Polack was going to be shot. The firing squad was all lined up and just as they were aiming....he yelled out "Fire"."
I have never met anyone as happy as Stan.
The guy NEVER (and it wasn't forced) was not laughing...or telling jokes...(usually Polack jokes...but then, as he explained it,...."Kid...with a last name like Wierzbowski...I'm allowed")...or just grinning.
Nothing seemed to bring him down.
Which, for a man in an Iron Lung,....was remarkable.
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I was ten....and my dad was going back into the V.A. Hospital for some more work on his body...trying to fix some problems that arose from him being in a wheelchair. (see last years Memorial Day thread "The Luckiest Boy in the World" for more)
He was going to a new ward....and the first person I saw on that ward....was Stan. Laying there in his Iron Lung.....cracking jokes left and right...(usually with half a dozen people gathered around)....and just being happy.
For the next 7 years....visiting my dad whenever he was in the V.A.Hospital (off and on) wasn't as hard as it could have been...because there was always Stan...and his jokes.....and his silly grin.
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"Two Polish hunters were driving thru the country to go Bear hunting. They came upon a fork in the road where a sign said 'Bear Left'.
So they went home......"
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When I was 17....I enlisted in the Army. After Basic....and Med. Training...I was being sent to Vietnam.I was saying my "Goodbyes" to all the old soldiers...sailors...airmen that I had come to know in the Hospital...when I came across Stan. He wasn't laughing...and he wasn't smiling.
He looked at me and just asked..."So....you going to war??"
I said something along the lines of.."Well...I'm going to be a Medic...so it should be ok." (What a dumb....dumb...dumb statement!!)
"Kiddo...let's talk....."
So...we spent the next couple of hours talking. Stan told me of when he was 17...and enlisted in the Marines.
WWII was on....and "Everyone had to do their part".
Of going thru training....and being assigned to the 28th Marine Regiment. Of the constant training...and, when they had passes, of the constant partying....and drinking. But as he put it...."Hey...we were Marines....and 18."
Then of being put on a ship...and of sailing for days on the ocean. Finally arriving off of some island in the Pacific. One with a funny looking mountain at one end.
Iwo.
Of how the 'old-timers' ("20 year olds....") kept saying that it didn't look good. That this was going to be a tough nut to crack. Of how the fear was a constant and ever-present companion.
Then the landing....Japanese machine guns and artillery just pounding the beach....and killing Marines. Of finally getting a small foothold....and of breathing a sigh of relief when he could spend a few minutes without being shot at.
He spent 32 days on the island...fighting. Always near someone who died...or was wounded. But he never was hurt....never even got a flesh wound. (one that would at least got him some hot food.)
"Kiddo...keep your head down when you get there...and you'll be ok."
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About a year after I got back from Vietnam....Stan passed away. The disease that put him in an Iron Lung....finally won.
So I put on my Dress Uniform (he would have like that)..and went to his funeral. I was amazed at the number of people present (or maybe I really wasn't after I thought about it). Most of the older crowd also had on their old uniforms. Couple of Colonels....lots and lots of Sgt.'s. I was asked to be a pall-bearer.
When I got close to the casket.....I noticed something that made me start to tear up a little...(or maybe it was just the Santa Ana winds...and all that dust).
For on his coffin was something that Stan NEVER talked about.
A Silver Star. His Silver Star.
After the funeral....I asked some of the old Sgt.'s about it.
On Iwo....Stan's platoon had been pinned down by 2 machine guns. Machine guns that were doing damage...and killing his friends. So...he crawled as close as he could to the first....threw a grenade and killed those Japanese firing on his platoon. This allowed the rest of his platoon to get the other site.
It sounds so simple. But it was 50 yards to the first machine gun site...and he was under constant fire from both sites . How he never got hit....is a miracle.
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Q: How do you tell which is the Groom at a Polish Wedding??
A: He's the one in the CLEAN bowling shirt.
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The Jokes I have put on this thread are the ones I remember from Stan.
So...if in your neighborhood...someone is telling jokes....listen.
For that person telling you jokes...and making you laugh...may just be an American Hero.......
"Kiddo....I'm still alive...and that's good enough"
This weekend...go to the Veterans Hospital...visit some of those still alive...you'll be happier for the effort.
redrock
redrock
redrock
redrock
Thanks for the ping!
Excellent.
redrock
LOL my dad used to tell some jokes. Couldn't help but laugh.
redrock
The only Polish joke I know is: Andrew Gollotta!
redrock
Gee, I wonder why so many people think Republicans are bigots?
redrock
Only the small minded....unsure of themselves.....politically correct idiots...think that.
redrock
Two Pollacks were out hunting. The followed a set of tracks into a cave...and shot a train!
Bump for our Heroes ~ Past ~ Present ~ Future!
redrock
Why aren't we PC today!. Fortunately many the men and women in WWII who fought so hard to protect your PC butt would not be afraid to call a spade a spade. Their children? ...Not so fortunate and we are reaping the benefits as we speak.
redrock
So, he shot her.
I once knew a Polish guy confined to an Iron Lung. He was my grandfather.
I guy walked into a bar, sat down, and started drinking some beers. After a while, nature called and he went into the men's room. When he returned, he said to the bartender: "I just saw the strangest thing. There was a black guy with a white penis in the men's room". The bartender replied "Oh, that was Kowalski the coal miner. He just got back from his honeymoon!"
Thanks for the story - and the jokes.
The one I remember was the supposed headline in a Polish newspaper. "Plane crashes in cemetery, thousands of bodies found."
What always got me about these Polish jokes, even the ones that were nasty, was that the Americans of Polish background either laughed at the good ones or shrugged the nasty ones off as jerks.
No whining, no claims of victimhood, just a humourous take on their own ethnic foibles. When the Hispanic and Blacks can get to that point, then you know they have arrived.
redrock
"We Can Be Heroes.....Just For One Day"
MEMORIAL DAY 2005--Thread # 1
http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/1408120/posts
"Just Another Drunk Indian..."
MEMORIAL DAY--Thread # 2
http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/1408698/posts
"Chocolate Chip Cookies"
MEMORIAL DAY 2005--Thread # 3
http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/1409491/posts
"Hey...Do Ya Wanna Hear a Polish Joke???"
MEMORIAL DAY 2005--Thread # 4
http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/1410220/posts
redrock annual Memorial Day threads PING
Finally, Stan says, "How come we're down here digging and he just walks by every once in a while?"
Josef says, "I don't know. Why don't you ask him."
So, Stan climbs out of the ditch and walks up to the foreman and asks, "How come we're down there digging all day and you're up here just watching?"
The foreman looks around and tells Stan to pick up the shovel. Stan does. Then the foreman walks over to a tree and puts his hand on it. He then tells Stan, "Go ahead. Hit my hand."
Stan looks at him, shrugs and takes a big swing. At the last instant the foreman pulls his hand away and Stan smacks the tree - his arms quivering from the shock.
"That's why you and Josef are down there digging and I'm up here."
Stan climbs back into the ditch. Josef asks, "What did he tell you?"
Stan tells Josef to pick up the shovel. Josef does.
Stan looks around, can't find a tree. He puts his hand on his forehead and says, "Go ahead. Hit my hand."
Are you a bigot telling Polish jokes if you're Polish?
Better tell Chris Rock (black jokes), George Lopez (Mexican jokes), John Leguizamo (gay life jokes) and Jeff Foxworthy (redneck jokes). They'll all have to change their comedy acts. It might be non-PC and offend somebody.
In 1982, during the regime of Communist dictator Wojciech Jaruzelski, a Russian, an American, and a Polack were employed in a factory in Poland. One day, the Polack showed up two and a half hours late. "Sorry, pals," he remarked. "I had to stand in line for a ham."
"What's a line?" inquired the American.
"What's a ham?" asked the Russian.
Ahem. If you're going to tell tacky ethnic jokes, they're "Poles," not "Polacks." Calling someone a Polack is derogatory -- the functional equivalent of "Nigg*r."
Now you know.
I thought this kind of humor had long ago gone the way of All in the Family and Archie Bunker.
my favorite is the one where:
an okie was out hunting & came upon on an UNclad lovely, sunbathing.
he said "are you GAME".
she said that she was. so he shot her.
free dixie,sw
When Osama Bin Laden died, he was met at the Pearly Gates by George Washington, who slapped him across the face and yelled, "How dare you try to destroy the nation I helped conceive"
Patrick Henry approached, punched him in the nose and shouted, "You wanted to end our liberties but you failed".
James Madison followed, kicked him in the groin and said,"This is why I allowed our government to provide for the common defence!"
Thomas Jefferson was next. He beat Osama with a long cane and snarled, "It was evil men like you who inspired me to write the Declaration of Independence."
The beatings and thrashings continued as George Mason, James Monroe and 66 other early Americans unleashed their anger on the terrorist leader.
As Osama lay bleeding and in pain, an Angel appeard. Bin Laden said, "This is not what you promised me."
The Angel replied, "I told you there would be 72 Virginians waiting for you in Heaven. What did you think I said?"
Please, God, let more people have the same attitude as Stan.
LOL!!!!
redrock
The people in Poland don't seem to mind the word....here's a website from one of their Companies....POLAK
My Polish is very rudamentary....but it seems to have something to do with Babies.
redrock
So true and my stepdad, a proud WW2 Army Air Corp vet, passed away this past Veteran's Day. And that's no joking matter.
....but you would hope for more like him.
redrock
The Polish Ballbuster
LOL
"we TEXICANS tell those same stories on the OKIES"
But did you ever see them Texicans holding up two fingers and yelling, "We're number one! We're number one!"?
Lighten up Francis.
A group of American soldiers were bivouaced somewhere in the Pacific during WWII. As per regulations, the battalion medical officer was conducting a sanitation inspection. He addressed the sergeant who was in charge of the troops. "Sergeant," the doctor asked, "what procedures do you use to make the water safe for your men to drink?" The sergeant, a grand old Irishman, replied, "Sir, first we use iodine tablets." The doctor said "Very good." "Then we use halazone." The doctor nodded and said, "Excellent." "Then we boil it for fifteen minutes." The doctor smiled, "Excellent." "Following that, we filter it through charcoal." "Outstanding, Sergeant!" "And then, just to be sure, we drink beer."
"Actually...I was always told by Stan...(and by my Aunt who was from Poland)...that 'Polak' is how you say it in Poland."
Interesting. My friend from school, Dick Wyrsinski, said that in Poland, it was Polski. Not disputing. Just find the difference interesting.
bump
Thank You.........this one brought a tear to my eye...
"But did you ever see them Texicans holding up two fingers and yelling, "We're number one! We're number one!"?"
That's how they recruit in Texas. OU asks the studs if they want to play for a state championship, or a National Championship!
I was born a redneck and raised in Cajun Country. I love both of those kinda jokes. Lighten up, you are sounding like a liberal.
Boudreaux dies and goes to hell. The devil wants to make him miserable so he turns up the heat and goes to Boudreaux's room and asks how he likes it there. Boudreaux says "Oh mais cher, it feels like a good southern day in June." The devil gets mad and turns up the heat even more. He goes back and asks Boudreaux how do he likes it now. Boudreaux says "Oh mais cher, it feels like a good southern day in July." The devil's really mad now and goes back and turns the thermostat all the way to COLD (Freezing Cold!!). He goes back to Boudreaux, who now has icicles hanging off his moustache, and asks him how he likes it now. Boudreaux says, "I don't know mais cher, but I bleave da saints done won dem a Superbowl.
"That's how they recruit in Texas. OU asks the studs if they want to play for a state championship, or a National Championship!"
Can't be much wrong with a guy who has five kids and knows which team to root for.
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