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An American Divorce Agreement
email | 12-12-12 | An American Law Student

Posted on 12/13/2012 11:49:39 AM PST by Slyfox

Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, regressive, Marxists, and Obama supporters, et. al.:

We have stuck together since the late 1950s for the sake of the kids, but the whole of this latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce. I know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but sadly, this relationship has clearly run its course.

Our two ideological sides of America cannot and will not ever agree on what is right for us all, so let's just end it on friendly terms. We can smile and chalk it up to irreconcilable differences and go our own way.

Here is a model separation agreement:

1. Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by land mass, each taking a similar portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am sure our two sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that, it should be relatively easy. Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides had such distinct and disparate tastes.

2. We don't like redistributive taxes, so you can keep them.

3. You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU.

4. Since you hate guns and war, we'll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA, and the military.

5. We'll take the nasty, smelly oil industry and you can go with wind, solar, and bio-diesel.

6. You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore, and Rosie O'Donnell. You are, however, responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move all three of them.

7. We'll keep capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart, and Wall Street.

8. You can have your beloved lifelong welfare dwellers, food stamps, homeless homeboys, hippies, druggies, and illegal aliens.

9. We'll keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms, greedy CEO's and rednecks.

10. We'll keep the Bibles and give you NBC and Hollywood ..

11. You can make nice with Iran and Palestine and we'll retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us.

12. You can have the peace-niks and war protesters. When our allies or our way of life are under assault, we'll help provide them security.

13. We'll keep our Judeo-Christian values.

14. You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism, political correctness, and Shirley MacLaine. You can also have the U.N., but we will no longer be paying the bill.

15. We'll keep the SUV's, pickup trucks, and oversized luxury cars. You can take every Subaru station wagon you can find.

16. You can give everyone healthcare if you can find any practicing doctors..

17. We'll continue to believe healthcare is an earned luxury and not a right. With affordability reforms needed.

18. We'll keep "The Battle Hymn of the Republic" and "The National Anthem."

19. I'm sure you'll be happy to substitute "Imagine", "I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing", "Kum Bay Ya," or "We Are the World".

20. We'll practice trickledown economics and you can continue to give trickle up poverty your best shot.

21. Since it often so offends you, we'll keep our history, our name and our constitution and our flag.

Sincerely,
An American Law Student

P.S.: Also, please take Ted Turner, Sean Penn, Martin Sheen, Barbara Streisand, and Jane Fonda with you.


TOPICS: Political Humor/Cartoons
KEYWORDS: vanity
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To: Servant of the Cross

Thomas Jefferson:
“I view great cities as pestilential to the morals, the health, and the liberties of man.”


21 posted on 12/13/2012 12:27:25 PM PST by MrB (The difference between a Humanist and a Satanist - the latter admits whom he's working for)
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To: Slyfox

I posted something similar to my Facebook page a few weeks ago and my lefty, homosexual cousin responded he was fine with this agreement as long as the conservative side takes ‘Jesus-land’.

I said we’ll take Jesus-land and then continuing with a sarcastic stance, added: as long as you take the Religion of Peace since they are so much more tolerate of your sexual lifestyle.

He did not respond.


22 posted on 12/13/2012 12:34:39 PM PST by Le Chien Rouge
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To: Trapped Behind Enemy Lines

Obama won California by 3 million votes, and the presidency by less than 4 million. If California alone (or only coastal California, including LA, SFO, Oakland, Marin County) leaves the union, we would have a competitive national election.


23 posted on 12/13/2012 12:38:43 PM PST by laconic
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To: Le Chien Rouge
"Jesus Land" also known as the Bible Belt and The Heartland.

Alrighty then, "Jesus Land" goes to our side.

24 posted on 12/13/2012 12:38:58 PM PST by Slyfox (The key to Marxism is medicine - V. Lenin)
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To: jsanders2001

Its also the Big City syndrome. Many big cities have large populations which negate the votes of many other counties. They also vote overwhelmingly democrat.


25 posted on 12/13/2012 12:40:38 PM PST by Eagle of Liberty (Be the Enemy Within the Enemy Within...)
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To: laconic

I live in CA and yes the state is hopelessly radical left wing. That said, BHO would have still won in both 2008 and 2012 even if CA had voted Republican. CA is crazy left wing yes, but 25 OTHER states voted for Obama as well. The rest of the nation is following our path to hell.


26 posted on 12/13/2012 12:43:02 PM PST by Trapped Behind Enemy Lines
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To: Servant of the Cross

I say Each county, independent of population, is given ONE electoral vote for President. The winner of each county wins the Electoral vote.


27 posted on 12/13/2012 12:43:48 PM PST by Eagle of Liberty (Be the Enemy Within the Enemy Within...)
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To: Slyfox
They targeted the specific counties in order to accomplish massive voter fraud.

And the Republican Party is so idiotic to not think to look at these works being done in the shadows? I guess that are.
28 posted on 12/13/2012 12:46:58 PM PST by Eagle of Liberty (Be the Enemy Within the Enemy Within...)
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To: Le Chien Rouge
as long as you take the Religion of Peace since they are so much more tolerate of your sexual lifestyle.

Funny but honest.
29 posted on 12/13/2012 12:49:06 PM PST by Eagle of Liberty (Be the Enemy Within the Enemy Within...)
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To: Le Chien Rouge

The left support gays and Islam for the same reason, they both are in opposition to Christian values.
It’s the left’s way of shaking their fist in God’s face.


30 posted on 12/13/2012 12:49:33 PM PST by MrB (The difference between a Humanist and a Satanist - the latter admits whom he's working for)
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To: MrB
The left support gays and Islam for the same reason, they both are in opposition to Christian values.

Yep! The whole enemy of my enemy is my friend. But Saddam would NEVER talk to Osama...the hypocrisy of the liberal mind is amazing!!
31 posted on 12/13/2012 12:55:19 PM PST by Eagle of Liberty (Be the Enemy Within the Enemy Within...)
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To: allendale
...Many people simply want nothing but the most superficial relationship with liberals...

I don't want even that. If I find that a person is on the left side of the political spectrum I will not even engage him/her on any level. To hell with them.

32 posted on 12/13/2012 1:07:27 PM PST by OldPossum
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To: OldPossum

“to hell with them”

I know it’s un-Christian to feel this way, but apart from the Salvation Army, my charitable giving is way down this year.

Obama is their lord and master; let Obama feed and clothe them and stuff their Christmas stockings with Obama phones. Why should I give my money to organizations that support the people that vote out American values every time ?


33 posted on 12/13/2012 2:05:33 PM PST by A'elian' nation (Political correctness does not legislate tolerance; it only organizes hatred. Jacques Barzun)
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