Posted on 04/01/2006 6:40:33 PM PST by twippo
"Typically, she is NOT part of a "package," and is entitled to her own private life and relationship with her husband."
Yeah, right. Just watch what happens when the spouse (no longer just wives, ya know) decides to attend another church. God forbid that they'd have a different religion!
For decades churches got "2 for 1" - the pastor's wife baked cookies, played piano, taught Sundah School, etc etc. It's a hard stereotype to break.
What is definitely breaking that stereotype is that the pastor's spouse usually makes significantly more money than the pastor, and therefore is the dominant career.
It is true. And they are cult like.
You are right. The responsibility to set reasonable and workable limits and boundaries is the pastor's. Unfortunately, too many pastors are ill-trained and instantly become over-involved in their work. Then some years later their marriage goes belly up or they burn out, and wonder why their life isn't what they ordered when they finished their M.Div's.
Indeed it is, but it is the pastor's responsibility to clarify her role with the Board or Call committee right from the start. If she has a defined role, great, but it needs to be specified up front, and paid for. If she is to be just another member of the congregation, she can for sure bake cookies and do whatever other members do. I would question why a preacher's wife would want to attend a different church, however.
"Then some years later their marriage goes belly up or they burn out, and wonder why their life isn't what they ordered when they finished their M.Div's."
Actually, many marriages don't survive the M.Div process. We had 3 file for divorce IN ONE CHRISTMAS BREAK in a student body of 300. Two of them were Dean's List students. One more month of seminary and I'd have lost my marriage (we were talking about divorce).
Pastors confuse lots of things.
First of all, one is CALLED, not ADDICTED. There is a difference.
Second, it is NOT health to have no bounderies between ones professional life and ones personal life. This situation is aggrivated beyond belief when one lives in a parsonage / manse. When I left the ranks of clergy it was a relief to rent my own place, even if it was subsidized housing.
Third, there is a difference between your JOB and your relationship with God. NEVER forget that. Pastors seem to believe that failure as a pastor (or leaving the profession) is a failure in their relationship with God, possibly causing them to be damned (talk about works righteousness!!!)
Strangely, after I stopped being clergy, I stopped getting passes from women. I went literally 10 years after leaving the ministry until I got my next pass. When I was a pastor I got them weekly.
"I would question why a preacher's wife would want to attend a different church, however."
Because she (actually, the spouse isn't always "she") need her own pastor, just like the doctor's wife needs her own doctor. Generally, doctors don't practice on their family members, and clergy should take the hint.
Second, she needs her own faith community where she is "just a member of the congregation." This is impossible when they are the spouse of the pastor. Just try praying when the people in the next pew are making fun of the pastor for a gaff.....
Evidence?
Sure. But being non-Christian is not the same thing as being in a cult, which is the characterization I'm disputing.
No doubt, some people would have more sympathy for her as a murderous widow than as a divorcee. She could remarry and most churches would approve, but not as a divorced woman.
"But being non-Christian is not the same thing as being in a cult, which is the characterization I'm disputing."
I'm sorry that I didn't communicate more clearly. You are certainly right. Hinduism is hardly a cult, for instance.
I think that some groups start out as cults, and then grow out of that status. Christianity itself might fit into that catorgory. I'd also point to LDS/Mormans as another example.
Actually Alice hasn't turned out too bad now that he's ...pushing 60. But he certainly has taken a few side roads on the way there.
Typical problem resulting from Catholics not allowing priests to be married. Oops, wrong thread.
I beg your pardon, but we do believe in salvation by grace!
Hey, every thread about a priest has tons of replies about how this is the result of an unmarried clergy. So, by the same logic, when a wife kills her protestant minister husbaand... Of course, that's not really the problem in either case, but you can see why people think, "live by the sword, die by the sword."
I suspect the motive is much darker than this.
"Hey, every thread about a priest has tons of replies about how this is the result of an unmarried clergy. So, by the same logic, when a wife kills her protestant minister husbaand... Of course, that's not really the problem in either case, but you can see why people think, "live by the sword, die by the sword."
Again, I apologize for not communicating more clearly. You've stated my point exactly.
Can you explain that? I'm not disputing you, I just am curious as to what you mean.
"Can you explain that? I'm not disputing you, I just am curious as to what you mean."
Churches, and church organziations, have a way of killing the wounded.
I've watched any number of clergy who've been found to be in need of emotional care - such as marital difficulties, problem child, prescription drug addition, etc. - summarily bounced out of the ministry.
In my case, I started wondering about my career choice (clergy) soon after I got into a nasty church, and I made the mistake of mentioning that fact. That winter the church used that confusion as reason to ask for a new pastor.
The upshot is that clergy soon learn that they cannot openly deal with issues. Pastors, after all, are supposed to be on a pedestal!!! They live in fear that someone will find out that they're in counseling. They learn to put out that infamous "pastoral veneer" which doesn't allow anyone to know what is really going on inside of them. They hide any evidence of anger, and in so doing usually end up making themselves sick (or acting out, including sexually).
Shall I go on?
You actually add to grace, miking it of none effect.
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