How to convince a kid not to do drugs?

December 14, 2006 | self

[Ben Chad]

I have a friend, a single mom, who has a 16-year-old son who has been seduced by a group of peers into smoking marijuana. They live in an upper-middle-class town in New Jersey, a suburb of Philadelphia. The kid says that 90% of his classmates smoke dope. The mom has grounded him, taken away his computer, will not allow him to get his driving permit, tried to reason with him about legal and health consequences, and things like that. But he seems impervious to reason and says he won't stop the behavior.

[Larry Lucido]

Play him this from Afroman:


"Because I Got High"

I was gonna clean my room until I got high
I was gonna get up and find the broom but then I got high
my room is still messed up and I know why (why man?) yea heyy,
- cause I got high [repeat 3X]

(La da da da da da da da da)

I was gonna go to class before I got high
I coulda cheated and I coulda passed but I got high
(La da da da da da da da da)
I am taking it next semester and I know why, (why man?) yea heyy,
- cause I got high [repeat 3X]

(La da da da da da da da da)

I was gonna go to work but then I got high
I just got a new promotion but I got high
now I'm selling dope and I know why (why man?) yea heayy,
- cause I got high [repeat 3X]

(La da da da da da da da da)

I was gonna go to court before I got high
I was gonna pay my child support but then I got high
they took my whole paycheck and I know why (why man?) yea heayy,
- cause I got high [repeat 3X]

(La da da da da da da da da)

I wasn't gonna run from the cops but I was high
I was gonna pull right over and stop but I was high
(La da da da da da da da da)
Now I am a paraplegic and i know why (why man?) yea heayy,
- because I got high [repeat 3X]

(La da da da da da da da da)

I was gonna pay my car note until I got high
I wasn't gonna gamble on the boat but then I got high
now the tow truck is pulling away and I know why (why man?) yea heyy,
- because I got high [repeat 3X]

(La da da da da da da da da)

I was gonna make love to you but then I got high
I was gonna eat yo ***** too but then I got high
now I'm ******* off and I know why, yea heyy,
- cause I got high [repeat 3X]

(La da da da da da da da da)

I messed up my entire life because I got high
I lost my kids and wife because I got high
now I'm sleeping on the sidewalk and I know why (why man?) yea heyy,
- cause I got high [repeat 3X]

(La da da da da da da da da)

I'm gonna stop singing this song because I'm high
I'm singing this whole thing wrong because I'm high
and if I dont sell one copy I know why (why man?) yea heyy,
- cause I'm high [repeat 3X]

[Ramius]

If not, sick the police on him.

That'd be just about the worst thing to do. If a kid has anything on the ball at all, is college-bound, has a future... this is no time to ensure he gets introduced to the criminal-record set.

[Theresawithanh]

I'd suggest finding someone both mom and son trust who can talk honestly with him about his behavior and all of the consequences to his future. Mom telling him likely just makes him want to do it all the more, if my experience is any indication.

[gdani]

Whatever you do, don't exaggerate and don't make anything up

As some on this thread have already done.

What are his grades like? Does he have an interest in college? If he's getting good grades & stays motivated there are far worse things he can be doing.

[Wings-n-Wind]

If the kid is truly chemically addicted (unlikely) -- get professional medically supervised help ASAP...

IF THIS IS ONLY A BATTLE OF THE WILLS & CULTURES....

1. Mom shouldn't give an inch... IMHO...

2. Explain to this kid that the choices he makes now and thru age 21 or so... -- Will mark his pathway for many years to come.... if not the rest of his life.

3. Take him to a mediator he might well hear on the issues... a pastor/youth worker/grandparent/counselor; Let Mom tell him again in the presence of a reliable witness...
(A)What the rules are... &
(b) What the progressive penalties are for breaking the rules...

4. Shut down his world to school books and three changes of clothes.... one for today... one for tomorrow.. one in the wash... No outside contact -- no cell phones/pagers... no toys... No buddies/no girlfriend... zip/zilch -- nada

5. The only outside activities are school obligations -- NOT elective activities (social/intramural) -- and supervised church/youth activities... if he is so inclined....

6. If he doesn't respond -- things will soon become safety-law enforcement-related issues... the field trip to the hoosegow is a pretty good idea.... make sure they get to experience the "smell" of being in jail...

7. Explain to him in no uncertain terms... that if he is arrested and charged -- Mom will NOT bail him out ... OR hire an attorney for his defense... He will live with the consequences of his behaviors...

8. Get the kid to sign it and keep a copy posted on the bedroom door...

9. Introduce him to the USMC recruiters...

10. Have him declared an "unruly child" in the context of local/state laws... is like putting in the care of a probation officer (costs $$) without the crime... He MUST live with the court order...

Maybe some of this will help...
(I have raised 6 -- four sons -- one became a Marine... squared him away in 13 weeks... thank you Parris Island)

[divine_moment_of_facts]

That woman didn't get that way from POT! That is crack or liquor.. or both.

[LtKerst]

But he seems impervious to reason and says he won't stop the behavior.

Follow him to his friends home, then when they are all good and stoned, call the police..Since he is a minor, the crime will not stay on his record, yet it will scare the Be-Jesus! into him. and the scandal and shame of all his friends getting busted will be like Shock and awe! then tell him in 2 years he is out of the House, period.

it will hurt His parents like a knife in the heart.

but if they have the guts...He will sink or swim, and any less
will just keep him the stupid idiot he is NOW.

[Long Island Pete]

And who says that a father isnt neeed for a strong leadership role?

[Xenalyte]

Full disclosure: I am a total hardass when it comes to kids for whom (and for the deeds and misdeeds of whom) you are financially and legal responsible. (If he were 18, I'd say tough luck.)

His mother MUST attach - and enforce - consequences for the choice he wants to make.

Perhaps total supervision - to the extent of taking him to and from school, and calling to check in on his attendance every class period - and removal of ALL privileges until he passes three consecutive drug tests. That includes phone, TV, Internet, video games, and school extracurricular activities. NOTHING that is not education-related (and no, sports are NOT education-related).

Remove everything from his room except three pair of jeans, three white shirts, underwear, and the mattress.

Search what's left in the room daily, or more frequently.

[Xenalyte]

Dude, Sam, that woman's a meth addict. Pot alone cannot do that to someone.

[Tijeras_Slim]

Pot's a gateway drug... it led me to corn chips, which I still abuse to excess.

[Xenalyte]

I cannot even begin to estimate the amount of chips and salsa I have consumed as a result of opening that particular gateway.

Not to mention the Zingers. Oh, the humanity!

[mysterio]

That pic is meth, not pot.

I agree with the poster who said don't exaggerate. They get enough exaggerated lies at school from the health teachers. Once they find out that it's a lie, they disregard all of it and that puts them at risk of trying harder drugs.

[april15Bendovr]

[From many - one.]

I read 27 replies and not one said listen to the kid.

Ask him why he's doing it. What does he get out of it.

Friendly tone but keep asking until there's an answer to work with.

Hysteria is not effective.

[dfwgator]

LOL! I was just going to post a Mr. Mackey picture.

[Howard Jarvis Admirer]

I agree with your list - but you left out step 11. Military Boarding School for a troubled teen and a Teen Boot Camp for a defiant teen. For more info on this, check out: http://blog.troubledteen.us/public/blog/134703 Once he turns 18, the parents lose control and he can slip into the drug world.

[newcthem]

Unlike most of the other posters, I don't have the answer, my son and I went thru this and I lost. Best I can do is to say that by the time you find out, it is almost too late. We went through the courts and local "treatment" centers and that proved to be a real joke...........the "councilors" teach them how to pass a drug test. All that is is a revenue generator for the programs and LE systems.

A friend shipped his kid off to a military style boarding school at the first sign of trouble, and his boy is doing well, stays off drugs and likes his parents. So you can fix the problem.

Best advice I could give is to get real serious about the problem real fast, stay on their ass, and pray.

[wafflehouse]

uh, wha?

[spacejunkie]

oooh! ooooh! I know! I know! Get the frickin kid a DAD!

How novel.

This society has SO discounted the value of fathers to children, it's pathetic.