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Mississippi death row inmate Dale Leo Bishop’s final words before being executed included an endorsement of presidential contender Senator Obama. “Senator Obama offers hope for people like me,” Bishop asserted. “I have feelings, dreams, and aspirations. I don’t want to die.” Bishop acknowledged that the election of Obama would come too late to save him, but still urged voters “to consider what kind of a world they want for their children. Do we really want a justice system focused on ‘an-eye-for-an-eye?’ Or do we want to ‘forgive-and-forget?’ Think about that when you cast your ballots next November.” Senator Obama averred...

Most of you know that Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama held a secret meeting at an undisclosed location in Washington, D.C. yesterday. What you don’t know is that The House has obtained a super secret transcript of their brief but telling conversation. The meeting took place at a secret hideway used by Mrs. Clinton to decompress after especially tough days on the Hill or the campaign trail. The joint statement released by both sides only gives the bare bones of what was discussed: “Senator Clinton and Senator Obama met tonight and had a productive discussion about the important work that...

NEW YORK, NY - The United Nations today passed a resolution apologizing on behalf of the human race to Neanderthal man, for "egregious and shameful" treatment in the past. Anthropologists have known for years that modern man disenfranchised Neanderthals from ancient society to the extent that they caused their extinction. New evidence suggests that Neanderthals resorted to cannibalism in an effort to survive, a horrific revelation that prompted the U.N. to take action. UN General Assembly "This resolution is a first step in the healing process." said UN Secretary-General Ban Ki-moon. "We have embarked on a long journey to reestablish...

A public alert was issued early this evening by Buffalo Police, warning that a gang could be staging rear-end collisions tonight on area roadways and then attacking drivers as part of an initiation ritual. Commissioner H. McCarthy Gipson called an emergency news conference at police headquarters just before 6:30 p.m. to make the announcement. He said police received "credible information" late this afternoon suggesting that the initiation ritual could involve gang member recruits intentionally causing rear-end collisions and then robbing or assaulting the other driver. Gipson suggested motorists be aware of their surroundings. If they do become involved in a...

TALAHASSEE, FL - The Florida Fish and Wildlife Commission has delayed voting on removing the manatee from the endangered species list until it reviews classification criteria. According to field data, the animal's population has recovered to the point where the species no longer faces the risk of imminent extinction. The Commission will discuss options, including limited hunting, in an effort to control the manatee's protected status. "It's a real catch-22." said Jeremy Keller, Commission Board Member. "We've spent so many years protecting this animal - it may seem strange that we are talking about hunting them. But if we lose...

CAMBRIDGE, MA - A new study has linked the traditional feasts associated with Thanksgiving and Christmas to increases in planetary temperatures. The report, to be released Wednesday, claims the additional energy required to fatten, slaughter, ship and roast tens of millions of turkeys causes a seasonal spike in greenhouse gasses. Scientists say the effects of these spikes could be devastating. Decadent Turkey Feast "Once the damage is done, it's difficult to reverse the effects." said Myron Finnister, professor of Climatic Endocrinology at Howyflyl University. "It's much like the person doing the feasting, who can never seem to shed those extra...

According to statistics released last year by Rep. Steve King of Iowa, 12 Americans are murdered every day by illegal immigrants, and 13 more are killed by drunk illegal immigrant drivers. That's a whole lot more than we lose in Iraq every week. A report released in 2005 by the Government Accountability Office [GAO] looked at 55,322 illegals locked up in federal, state, and local facilities during 2003. The study found that the 55,322 represented a total of 459,614 arrests -- around eight arrests per illegal alien. Those arrests represented a total of about 700,000 criminal offenses -- averaging 13...

HOLLYWOOD - Fresh from his appearance as Captain Jack Sparrow's father in the latest Pirates of the Caribbean, Rolling Stones guitarist Keith Richards says he wants to play Shrek's father in Shrek Four: The Donkey's Revenge because he doesn't want to wind up being typecast. "Papa's got a brand new bag," snorted Mr. Richards in the library of his neo-Victorian Connecticut house, "but let's face it, who wants to play a spaced-out, ragamuffin drunk all the time?" Such is Mr. Richards' fear of being typecast that he has informed Pirates star, Johnny Depp, that he doesn't want to be included...

Huntsville, Ala. – Thomas Abrams, a 22-year-old resident arrested for petty theft Saturday evening for shoplifting several small-value items from a local pharmacy, conducted himself in an equally petty manner when confronted by store employees and police officials following the theft, sources agreed Sunday. “What a jerk that dude was, making all those petty remarks toward employees while the cops were hauling him out of the store,” said Marie Connelly, an employee at the 13th Avenue Walgreens store where Abrams allegedly attempted the petty theft. “Like, for example, when the cops were escorting him down aisle four to take him...

In the Shadow of Saturn Credit: SSI, JPL, ESA, NASA Explanation: In the shadow of Saturn, unexpected wonders appear. The robotic Cassini spacecraft now orbiting Saturn recently drifted in giant planet's shadow for about 12 hours and looked back toward the eclipsed Sun. Cassini saw a view unlike any other. First, the night side of Saturn is seen to be partly lit by light reflected from its own majestic ring system. Next, the rings themselves appear dark when silhouetted against Saturn, but quite bright when viewed away from Saturn and slightly scattering sunlight, in the above exaggerated color image....

Los Angeles, Calif. – Two members of the Los Angeles-based street gang The Crips remain in custody Wednesday following their alleged attack on a Santa Marta Hospital bloodmobile, one of six modified RVs being used by the East Los Angeles hospital as mobile blood-donation centers. The mangled body of the bloodmobile was discovered by would-be blood and plasma donors Tuesday evening at the corner of 134th Street and Martin Luther King Blvd. – deep in the heart of well-known Crips-controlled territory – after having suffered a massive loss of motor oil due to numerous bullet and knife wounds. Pronounced "pretty...

(If you're thinking what you're thinking is just a joke; you might be horrified to know that any play on words in the original title is intentional.) FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE- New York, NY- July, 26 2006—- A presidential bust of Hillary Clinton is set to be unveiled at the Museum of Sex on August 9, 2006 at 10 am. Accentuating her sexual power and bolstered by the presidential seal, The Presidential Bust of Hillary Rodham Clinton: The First Woman President of the United States of America will be officially open for public viewing on August 9 for a limited six...

After the Pentagon was caught paying for positive news coverage in Iraq, sources uncovered the shocking news that Al Qaeda has been paying for positive stories in American media sources such as CBS/NBC/ABC/CNN/MSNBC News, the New York Times, the Washington Post, and the San Francisco Chronicle. While many felt this helps explain why no one reports on the amazing positive stories that come out of Iraq, others were surprised that Al Qaeda was wasting their money paying for something they could get for free.

AFFIDAVIT OF JAMES H. DONNER My name is James H. Donner, and I am 19 years old. No one has paid me for these statements. No member of the RNC, no one from the Bush administration, and no one from FreeRepublic.com has solicited this information. For the past three and a half years, I have delivered pizza to the home of Joseph Wilson and Valerie Plame as well as to the homes of many others in the neighborhood. I live on the next street. Everyone in the neighborhood knew that Plame worked for the CIA. It was no secret. Wilson...

Group says Americans would take less benefits or pay more taxes to avoid Wall St. fees, risks. WASHINGTON (Reuters) - A majority of Americans want to see few changes to Social Security and most oppose private accounts, according to a poll from the seniors' group AARP, which is fighting a White House plan to overhaul the program.

MONTREAL - Metallica are taking legal action against independant Canadian rock band Unfaith over what they feel is unsanctioned usage of two chords the band has been using since 1982 : E and F. "People are going to get on our case again for this, but try to see it from our point of view just once," stated Metallica's Lars Ulrich. "We're not saying we own those two chords, individually - that would be ridiculous. We're just saying that in that specific order, people have grown to associate E, F with our music." Metallica filed a trademark infringement suit against...