Posted on 06/06/2008 4:55:47 PM PDT by Dawnsblood
Most of you know that Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama held a secret meeting at an undisclosed location in Washington, D.C. yesterday.
What you dont know is that The House has obtained a super secret transcript of their brief but telling conversation.
The meeting took place at a secret hideway used by Mrs. Clinton to decompress after especially tough days on the Hill or the campaign trail. The joint statement released by both sides only gives the bare bones of what was discussed:
Senator Clinton and Senator Obama met tonight and had a productive discussion about the important work that needs to be done to succeed in November, their campaigns said in joint statement.
Herres what really went on.
******************************************************* HRC: (Opening door): Senator Obama, how nice of you to come.
BHO: My pleasure, Senator Clinton. I sincerely hope we can paper over any differences we might have and bring this party together in order to defeat the Republicans in November.
HRC: (Giggling) Um sure Barry. Whatever you say. Wont you sit down?
BHO: Alright. (Glances at coffee table top) Im not sure I appreciate the symbolism of the dueling pistols, Hillary.
HRC: (Innocently) Er, symbolism? Oh, those old things? They belonged to Andy Jackson, you know.
BHO: Jackson was a slaveowner.
HRC: And a man who knew how to settle political arguments (eyes gleaming). Shall we say dawn, in front of the Lincoln Memorial, at 20 paces?
BHO: Did you bring me over here to challenge me to a duel?
HRC: You said you wanted to settle our differences. I think we should explore all the options.
BHO: I think not.
HRC: Oh, very well. Rock, paper, scissors it is then.
BHO: What are you talking about?
HRC: Rock beats scissors, scissors beats paper are you telling me you never played that game?
BHO: Hillay, can we please get serious about this? Were talking about the future of the country here.
HRC: So its serious you want to be? Very well then, Ill cut you for the nomination high card wins.
BHO: (Exasperated) Senator Clinton, in case you havent noticed, Ive already sewn up the nomination. Ive got the delegates. Ive got the Superdelegates. Howard Dean loves me. The press adores me.
HRC: No.
BHO: (Smiling patiently) Now Hillary, youve got to face the facts.
HRC: No.
BHO: I won fair and square. Youve got to accept that its over for you.
HRC: (Voice rising) Over? Who says its over? Nothing is over until I say it is.
(Male voice from the bedroom) You tell em hon.
BHO: Whos that. Dont tell me its
HRC: For Gods sake, Bill. You really cant keep your mouth shut about anything, can you? Cmon out now. No use trying to hide.
WJC: (Sheepishly) Is just takin a nap, is all.
BHO: Youre not even supposed to be here, Mr. President.
HRC: Hes right, Bill. Run along now.
WJC: But pumpkin, you need me.
HRC: No, Barrys right. This is between us. You go sit at the bar across the street and Ill meet you there when this is over.
WJC: Yes sugar.
HRC: And Bill keep your hands off the waitresses.
(Exit a chastened WJC)
BHO: (Wryly) Any more surprises?
HRC: Perhaps we should cut to the chase. I am prepared to offer you the Ambassadorship to Senegal if you concede the nomination.
BHO: (Losing patience) Now see here, Ive had just about enough of this nonsense. If you
HRC: Not good enough for you, eh? Very well. How about Secretary of Commerce? We could use a bright lad like you in the cabinet.
BHO: (Incredulous) Do you live in a dreamworld? Im it! Im the chosen one! The party has spoken.
HRC: These kinds of temporary setbacks are common in politics. Im still very much alive in this race.
BHO: How can you say that? Every network, every wire service, every major newspaper has annointed me as the nominee.
HRC: But only on paper, Barry. We both know that the people support me, that their hearts belong to me. Ask any white, middle class Democrat and theyll tell you who should be the nominee.
BHO: Still playing the race card? I thought better of you once.
HRC: Not at all my half Kenyan friend. Facts are facts. And since Im feeling especially generous today, Ill tell you what Ill do. If you concede the nomination, once Im president Ill make you Ambassador to the United Nations and back your bid for Illinois governor in 2012.
BHO: I feel like Ive landed on another planet.
HRC: Sorry, I promised that post to Edwards.
BHO: Do I have to publicly humiliate you to get you to see reason? I didnt want to do this but I must tell you, I have pictures
HRC: Pictures?
BHO: Of your husband. In the bridal suite of the International Hotel in Bangkok.
HRC: Whats he doing?
BHO: Do you remember the Miss Universe Pageant held there a few months ago? Lets just say that Bill was engaged in a little private judging with three of the contestants in the out of swimsuit category.
HRC: I see. Well, that almost tops my tape of Michelle going off about Whitey at Trinity United from a few years ago.
BHO: You you actually have that tape.
HRC: Yup.
BHO: Yes, but that still doesnt change the fact that Im the nominee and that you appear to be prepared to wreck the party to contest that notion.
HRC: (Resigned) Oh, very well. With the press in your pocket, there really doesnt appear to be much hope for me anyway. So when are you going to name me your Vice Presidential nominee?
BHO: (Sputtering) You cant be serious. Why your husband alone is enough to keep you off the ticket. Hes a time bomb waiting to go off not to mention how truly nasty he was all throughout the campaign. Besides, I dont feel like hiring a food taster every time we sit down to eat. Never never in a million years would I even consider naming you vice president on the ticket.
HRC: Right. But when are you going to make the announcement?
BHO: I need an aspirin
(End of transcript)
And what's with a big secret "no witness" meeting. Will it amount to who can lie the best?
I know satire, and that wasn’t it! That’s exactly what happened when they had their convo, and I also heard that when Hill sent Bill to the bar he did a sandwich with another guy and a buxom barmaid...
(slinking away to my corner)
BHO: Alright. (Glances at coffee table top) Im not sure I appreciate the symbolism of the dueling pistols, Hillary.
HRC: (Innocently) Er, symbolism? Oh, those old things? They belonged to Andy Jackson, you know.
BHO: Jackson was a slaveowner.
HRC: And a man who knew how to settle political arguments (eyes gleaming). Shall we say dawn, in front of the Lincoln Memorial, at 20 paces?
BHO: Did you bring me over here to challenge me to a duel?
Sounds like a previous meeting with Vince Foster.
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