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Utah man’s confessional obituary owns up to life of pranks
Yahoo News ^ | 7/17/12 | Eric Pfeiffer

Posted on 07/17/2012 4:02:07 PM PDT by Nachum

Val Patterson said his life motto was "Anything for a laugh." And after the 59-year-old died of throat cancer last week, he owned up to a few humorous events from his life.

Patterson's obituary in The Salt Lake Tribune begins like many others, with a loving tribute to his wife, Mary Jane, and recollections of a life lived in full. But then things get more interesting, as Patterson notes, "Now that I have gone to my reward, I have confessions and things I should now say."

First up, the former engineer admits he never earned the advanced degree from the University of Utah that gained him entrance to his chosen professional career:

"What happened was that the day I went to pay off my college student loan at the U of U, the girl working there put my receipt into the wrong stack, and two weeks later, a PhD diploma came in the mail. I didn't even graduate, I only had about 3 years of college credit. In fact, I never did even learn what the letters 'PhD' even stood for."

(Excerpt) Read more at news.yahoo.com ...


TOPICS: Miscellaneous; News/Current Events
KEYWORDS: confessional; mans; obituary; utah
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One of the funniest things I think I have ever read. :)
1 posted on 07/17/2012 4:02:12 PM PDT by Nachum
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To: Nachum

Sounds like a real jerk to me.


2 posted on 07/17/2012 4:10:46 PM PDT by glorgau
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To: Nachum
"First up, the former engineer admits he never earned the advanced degree from the University of Utah that gained him entrance to his chosen professional career..."

Great. I wonder what kind of engineer he wasn't. I hope I never need to drive across any bridges he worked on.

3 posted on 07/17/2012 4:15:02 PM PDT by Flag_This (Real presidents don't bow.)
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To: Nachum

I wonder if Obama will fess up in his obituary. He’s certainly pranked more people than this guy.


4 posted on 07/17/2012 4:23:50 PM PDT by meatloaf (Support Senate S 1863 & House Bill 1380 to eliminate oil slavery.)
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To: Nachum

Yes, it’s a funny story, but just maybe his confession would have done him more good if it was on his knees during his lifetime rather than in the paper after his death.


5 posted on 07/17/2012 4:25:30 PM PDT by mrs. a (It's a short life but a merry one...)
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To: glorgau
Sounds like a real jerk to me.

That was my first thought too and I'm glad I wasn't the first one to say it. Getting banned from Disneyland and Sea World doesn't exactly sound like a nice guy to me. Of course, he was a smoker so he probably enjoyed annoying others and not caring what they thought about him.

6 posted on 07/17/2012 4:37:28 PM PDT by OrangeHoof (Our economy won't heal until one particular black man is unemployed.)
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To: Flag_This

Great. I wonder what kind of engineer he wasn’t. I hope I never need to drive across any bridges he worked on.

Most engineers I have had to work with had degrees but lacked aptitude. If this guy had the aptitude he was probably above average.


7 posted on 07/17/2012 4:37:33 PM PDT by freedomfiter2 (Brutal acts of commission and yawning acts of omission both strengthen the hand of the devil.)
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To: Nachum
That's not a confession.

That's a victory dance for all the stuff he got away with now that nobody can do anything about it.

He may have been a lot of things, but "honest" was not one of them.

8 posted on 07/17/2012 4:38:37 PM PDT by E. Pluribus Unum (Government is the religion of the sociopath.)
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To: Nachum
One of the funniest things I think I have ever read.

He certainly thought so.
9 posted on 07/17/2012 4:45:37 PM PDT by kenavi (Obama doesn't hate private equity. He wants to be it with our money.)
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To: OrangeHoof
Of course, he was a smoker so he probably enjoyed annoying others and not caring what they thought about him.
***********************************************

Ya, I'm sure that is why he smoked, he just like to annoy people.

When did so many freepers lose their sense of humor?

10 posted on 07/17/2012 4:53:04 PM PDT by kara37
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To: Nachum
Patterson wraps up his final words with a somber note on how his cigarette habit deprived him of more years with his family.

Was this part of the joke?

11 posted on 07/17/2012 4:55:18 PM PDT by Drango (A liberal's compassion is limited only by the size of someone else's wallet.)
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To: Flag_This
Great. I wonder what kind of engineer he wasn't. I hope I never need to drive across any bridges he worked on.

what makes you think he wasn't a competent engineer?

12 posted on 07/17/2012 5:06:47 PM PDT by the invisib1e hand
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To: the invisib1e hand

Well there is some evidence he wasn’t strong in the professional ethics department...


13 posted on 07/17/2012 11:14:04 PM PDT by D-fendr (Deus non alligatur sacramentis sed nos alligamur.)
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To: D-fendr

Granted. Then too, he was a practical joker. That could make for some interesting bridge design.


14 posted on 07/18/2012 3:19:17 AM PDT by the invisib1e hand
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To: OrangeHoof

“Of course, he was a smoker so he probably enjoyed annoying others and not caring what they thought about him. “

I gave up those nasty cigarettes well over 20 years ago.

To this day I can’t stand being around annoying tobaccophobes.


15 posted on 07/18/2012 3:41:13 AM PDT by Nik Naym (It's not my fault... I have compulsive smartass disorder.)
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To: Nik Naym
To this day I can’t stand being around annoying tobaccophobes.

And I am not one but I have spent a good deal of time in bars and restaurants which contained both smoking and non-smoking sections and my personal experience is that smokers are less considerate of others and often act more like jerks. That's a generality, of course. Every rule has exceptions.

But I do believe that his personality and smoking addiction were not unrelated.

16 posted on 07/18/2012 8:28:37 AM PDT by OrangeHoof (Our economy won't heal until one particular black man is unemployed.)
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To: the invisib1e hand
"what makes you think he wasn't a competent engineer?"

Something about falsifying his credentials. But maybe all the work that goes into an advanced degree is just busy work after all.

17 posted on 07/18/2012 10:18:30 AM PDT by Flag_This (Real presidents don't bow.)
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To: Nachum

Patterson attended Junior and Senior High School with my DH.

This confession is really not that much of a shock.


18 posted on 07/18/2012 10:29:02 AM PDT by colorcountry (The gospel will transform our politics, not vice versa (Romans 12:1,2))
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To: freedomfiter2

As licensed Professional Engineer who worked from the bottom to the top and took 12 years to complete my degree, I can say you have hit the nail on the head. Know a lot great technicians who could out “engineer” the PEs they work for.


19 posted on 07/18/2012 10:31:01 AM PDT by shotgun
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To: Flag_This
"what makes you think he wasn't a competent engineer?" Something about falsifying his credentials. But maybe all the work that goes into an advanced degree is just busy work after all.

non-sequitur. If one does or does not falsify credentials, it has no impact on the quality of work required by an advanced degree program.

for those of you in Rio Linda, while I would question someone's work ethic who falsified credentials, I certainly would not consider lacking an advanced degree a basis for doing so.

20 posted on 07/18/2012 12:28:06 PM PDT by the invisib1e hand
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