and maybe also Glamour... 
Magazine--
Hey, Bender, how can I poll you... 
to make you vote for Obama?
No way... 
honey--
Maybe if I polled you... 
this way--
Or this... 
way--
Or my 'Back-to-the-old-days' metallic red wig... 
poll?
or do I have to... 
get rough with you?
Nope, no sale, Jen. Besides, I know your secret... 
from the flip side... 
of that photo--
Oh, Bendy, you wouldn't show that around... 
I was young, you swept me off my feet and if TMZ got that I had your tattoo on my tummy, it would ruin me with Hollywood and the Obama Campaign!
Well, that may be the best thing for you... 
and I know your other secret that you hope to get a real Green Card... 
from Obama!
OMG! Noooooooooooooo, Bendy... 
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Jen, it will be the best thing... 
that could happen to you--
Can we re-kindle that old feeling... 
to get you to change your mind?
Sorry, Jen, but after all the Afflecking you've done, excuse the pun, that ship... 
has sailed--
Okay, then it is the... 
hard way!
Okay, if the hard way is what you want... 
you force me to knock you on your ass!
...
...
...
Whoa, Bendy, you did knock me on my ass... 
and into a most fetching sheer nightgown!
Well, one more... 
for luck!
That last one did it, Bend, you knock out... 
all my desire to support Obama--
Hey, just doing my job, Jen. Just doing... 
my job--
Okay, now on with my NFL Picks... 
as follows:
Wednesday night finds New England 17 at NY Giants 10: Third string Pat QB Ryan Mallett stiffarms a 3rd sting Giant linebacker... 
as the Pat's pull off a 4th quarter comeback--
Tampa Bay 14 at Washington 24: "Hey, them Buckingears... 
ain't so tuff."--
Thursday night the rest of the gangs finish the pre-season--
Atlanta 17 at Jacksonville 14: Vick's Old Team's 3rd sting thugs whip up... 
on the Jags 3rd string thugs--
NY Jets 24 at Philadelphia 21: Neither Sanchez nor Tebow play... 
but the Jets win behind the running and passing of 4th string QB Matt Simms--
Carolina 3 at Pittsburgh 28: The Panthers find Stooler in their cleats and a crime scene... 
ensues--
Minnesota 13 at Houston 28: Allegra Texicans take no prisoners as the Viqueens... 
fall again--
Baltimore 24 at St. Louis 10: Even with Jeff playing his starters, the 2nd & 3rd sting Black Byrds come out on top and Hitch... 
agrees--
Buffalo 6 at Detroit 17: Buffalo bring a knife to a gunfight: "According to the new collective bargaining agreement, while the visiting team can have switchblades... 
only the home team's labor rep can pull a gun on the field."--
Kansas City 27 at Green Bay 14: "Hum, these 3rd string cheesheads... 
make a passable stew."--
New Orleans 9 at Tennessee 38: Yes, Drew, Roger is still pissed off and the fix... 
is still in!--
Just one Motherefing minute, Bender! Saints 9, Titians 38... 
Right--
Roger and God are wrong to punish New Orleans. I mean, how can a motherefing, motherlovin liberal deity let Isaac stike New Orleans... 
and let them motherefing, racist Republicans in Tampa not be all drown.
If that is right, then may God... 
take my other mothereffing eye!
As you wish, Sam... 
as you wish--
OOOOOOOOOOOOppppppp... 
pppppppppppppppssssssssssssssssssssss!!!!!!!!!
As you should know, Samuel, I work... 
in mysterous ways--
Cincinnati 20 at Indianapolis 28: Who knew the newest Colt... 
was a Unicorn in drag?--
Chicago 13 at Cleveland 31: Da Bears are no match for the Real McCoy... 
and team in a car!
San Diego 14 at San Francisco 31: It is 'Cry me a river'... 
as the 69ers tear the Bolts a new one--
Oakland 10 at Seattle 28: Bad day at the beach... 
for the Raiders--
Denver 27 at Arizona 17: Old Man Manning gums... 
the Red Birds' defense to death--
Oh, yeah, Miami 24 at Dallas 27: Hey, our Aggie quarterback beats... 
the Phin's Aggie quarterback--
And in the smoking hot wife department, Mrs. Tannehill 
is close, but comes in 2nd to... 
Mrs. McGree!
are y'all picks?
to Sam Jackson!
if you get cramps from laughing--
barfing!
I'll get you a warm towel to wipe off your snout.
don't get cocky!
he ship my yellow arse back to Shanghai!
make me look fat?
and give me fifty for that fat crack!
start over again. 1, 2, 3--